Feeling vs Doing

Auto mode, programmed to respond,

I have been noticing lately how much I want to do things rather than just feel.
I want to achieve something rather than just experience it. I want to get things done rather than feel my way through the day. I want to fill myself up, rather than just feeling empty, I am still holding onto my erroneous belief that doing is more powerful than feeling.

This has been beautifully highlighted through God’s Law of Attraction.

A little background: I spend a lot of time running* from my childhood terrors**, doing as much as possible to avoid them and keep ahead of them. As you can imagine or if you do this too – as you know, it is exhausting, futile and actually a real waste of time***.

This happens in a cyclical manner in my life. I am beginning to ‘catch’ myself doing it at shorter periods, it used to be months, now a week or a few days and generally I realise,

‘Oh here I am again being all busy, I am terrified, okay, what’s going on, when did this start, why am I feeling this way? What feelings am I really feeling or wanting to avoid feeling’ – yes this is very intellectual for me to begin with. But once I have realised and reflected I then talk to God out loud and I tell God everything I am feeling and thinking, and generally, as I speak it out I often connect to at least the surface emotions – the blocks or the addiction and sometimes from there I get to a deeper feeling. When this happens I feel excited – really excited and guess what? As soon as I feel through even the addiction or the first layer feeling**** I have -the real one – even owning it by speaking it aloud or writing it in my journal and allowing it things instantly change. I get a little perspective. But this only happens if I have felt something.

How do I really feel. Who is actually running the show? Me or Fear?

So I realised I have been in doing mode the last few weeks (it has sucked) and I reflected back to the time before that, when I was feeling myself more, enjoying hanging out with the Pete & the kids, I was enjoying my life – more than I ever have, there was some excitement about desires, I wanted to be with Pete, I wanted to know more about myself emotionally, I wanted to feel myself more, and I had an aspiration to Love my brothers and sisters in a real way.

During this time life had seemed effortless in contrast to the last little while.
I had been making time to feel, every time I felt something, no matter how seemingly ‘little’ or insignificant. I had given myself time to feel (sometimes it felt like taking time).

I had been more Truthful with myself (this includes Pete), others and God.

I had loved myself a little more – drank lots more water, not over eaten, had good nights sleep, allowed myself to feel and honoured my feelings in themoment.

I recognised more easily when I was being influenced negatively by spirits and people around me.
Things seemed more in ‘perspective’.
In general there was more joy in my life which was a
totally new feeling and a really lovely one. I feel sad at
how little I have felt joy in my time on Earth.

Big head, Little heart. Intellectual at the expense of my heart.

Without ‘trying’ things had been ‘better’. There had been some joy, I had felt excited, Pete and I had felt closer in a real way, it was ‘easy’ in fact delightful to spend time with the kids and to give them time to explain and correct when they were unloving or treating me or each other un- lovingly. I had wanted to give them time and it made such a difference. They were more open, talked to me more, treated each other better, I felt more at ease with myself, and with others. I had more desire for God and to find out the emotions & false beliefs that are preventing me from feeling God more.

The funny thing is that all I did was feel. It was ‘proof’ enough for me to know that when I take the time to feel rather than do my life is significantly different – for the better!. I encourage you to experiment. To make time to feel yourself & the emotions in you, more and more each day until you become a 100% feeling being (at-one-with-God! – if you want to be) which is as God made you to be.

I know, smile, pretty incredible in a society that values intellect, so-called rationality and so- called logic***** above all else to find out that actually you are designed, created & capable to feel everything – and that is your True Self, the Real You. Yep, that rocked my world when I heard it.

Heart, what are you like?

‘What does it mean to be an emotional being?
What does that feel like?
How do you become a 100% emotional being? (Check out http://www.divinetruth.com>downloads>20140208 Relationship with God-Understanding your Emotional Self S1 & S2.)

* By running I mean literally by being busy doing things, creating dramas, or busy-ness in my day to day life, jumping out of body otherwise known as disassociating, over eating or making a heap of food, distractions, self punishment, all kinds of addictions just to ‘get away’ from myself and my real feelings. It creates a pain filled, dissatisfying, joyless life that has often been depressing and completely exhausting!

**Terrors such as: making mistakes and being punished in some way – withdrawal of love, withdrawal of approval, ridiculed etc; being violently abused – from anger, rage to sexual abuse etc etc

***I had the intellectual realisation at 19 that traveling and running away from my fears & terrors, literally and metaphorically, or searching physically for ‘freedom’, was a futile act. I realised intellectually that where ever I went I came with myself – so all my feelings, terrors, everything I was running with was always with me no matter what – unless I felt them or faced them. It is interesting that in my head I have thought this but it still isn’t a soul belief yet because I still find myself some 13 years later still doing the same thing. I thank my spirit friends for trying to help me so much. I have lacked humility (still do).

**** I say ‘first layer feeling’ as I find that feelings are like this, you start with where you are at and then it takes you somewhere completely different so what you began to feel in the first place doesn’t end up being the real feeling that was driving the first one at all.

***** I say ‘so-called’ as often we are not rational or logical due to our unhealed belief systems and unhealed emotions. We think we are being logical and rational when actually we are the total opposite.

Example: think how often we do or feel illogical things out of fear, like feeling that ‘everyone’ should approve of me or like me for me to be happy. This is not possible or logical. Firstly it is guaranteed that someone is going to disagree with what I am doing and it is highly likely that there are a lot of people who are not going to like me. Secondly, I am placing my happiness in the hands of others and setting myself up for disappointment. I would be much better off to feel how terrified I am of not getting approval and how unloved I felt as a child by my parents which would possibly allow me to love myself more and allow me to feel God’s Love more and I wouldn’t be invested in others approval and agreement to be happy anymore. I am responsible for my own happiness or unhappiness as only I can actually feel what I feel.

Discovery Learning Morning

Exploring rocks & insects, Yabby Creek Adventure, 12 March 2014

Exploring rocks & insects, Yabby Creek Adventure, 12 March 2014

November 17th, 2014

A bit of background about these back dated posts.
A friend, Caroline, and I decided to do discovery learning mornings, or ‘Home Church’ with our kids as a way to introduce them about what we have heard or know about God and the wonders of God’s creations.
Our intention was to encourage the kids own desires, discoveries and curiosity in the natural world and engage with our kids in order to share with them about Love in the moment & Love in Action.
I learnt a lot about myself during these mornings.
I figured out over some months that I was wanting a lot from the kids rather than engaging in the moment with them. I wasn’t taking the opportunities of when the children had the desire and were asking the questions. I wanted to ‘make’ times to share about love, or the lack of love,  rather than do so when an opportunity presented itself through the Law of Attraction or the kids desire.
Caro and I began a shared website about our discoveries. I have since decided not to continue with the shared blog as my personal blog is beginning to overlap. (These same posts are up on the other website still, but I posted them here also as back dated posts in order that they are accessible on this blog too.)
I don’t do ‘formal’ discovery mornings any more but we do often head out into nature with the kids and in the moments when things come up I am learning to take those Law of Attraction moments and share about what I have discovered about love, lack of love or am experimenting and learning about love with the kids.
I am seeing more that the Law of Attraction is perfect and God is giving me continuous opportunity to share love and truth, I was arrogantly wanting to make and control moments (thinking I knew better) and then abdicate as a ‘parent’  the rest of the time.
So I am now experimenting with listening more and allowing things to come about through desire, the Law of Attraction & engaging will rather than my will power and by force. I am beginning to see how allowing the kids to develop their will is really important, and me ‘forcing’ stuff upon them isn’t a great way to learn. I notice that there is much more resistance when I force than when it flows or comes from their own desire to know.

Snake Story. Discovery Learning in nature

Snake Story. Discovery Learning in nature

February 2nd, 2014
( Back Dated Post)
We had our first Discovery Learning morning today. I felt so excited about it and wanted to ‘formally’ share all the cool things that I have heard about God with the kids.
I felt starting with God was a pretty cool place to start as from there everything is discoverable, possible and every question answerable. I felt that if I was a kid that is what I would have liked to know about.
As I was loosely planning the morning a few more things came to mind that I felt were pretty important:
  1. God
  2. Love
  3. Experiments/experimenting – your own personal experience of everything to find out anything you desire to find out about for yourself.
Some Guiding Questions:
  1. Is there a God?
  2. What is God?
  3. Who is God?
  4. What is God like?
  5. How do you know?
  6. What is Love?
  7. Are there different kinds?
  8. What does it feel like?
  9. Can you see it or just feel it?
  10. What is God’s version of Love?
  11. What is people’s version of love?
  12. How can you tell if it is real or addictive?
  13. What is your personal experience of love?
  14. Qualities of love
I figured that it was important to give a framework about how the universe works. We inhabit a planet in the universe so lets get to know more about it.
  • Who created it and how was it created?
  • How it works?
  • Are there rules or laws?
  • If so what are they?
  • If so who made them?
  • How do they work?
  • Etc.
I feel that the most important thing I have ever heard is the following:
Seek God’s Love First and All Else Will Be Added To You
So I figured I could share this with the kids and see what they thought about that.
It was great.
I asked them who had made the universe and they said, ‘God’. I asked how they knew that and if it was because I had told them that or that they were certain about it for themselves?
This brought me to explaining how important it is for them to discover all the secrets of the universe and everything for themselves. That it is really important for them to feel for themselves and that the only way they are going to truly know something is by feeling and discovering for themselves.
There is an answer to every question anyone wants to know and the fastest way to get answers is by growing a relationship with God as God can answer any and every question that you have – God created the universe and the potential for everything ever imagined and more.
We spoke about how God communicates with feelings not thoughts and how important it is to be a 100% feeling emotional being in harmony with God’s Love to have a full happy fun filled life.
The kids had a heap of questions about God (just a few below):
  • Where does God Live?
  • How come God is outside the universe?
  • How did God make the universe and everything in it?
  • How did God make lizards? What is inside the earth?
  • What is the earth made of?
  • And HEAPS more…
I was pretty excited and said I couldn’t answer pretty much any of their questions but Guess What? I knew a way that every question could be answered and that was to grow a relationship with God and I also had heard of a way that you could receive God’s Love and the more of God’s Love that you received in your soul the more you knowledge you would have because this was a cool thing that happened as you become more loving is that you know more.
The kids kind of zoned out as I rattled this off and I took a moment to reflect about myself.
I am not receiving God’s Love at this time, in fact for me God’s Love is still something that I have yet to experience and so no wonder there was a bit of a zone out on the part of the kids because they could feel that it was all intellectual for me at this time.
I felt a bit down within myself about this as I realised I wanted to impart knowledge that is predominantly intellectual for me at the moment. I have error and issues to work through in relation to both God and Love and the kids can feel this. It was a beautiful moment of self realisation that what I want to ‘teach’ or share has much more power if I have felt it or have a feeling or personal emotional experience about it.
I noted this and went on to Love (Divine Love & Natural love) briefly (as I had realised that I have fears, error and false beliefs about love to look at, but in the mean time I could still impart the concept and the kids can experiment with it and discover for themselves about it if they want to while I work through my issues with it).
We spoke about how God’s Love Rules and how the universe is completely based on God’s Love. It runs on love. Love is the foundation and how the universe works based on God’s Laws – Laws of Love.
We spoke about what love feels like and the concept of God’s Love and people’s love and how often people love is actually addictive not really even loving from God’s viewpoint. We used personal experiences from the kids lives and I asked them how those felt. They didn’t feel like answering very fully.
They ran off to play after half an hour.
Self Reflection: 
  • The biggest realisation was that when I have an issue with something or only an intellectual understanding not a heartfelt knowing then those around me are going to feel my true feelings not the words I tell them.
  • In my experience when stuff is going on with children, especially younger children it is actually about me/us, the parent/s and something for the parent to feel about, look at and move through. To be honest often you don’t even need to speak with a child in the moment if you actually own your own emotion or better still, feel it then and there in the moment the child’s behaviour completely and instantly changes (if you felt the real feeling). There is no need for ‘behaviour management’ if I am truly humble to my own feelings, thoughts and actions and they are in harmony with love. Even owning my own feelings actually makes a huge difference.
  • Once I have done that and felt whatever feelings I have then I have the clarity to speak with the child/ren about the behaviour if it was unloving and suggest and pose different ideas, concepts or things for them to explore in a loving way rather than from an angry controlling desire for them to do as I tell them and be what I want them to be. (This is a new exploration for me and one that I find works most successfully coming from a feeling place of Love rather than demand, expectation, manipulation or control, or merely intellectually engaging. Intellect is not helpful when you are saying the opposite words to your feelings. Kids feel your soul feelings. They listen and respond to that, not your words). It is highlighting how much I want from the kids and how ‘good’ I want them to be according to me rather than discovering their true nature and desiring to love in a real way because they desire too rather than for mothers approval.
  • I noticed that when the children ‘switched off’, ‘zoned out’ or became disinterested it was directly related to an emotion in me or when I was only intellectually spouting words without heartfelt knowledge about the subject. I found this really interesting to observe and find out about myself.
  • I feel that discovery learning days are so much about me learning and working out where I am out of harmony with God’s Love and God’s Truth through observing the Law of Attraction and being shown through the children (reflectors). The children reflect my unhealed emotions perfectly and so it is an opportunity to see myself as I truly am and an opportunity to learn about love, heal the error inside me and become more loving to both myself and the children in this process. I find that daunting when I am in the middle of it and resistive to what is being reflected by three children all at one time, and exciting and inspiring also when I am more humble and desire to love more sincerely.
  • I have false beliefs about God, Love, experimenting and self discovery. These things and some fears I have were exposed within me during this half hour and I realised that if I am going to present concepts to the kids that they are most powerful when I have emotionally engaged them myself, have a strong positive feeling within me about them or am excited or desire to explore and experiment with them myself. (Mary suggested an exercise of finding out all the things I believe about a subject – false beliefs – and contrasting them with God’s Truth on the matter, then feel the difference. It is a really helpful starting point for exploring and feeling the beliefs that stand in the way of growing closer to God – Thanks to Mary & Jesus for paying this forward!* More information can be found on the Australia Assistance Group talks on the Divine Truth YouTube Channel)
  • It was also reflected that I am the one with the blocks and the issues here.
  • The kids are reflecting me.
  • It is not the kids problem that they are not absorbing things or they get distracted. I could clearly feel the holes I have in myself and some of the feelings, disbeliefs, beliefs, false beliefs and pain I have about love and God and so of course being feeling beings children are going to pick up on these feelings more strongly rather than my intellectual instruction. This was a great lesson for me to see that more often than not it is my imposition and belief systems thrust upon the children that create blocks to understanding or even wanting to fully explore and discover something for them selves rather than something wrong or off with them. This also translates into their ‘behavior’ I find that they ‘play up’ get ‘boisterous’ demanding, interrupt me when I am denying my emotions, in fact their behavior if I allow myself to feel reveals the exact feeling that I was in denial about moments before or it leads me into something much deeper that I wasn’t aware about before. It is more about myself than it is about the kids if I am willing to actually explore emotionally & feel what is the cause of the attractions in the moment.
  • God is Good! (smile).
* * * * * * * *
*‘Keep in mind that no exercises or strategies takes the place of true emotional healing which is vital to our progress, however many of these things keep me away from negative influence and soften me to my fearful feelings.’ Mary Magdalene. For more awesome information and helpful, heartfelt stories visit Mary’s blog ‘Notes Along the Way’, mary.divinetruth.com or the Divine Truth Website www.divinetruth.com 

Regular Events: Prayer Meeting

Susan Facilitates a Prayer Meeting on a Thursday Evening. It is a time to gather as a group and pray for others with the focus being the Prayer for Divine Love. It is usually held here on the property but during the winter months Susan has had a change of venue, see details below:

When:  Thursday evenings
Time: 7pm – 8/8:30pm
Where: Your own home (during winter – in the Orange Room during warmer months)
See Events page for more Details and when venue will be changed in the warmer events.
This will be a regular and on going event that will take place every second Thursday (alternating with the Evening Discussion Group).
Please read & study “The Prayer for Divine Love”  as written by Jesus on 10th October 2005 outlining the emotional processing work essential to progress in Soul development with Divine Love. And the commentary by Jesus on the prayer (press here to go to the link). The actual prayer is up on the Learning Centre blog (go to link above or look under posts). This document can be found on the Divine Truth website and the prayer can be found by going to > what’s new on left side >  navigation > prayer > and you will find it there. (Press the links for the commentary document).

Note from Susan to all those who desire to participate in the Prayer Meeting:

During the winter months Michael and I have decided to stop meetings being held physically at Kyabra but we will continue praying together on Thursday evenings and anyone wishing to do the same from your own home can join us from 7 – 8:30pm.
The cold evenings have instigated this change and we will re-visit coming together at Kyabra again in a few months time. We hope and encourage you to pray daily, moment by moment over and above this weekly opportunity.
I was fortunate enough to talk to Mary Magdalene on a recent visit regarding prayer groups and she pointed out a very valid point to consider when we are praying for others. Her suggestion is that when we are praying for others that we ask God to show us the emotions within us that we have or are holding on to that are contributing to others suffering or situations in the world. We need to develop a sincere desire not only to know what the injuries and errors are within us, but to also feel them and release the cause that created them in the first place. For example when we were praying for the Pope at his inauguration we needed to ask God in that moment to show us the injuries within our selves that are contributing towards untruths being taught in religion. This generally results in tears and self realisation regarding our own part in the creation of the event we are praying for.
The recent Solomon talk (there are 2 parts to this talk, the link is to part 1) is an excellent example of understanding the Prayer for Divine Love and can be recommended for your reflection and understanding.
The focus each Thursday will continue to be connecting to God using the Prayer for Divine Love given by Jesus. It is a time of reflection and prayer for receiving Divine Love. Perhaps you would like to think of a world issue you would like to pray for using the above recommendation and any other people you feel you would like to bring into the circle.
Feel free to email if you so desire with questions, queries or experiences.
Much Love Susan
P.S. I have found knowing the prayer by heart a very valuable source of inspiration and accessible 24/7.  If you do not know the prayer off by heart, it may be worth considering asking yourself what the block is to using it in your every day life without carrying a piece of paper about with you, smile.



Regular Events: Evening Discussion Group

The Evening Discussion Group is an opportunity to join others in a discussion on the Principles of Divine Truth as presented by Jesus and Mary. It is an opportunity to learn and for personal self reflection on how the Principles of Love and Truth apply to your life and how you can live them day to day. Or to reflect on how much we are lacking living in harmony with the Principles of Divine Truth and investigate (in our own time) the reasons why we choose to do so.

The format of the evening may vary with different facilitators as is their desire.
It may include (but is not limited to) watching, hearing, reading various excerpts of seminar talks given by Jesus and Mary and others on particular issues and to have an opportunity to discuss, learn and apply what we learn in our every day lives practically. An opportunity to discover more Truth, re-visit Truth we may or may not have heard, and encourage one another in living it every day.
There may be some self reflection exercises and/or questions for you to ponder, contemplate and apply before attending the Evening Discussion.
Check out the Events Page for Discussion Group meeting times and dates



Furphies* are something I was introduced to some 6-7 years ago by my gorgeous man Pete. I thought he was making the word up at first and then I found out it meant rumour/gossip/ ‘lies or lying’/stretching or diminishing the truth depending on what you want others to believe or hear or telling untruths {bull s#@t*} – I have adopted the word in a big way as I think it sounds pretty cool. (It is Australian slang. Note about Australian slang, it has some pretty funny words and sayings in it and I still don’t really ‘get it’ so have to have the ‘joke’ explained to me quite a lot – actually come to think of it, most jokes I need to have explained as I don’t seem to ‘get them’).

Anyway the thing about furphies is that I have noticed how many I tell myself and then tell others attempting to convince them and myself I am telling the Truth and am a really Truthful person. What I see in myself is that actually I have not been true to myself, others or you often (if you have read this blog) I have wanted or momentarily felt something, blogged it and then not followed through to the cause of it and really made the heart changes. Or I have loved the thought and momentarily feeling and it has been there but not permanently.

I have blogged a bit about a few things that I felt I had ‘gotten’ or ‘understood’ but to be quite frank I have realised it is all a furphy. I have no real true experience in many areas what so ever. I have done a lot of talking, a lot of thinking and a lot of talking and thinking about experimenting and actually I have no idea really about how to go about the experiment as I am still writing it all down in my journal rather than trying it for myself and taking actions. (It is not quite true I have no idea about experimenting, it is just I haven’t really truly conducted the soul experiments – Yet).

So why i share this rather speilish speil. I was in a batch of bad self punishment for four days last week, totally high flying with my chocolate cake and everything around me as I sit typing looks like a bomb site (I would photograph it for you and stick it up here but my camera has broken and I feel pretty embarassed about how bad it gets). It felt terrible too for myself and everyone around me, bar the spirits who were laughing at me for doing what they wanted without any protest from myself what-so-ever.

During this very negative soul degrading time I was sitting on the loo**  reading Brene Brown’s ‘The Gift of Imperfection’ (I felt the title indicated the book was personally for me as one who feels they should*** be perfect NOW and I felt that I ought to find out what was good about being imperfect so that I might strive for perfection while accepting that I am imperfect right at this time in God’s view) and she was talking about play and fun. Now reading it I felt VERY uncomfortable! In fact I decided to almost skip the chapter. Then I reflected to myself ‘wow you have some big issues with play and fun’`. The thoughts have been sitting there all week and I was talking to a therapist and what does she come out and say to me? ‘Eloisa how much do you have fun? Do you play with your kids often? Do you schedule time with your man to just have fun and play?’

Well what do you know? I said ‘funny you mention that as I have been thinking about it quite a bit this week, I even looked up the institute of play‘ (thinking I could intellectually get some sort of play instructions and tips- hee hee). I just felt depressed about it to be honest and had the feeling that I didn’t want to play, I didn’t want to have fun, it was all a waste of time and I didn’t have a fun, joyful feelings in me what-so-ever, so what was the point? (Imagine a really pouty version of myself standing in a really fun-to-everybody-else-place stamping a little foot and saying, ‘fun, I don’t do fun, my life is not FUN, it is too serious, I am too bad to have fun, I can only have fun when – this, when-that…very grumpy little rumpled-stilt-skined type)  I can get pretty negative pretty fast about things.

So I gave up trying in my head. In fact I gave up thinking about it and then just like that, last night these really cheeky feelings started creeping in. I wanted to write things honestly but with some humour – because really they were quite funny in hindsight, I actually giggled and annoyed Pete by telling him jokes that were not funny. And I blogged a pretty hilarious comment on Mary’s blog that cracked her up (I was a bit shocked someone else found me amusing too) and cracked me up as I wrote it – but were true and what I have literally been doing. And suddenly it dawned on me that somewhere inside of me there might be a bit of funny-ness and that it could be a possibility in my personality and that I have been missing out somewhat BIG time on all the great feelings (I am not too excited as all the horrid feelings haven’t been released yet BUT I felt some HOPE which has not been there for what feels like a very long time). I have to say I am still feeling a bit shocked and scared it will disappear and I will be left all depressed again.

And here is what I realised. I don’t know how I got there or why it came up, I want to be able to ‘replicate’ it and ‘bring it on’ but I don’t actually feel feelings are actually like that now I am investigating my own feelings for myself. The only thing I can link to this is a few days ago when I was trying to make nice with my brother rather than be truthful I sat down on the couch and said:

‘Eloisa how do you really truly feel about this? how do you really, really feel inside of yourself, not what you think you should feel, not what others have told you you should feel or told you is the right way to feel, but what do you feel?’ And I felt it. I was angry, bitter, hateful, and then really… really… really… sad. And that was true. It still is – for now.

So I wrote how I really felt as lovingly as I could and it was like magic, the self punishment stopped and I was able to get a bit of perspective and then some hours later the fun bit of me came out and I hadn’t even ‘tried’ for anything. All I had been was real with myself and stopped telling myself the furphies about how great it all is, how well or not well I am doing, how dedicated I am and that it will all work out and what a fabulous relationship I have with my family – ‘cos the truth is I don’t have a relationship with them at all at this time and there is really no point in pretending I do as that is one big furphy!!

So to sum it all up, I am going to set my intention to get real about how I feel and catch those little, big, fat and thin, nasty and pretending to be nice furphies that I send flying about and examine them closely, find out about them and why I want them so bad in my life. Why I want the furphies instead of the Truths and see if a little bit of that cheeky, fun, funny part of myself can come and play again.

*I thought it was spelt pherfie, sounds like ‘fur – fee’ turns out to be officially

Furphy (Definition from Australian Dictionary link)

Also spelt, furfie: a false or an unreliable rumour or a yarn. [bull shit]

Just for interest (noun a rumor; Derived from the battle fields of World War I, where rumors seems to follow the water carts which were manufactured in Australia by the Furphy company. The US Navy term: “scuttlebutt” also defines a water keg as well as a rumor. Aboard ship was the water keg, where seamen would at times pass on the latest rumors and news amongst each other as they took time to refresh themselves with a drink. )

**I do a lot of reading on the loo as it is pretty much the only time I make for myself on some days.

*** the perfect I feel I should be is perfect for mum, dad, family and what they think I should be and my extremely critical inner judgemental self who thinks nothing I do never ever good enough (she doesn’t believe God loves her much or that God can help her out). I am more than a bit annoyed at what was created in me when I was a kid right now and am harbouring some dark emotions so feel I will leave that for some time in the future when I have actually done something about those and give you some helpful information in surrender and overwhelm.

Right now I can’t give you anything in any of those areas as I haven’t personally experienced them and I don’t think in my heart I even feel like they are such a good idea sometimes. (Imagine a very shrewed shrewish person sitting looking out of my head probably with pointy nose and glasses (looks like me but pointier nose and VERY studious and know-it-all-ee) saying, with a very elocuted accent ‘eloisa quite frankly I don’t think you need any overwhelm what so ever in your life, controlled, steady, just breathe, you are F-I-N-E…’ This is the unhelpful person I listen to often.

On the other side is this lovely gentle soft beautiful creature who lovingly and firmly reminds me, with a joke or two, and many loving smiles that I need to allow myself to be overwhelmed and surrender to all that comes up and allow it out and that way I will heal (she wholeheartedly believes in God, loves God and has God’s love in her soul so she actually KNOWS about it and is telling the Truth). She also tells me that I CAN receive God’s love and God DOES love me and all I need to do is grow some faith and pray much, much more and grow a true desire for God in my heart. It’s that simple anyone can do it!!! Absolutely anyone and that includes yours-truly – ME!

Check It Out

Continuing the subject of being/staying present Mary has a fabulous post up and is going to do a series on “Operation ‘Get Present'”. I highly recommend taking a look if you are an out of body flyer.

Pete reckons that the amount of air points (if you got them) I would have received for being out of body would have sent us round the world many times over, smile.

Mary is going to do a series on ‘Getting Present’ over the coming months. I reckon it is great to learn from someone who has actually done what she is talking about so I have attached the link for your perusal if you so desire to check it out!


To Be Real…

Dare to be real and authentic as I am! ‘Mustering’ courage to look at what is real and true. Try it, experiment… Who is the ‘real’ me. Who am I when I am not hiding or fabricating myself. Reveal the truth to myself without judgement, without ridicule, just as it is in this moment now…
Looking to others to find myself, looking to others to find answers, looking to others to define myself, looking to others to know who I am etc.etc, I am finding disappointing, confusing, un-helpful and taking me further away from me.  To truly know myself all of me and every little bit, I need to be willing to trust myself, be myself and look inside myself (God can help me and be with me in this process as she knows everything about me and much more. I am not alone – ever, smile, (the choice to be so is mine)).
A good place to start:  look in the mirror to find what is really there, as it is now…feel that as I discover it… Then the discovery of what is possible can begin and I can grow and flourish abundantly with God guiding me…That sounds pretty beautiful… what is the possibility of me? What is my potential? How does God see me? What is my true condition as God sees it NOW? What does God see my potential as? What will I be like, feel like, look like when I am perfect? (Wow! endless wonderings here!) What stands between me and God? what stands between me and God’s version of perfection?

To Do, Or Not To Do, That is the Question…

I have been trying for a long time now. Trying* does not work. Pete reminds me it’s really simple,  ‘you do it or you don’t do it’. Either is actually okay**. Making that simple decision ‘to do, or, not to do’ saves much time, effort and energy.

Investigating why I do or don’t want to often leads me to discover things about myself, but this is also a choice. I don’t have to engage this unless I want to. Though, I am finding I am actually enjoying finding out some*** of the details of myself.

It is like reading a book that you sort of vaguely remember and re-reading it years later and ‘remembering’ all the details and how things linked up. It is at moments, exciting, others it brings up rage, disappointment, disillusionment, my illusions are challenged/shattered and what I feel are the ‘realer’ feelings are exposed.

Along with not ‘trying’ so hard all the time I have been seriously self talking myself out of self-punishment and it is amazing how much lighter life is when I do. I feel I can see much more clearly what is going on. What the Law of Attraction is revealing to me and a sort of ‘overview’ of where I am in my life each day.

It is quite facinating. I am not always emotionally embracing of what I am shown. I am not always excited about what is shown to me, but there is no doubt in my mind that a picture is forming and it feels like a jigsaw of ‘forgotten’ or maybe ‘refound’ pieces. I am also relieved and have a feeling of ‘finally the truth!’ It might not be God’s Truth (yet, smile), there is error there, but for the first time I am discovering my own personal truth. The truth of what I feel, what I felt and how it was for me, I am discovering my story. I still struggle and buy into my addictions especially for approval from others, but with self reflection, and I feel loving guidance, I am able to see myself doing that, mostly in hindsight, but at times I can also make a different decision**** the next time it comes up.

* ‘Trying is Lying’ quote from Mary Magdalena
**I have been told this, though, I do not feel this and I struggle with making the decision and feeling okay about the one I make
*** There are still things I am not open/excited/enjoying finding out about myself.
**** I think it would be much easier long term to feel through the addiction and not have it anymore, but at this time I am still very attached to my addictions and want them badly so often I am intellectually making a different decision which is not a permanent change, it is a very ‘try hard’ action and does get exhausting for the small unsatisfactory amount I ‘get’ from it.

‘Soapbox’ Drama

I feel frustrated at times about the reoccurring issues that arise in my life and I have been told often and finally am coming to the conclusion that really nothing is going to change until I release the cause of these things*. I feel like I am perpetually focused on the effects and dealing with those, which I call the ‘soapbox drama’ in order to avoid the ‘real (causal) drama’.


I prefer to remain caught up and exhausted by the effects I create and not dealing with the cause. 
The more that I discover the story of my life, images, memories, feelings, events, and (sometimes) feel them, more often at the moment just own them, I realise that the less ‘soapbox’ I need. There is ‘drama’ enough in my life without needing to create more. 

Dear God,

May I have the courage to delve into the ‘real drama’ to feel what entered me as a child and to release it ‘as a child’ would, rather than holding onto the cause and allowing it to continually create painful effects that cause more pain and damage to others.

Love Eloisa

*It is not due to not trying to change things and make them different. I have tried and it isn’t working – much to my chagrin. It is through the constant experience of having the same issues keep coming up, the same Law of Attraction revealing itself, in many different ways – incase I didn’t understand the last one that showed up – that I am coming to the conclusion that there has to still be the same emotion/s in me to cause the same outcome. And doing the same thing over and over again is beginning to be quite tiring as there is no change. So something I figure needs to be done differently. It also makes sense that due to the same thing happening that I have not dealt with what is creating it, the cause, otherwise I am suspecting it could/would be very different. Hmmm something to act about here.