Healing Experiment: Peritonsillar abscess (Qunisy) & Cool Stuff It Showed Me About God

In June I had a Peritonsillar abscess or throat abscess also known as a quinsy*.

I have been reflecting on the experience and feel it has helped me to begin to build some faith in God.

Being ill helped me to see a few of the incredible gifts of God’s creations, His perfect design in how he created the human body . The Truth that all physical illnesses are created from a refusal to feel emotional pain.

The exciting bit is that if we are willing to feel emotionally I believe all disease is curable. In fact disease is a feedback system to try and get us to actually feel and work through issues at a soul level rather than a physical one.

So what is a Quinsy?

A peritonsillar abscess or quinsy is a bacterial infection in the throat.  It generally involves a pus-filled pocket that forms on or near one of your tonsils. (Thanks to Google for this definition & wikipedia for the image  on right side below).

Below is an image of the abscess on the day after the pain had ceased. Unfortunately I didn’t get a picture of its development or when it was at it’s greatest size. It was really interesting, at one point pushing the dangly thing in the middle right over to the other side on a 45 degree angle, (see sketched image lower down).

Background:

In my 20’s I experienced my first Quinsy. I had a tendency to refuse to emotionally or verbally express how I felt or say aloud my real thoughts and feelings. In the end the denial & emotional build up was so great that I ended up in hospital with the throat abscess being lanced – cut and drained – on an IV drip for fluids and antibiotics for four days and antibiotics and heavy painkillers. A couple of months later it reoccurred a second time and the whole process was repeated.

Symptoms (some):

  • Pain in throat, neck & face
  • You may have a super migraine
  • seriously bad breath
  • ‘hot potato voice’ you can’t talk properly and it sounds all weird like you have a mouthful of something (you do, an abscess).
  • it is so painful to swallow you end up drooling everywhere or spitting out your own saliva & waking up in a pool of it on the pillow. I had a container of saliva each day to dispose of.
  • It is hard to sleep due to the pain
  • swallowing hurts. Taking in fluids or solids hurts so you avoid it if possible.

Present Day:

This time I had a bit of an idea about what I was in for physically. But I set out to experiment with emotionally healing the issues that created it in the first place rather than just physically alleviating the pain. This involved a totally different approach and enabled me to avoid medical intervention and the side effects of prescription drugs.

Motivated by physical pain, which was a result of denied and suppressed emotional pain, (refusing to feel my grief about lack of love of self** and my personal reinforcement of that) I did an experiment.

The ‘experiment’ took 8 days till there was no pain at all and another five for the physical abscess to go down fully. Five or so days were just pain management and trying to get away from the pain, hoping that it would ‘get better’ and 3 or so were more sincere days which really made the difference (they kind of overlapped and I had various experiences and realisations during the other days that contributed to the more emotional ‘productive’ three days).

The most important part of this experiment was making a Will based decision to feel emotionally – whatever it took – and have a sincere go at doing it God’s Way . It was the soul based decision to give it a go God’s Way that created all the positive things that followed.

I experimented with things I had heard in the Divine Truth teachings*** and tested them out for myself. This was a really awesome experience and I absolutely recommend it. I now know for certain through my own experience that denial, refusing to feel how I feel & holding onto emotions makes you sick, causes illness, and releasing emotions (feeling) helps you to heal.

I have added some of my observations and things learned during the illness below. Some feel quite firm in me and some I feel I need more time to allow them to fully sink into my soul****.

I am really grateful to Jesus & Mary for all the information and personal experiences they  share publicly about their relationship with God and feeling through emotional issues. I don’t think I would have experimented as readily without their suggestions.

 

20160704 E Quinsy drawing

I did a drawing as I didn’t get a photo of the development of the quinsy. It went from nothing to at it’s peak pushing the dangly thingy int he middle to a 45 degree angle to the other side. I didn’t think to get a photo as it hurt so much to open my mouth. Wish I had ‘cos it was really interesting.

 

The Process of Healing:

The Abscess grew larger and larger until it took up more than half my throat within 24 hours (see above image).

Lesson: Token chats with God, bargaining with God and hoping for ‘magic’ doesn’t make you better, it is just a way to continue to avoid the real issues and highlights the lack of desire for real change. ‘Surviving’ and ‘managing’ pain does not make it go away. Avoiding the real reason why you are ill in the first place causes you to stay sick & in pain.

I tried to manage my pain in all kinds of ways which didn’t work.

I came across a talk 20090801God’s Laws – Laws Governing Love of Self P1 Near the end Jesus speaks about the throat area storing grief. I allowed myself to sob.

Crying and releasing stored emotions is the most effective antibiotic that I have ever experienced. It is a marvel at how crying heals (feeling emotions) physical & emotional pain. I noticed that it involves both emotional and physical release when you really sob

I have a slogan now: “ As long as I keep crying about the real issues, everything is going to be okay”

I reminded myself ‘IF you release the casual emotion the pain will no longer be there’. Lots of things I reminded myself during this experience I didn’t know to be true for certain, I just held onto the possibility that they might be true.

I reminded myself of the Truth, that every time I break God’s Laws there is pain. So I must be breaking God’s Laws, I just needed to find out how I was breaking them & where.

I reminded myself that God was already trying to show me, so logically there must be something in me preventing the recognition of it. I then examined my denial and resistance to knowing God’s Truth. It always comes back to me and where I am out of harmony with Love – which means I can do something about it. YAY!

Lesson: God’s Truth is a relief! God’s Truth is always loving. God’s Truth helps us heal, it is the anecdote to fear. Find the Truth emotionally and you can begin to heal anything physically. Sincerely desiring God’s Truth on any matter highlights the contrast between God’s Love and our own error.

The more I prayed the more I felt  about how my unloving choices are making me sick – literally – and how they affect & harm others negatively. Harming myself does not just harm me. It harms my WHOLE soul and it harms others around me, either by educating them that they can treat me badly and get away with it which harms me and them, or by reinforcing people treating others badly.

I had a few more good sobs – real sobbing I found is different to pain management crying. It can make pain go away very rapidly. I also experienced skipping over fear and preventing emotion immediately creates more intense physical pain.

Lesson: Develop a relationship with God and you can get through anything!
I don’t have a solid relationship with God yet, but even a growing desire sets one in the right direction.

Lesson: Prayer is Powerful. Sincere prayers are always answered. God is good and has my best interests at heart!

It is amazing that crying and releasing emotion has the power and capacity to heal any physical ailment very, very quickly; God made me so superbly that I am able to heal any ailment that is within me with God’s help and goodness.

God never does anything to hurt us. It is us who harms ourselves, us who harms others or others who harm us.

I had a lot of exciting realisations but the pain didn’t go away.

It was not until I ‘gave up’ managing and was prepared to ‘try anything’ (in harmony with Love) that things actually began to change for real. I think I surrendered.

I think surrender is when you get to a point that you are willing to do it God’s way and you let God lead rather than trying to control everything yourself. You just take direction and do the next loving thing and the next loving thing and the next loving thing that is presented to you.

When I did this my Guides were able to help me and Jesus’ ‘voice over’ came into my head with invaluable reminders:

“Pain is a result of unfelt fear. All pain is created by refusing to feel emotions.”

“Do the opposite to what the fear dictates. Do the opposite to what the fear is telling you to do”

“Every time you break God’s Laws there is pain – physical, emotional, spiritual. Find where you are breaking law and fix it by feeling it”.

“It is loving to yourself and others to feel your pain and release it. God designed you to feel, you were made to feel all emotions. Have some courage.”

“it is a choice to hold onto and store your pain. You can make a different choice.”

I thought out loud a lot of things, but in brief it was basically this (I think I finally engaged my will rather than just trying to push through it):

“Okay, I know people who have done this, it can be done, Fear creates pain. What am I afraid of?”

I began with physical things, and did everything opposite to what I wanted to do because I had decided to do EVERYTHING i could think of opposite to what the fear was telling me to do.

My body loosened, my muscles relaxed a bit and my whole body felt different. The only pain left was in my throat and ear. All other pain was gone.

I was so excited, what I had heard about I had finally experienced for myself and know it to be true (in regards to physical pain).

The next day my throat was still swollen and sore, I kept doing the opposite to what the fear dictated. I swallowed normally, and kept on doing it even though it was painful and over an hour or so it was no longer sore.

The abscess was still there but I had no physical pain. It took another five days for the abscess itself to actually go down to a more normal-ish size.

Conclusion:

The emotional experiment with a physical ailment worked!

The truth is that storing emotions is painful and refusing to release fears creates more pain. I know that for certain.

I feel pretty excited to know that you can recover from a quinsy, or any physical illness, as long as you are willing to feel what you feel for real and do the opposite to what fear dictates.

The Next Experiment:

To apply what I did for a physical illness, to my emotional pain!

 



*More information on Peritonsillar abscesses you can check out the following link or press on the above links near the top of this post:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peritonsillar_abscess

** A great Talk to understand more about the issue of Love of Self: 20090801God’s Laws – Laws Governing Love of Self P1

*** Press here for more info on God’s Truth – Divine Truth.

Jesus Quote, “Clever, Clever God” From what I have observed I am starting to see what he means!

**** Some of these feelings were projected, reminded to me or reinforced to me by my Guides & spirit friends as I still have attractions showing me that I don’t have a heart based knowledge of them. Some came as a ‘voice over’ from Jesus & or Mary in my head reminding me of God’s Truth.

*****Many of the things listed are things I have heard from Jesus or Mary Magdalene. The difference for me about listing them here is that I experienced them for myself and this was the awesome part. Hearing something in comparison to feeling it is quite a different experience. I look forward to learning more through my own experiences.

****** Now it is time to grow my aspiration to feel all the fear/s. I don’t want to end up being like the Croods were at the beginning for the rest of my life

 

 

eye tears

Crying is SO good for you!

 

 

 

Principles

In my experience living by fear, (false) belief systems, addictions, resistance, rage, our emotional injuries and errors etc limits our possibilities, it limits our desires, it limits us from loving with our whole heart, it limits us from receiving. Living by our emotional injuries shrivels us.

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I had a realisation about God’s Truth and Love. They are gifts that have the potential to create permanent positive change across entire universes, many souls at a time (though this is up to each individual soul to embrace themselves and cannot be done without their Free Will, personal desire and humility involved).

Love and God’s Truth are worth standing for and under some circumstances recently I have chosen to honour what Love would do and I have honoured God’s Truth, even when I was afraid, and what I realised was that if I did that in every single interaction that change is not only possible it is certain. It might not be world change – yet – but it gave me the opportunity to change in my life, because for a brief moment I realised that Love is wonderful and has the ability to heal. I realised that standing for Love and God’s Truth rather than self-absorbedly honouring my fears opened my world up, it gave me something to grow towards and it felt good.

This is when I began reflecting on principles. Honouring Love and God’s Truth rather than my emotional error, no matter how I feel, no matter how scared I am, no matter how seemingly futile the situation is to me, when I honour Love and God’s Truth something good always comes of it. I noticed that when I did this I wasn’t as self absorbed, my fear didn’t rule in that moment, it was there but it wasn’t dictating because God’s Truth was different to my own (what a relief) and in honouring Truth & Love, feeling how I felt in the moment change occurred, I felt more positive about the situation even though it didn’t ‘feel nice’.

I am noticing that God gives me what seems like infinite opportunity to learn, to grow, to feel and to change  (I do not always notice, recognise or accept these gifts yet, but I am beginning to see them more frequently and feel the pain of regret in not embracing some of those I recognise I rejected). The one thing God can’t do for me is feel it for me, that is the bit I need to do, to use my will to passionately grow a desire to ‘feel all my emotions all of the time*’.

I feel excited about how Love creates change and that standing for Principles of God’s Truth, lovingly, always brings about positive outcomes one reason being you are acting in harmony with God’s Laws which in my experience so far is always a good thing!

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*Quote: Jesus & Mary Magdalene

Ethical Parenting: Finding Out About Love, Starting With Ethics

 

What does it mean to Love our children?

 What would love do every moment and in every interaction we have with our partner, with children, with others?

How do we know what love would do?

 Have you heard of ‘The Golden Rule’? A Biblical term referred to by Jesus as, ‘treating others as you would like to be treated’. Notice it is not ‘how you are treated, or how you treat others’ but rather how you would ‘like’ to be treated. Or you could take it one step further and say ‘treat others as God treats me’. This is what I understand ethics (very basically) to be. The beauty of ethics is that it is easy and simple to see based on the above premiss: treat others as you would like to be treated, and in most situations this will give a good indication if you are engaging in a loving manner or not.

For me it is a process of discovery about how God treats me. I am needing to unravel a lot of false beliefs about God and have so far only heard the Truths about God not fully experienced them for myself. So I am beginning with ethics, treating others as I would like to be treated. You can do this with or without God.

What does it mean to parent ethically?

I feel we have a heap of double standards as adults especially with children. If we asked of ourselves what we ask or demand of our kids I can guarantee we would be outraged. We would feel controlled, belittled, interrupted, confined, isolated, shamed, unimportant, ignored, entitled, and probably a heap of other things not mentioned here that you probably felt yourself as a child.

I notice often that I treat kids differently to adults.

Grownups when I was a kid said things they didn’t mean, they lied and hid behind ‘nice’ facades which are not really that nice, sometimes downright terrifying. They said one thing and meant another, they didn’t explain, were dishonest and said they knew or would do things when they didn’t, wouldn’t or forgot, they made promises they couldn’t keep. Kids got in the way, were not as important as adults, didn’t get the same attention. They didn’t know what love was because they had been mis-informed and mis-educated about it also. Sometimes I wonder why people have kids if they don’t want to love them, but it seems there are many parents having kids for other reasons than love.

 I realise what I say could be very confrontational. I feel it is true though. I have been looking at my own reasons for having children, they were not pure and to love the children unconditionally. I am having to learn how to love and grow a sincere desire to want to love. I have had a screwed up version of love and a screwed up perception of parenting and I am going through a process of re-education. It feels uncomfortable often and I am coming to terms with the fact that I have not wanted to love. Rather I have wanted to be loved, to be cared for, to be seen as a ‘good mum’. I have wanted the children to demonstrate ‘good’ things about me because I have felt so bad inside of myself.

I feel sad about this because it means I have not allowed the children to just be themselves and love them for it. I have demands, expectations and investments in them. I want from them, rather than to give to them. I have manipulated, moulded and groomed them into what I want them to be, to fit my mould, rather than what God created them to be as they are.

At first I didn’t want to see what I had done. I was in a lot of denial (still am on certain issues and subjects). There are many ways to justify, minimise, deny what we have created and what we do as parents, but honestly we need to get real, get honest and see where we are unethical, where we are out of line in the treatment, especially of children, but also our partners and our brothers and sisters (other people) in general.

Many people think it is okay to shame, condescend to, belittle, hit, hurt, abuse, rage at, violently treat children to varying degrees or under certain circumstances. We say it is ‘for their own good’, ‘we have their best intentions in mind’, often we even say it is because we ‘love’ them. We blame children and excuse ourselves for all sorts of hurtful actions, not seeing that it is us who our children are reflecting in the first place and we are punishing them because we don’t want to be reminded and feel our own pains and hurt parts. It is us who children mirror and they highlight our lack of love.

Children learn so amazingly. They lean quickly and they learn from feelings not words. They reflect our true feelings not the ones we want everyone, including ourselves to believe are true about us (our facades – what we want to believe we are rather than what we actually are at this point in time).

We are responsible, we create so much of the pain in our children’s lives*** – especially when they are very young (as they get older they act out upon the injuries created by us and use their will either in harmony with love or out of it – often dependent on what we taught them until they learn or discover otherwise. Even so their actions come from things that we did to them in the first place, because we chose not to forgive our parents for their actions.), we create it by not allowing our own pain to flow and be released. We create it by suppressing our children, by teaching them to be what we want them to be, rather than be who they are as God created them. We teach our children that they are not okay as they are, they need to be something else – something we approve of, and they do that, or they rebel which ever will cause us to feel the most, and often instead of being humble and feeling our feelings we suppress and punish the child some more. What we need to do is to feel. To own how we feel as we feel it and to feel it responsibly, without taking it out on another soul. It is that simple. Feel and heal – without involving your kids, without involving others, just you and God, if you desire. That is how it is done.

We teach children that parental approval is love. I am saying it is not. Parental approval is nothing in comparison to love, it is a substitute and a poor substitute at that, and yet even as adults we are striving for it rather than seeing that the how we would like to be treated and what we would like to feel (love) from others is mostly not what we are receiving.

 

I feel that a massive, world wide, re-education program is needed that begins with Love – God’s version not ours. We need to re-educate ourselves with God’s Truth rather than the lies our parents and environment taught us as kids and the lies we continue to tell ourselves as grown ups, reinforcing our erroneous childhood educations, that keep us locked up as damaged children. We need to re-educate ourselves first and automatically this will educate our children about God’s Love and God’s Truth through example rather than theory.

If we really want to love we can begin with ethics, we can begin with treating our children as we would ‘like’ to be treated. We can stop controlling them and begin to love them. We can stop shouting at them and withholding approval of what they do or don’t do and be soft with them, teach them about love, self discovery, self responsibility and ethical behavior themselves.

We need to do this through our actions and behaviour not our words. Words are cheap and meaningless when they don’t match the real feelings coming out of us. Being honest, truthful and real is important for real relationships and friendships. To be ethical we are going to need to first be honest and see what we are doing, how we treat others and ourselves and be honest about how it actually feels. So-often we are conditioned to accept unloving behaviour and we come to feel it is ‘normal’ or ‘the only way’ or even the ‘right way’ I am suggesting there is another way (God’s Way of Love) and that we can start right now, with a first step being by simply practicing and treating others as we would like to be treated.

That means stop blaming others, including your children for your own personal pain. For example, stop getting angry at children and own your feelings as yours, find out why you are angry and what you are angry about. I guarantee that you you don’t enjoy people shouting at you, punishing you, condescending to you, controlling you, having double standards and telling you lies so why are we doing it to others, especially children. Children are honest with us, until they are taught otherwise, so why are we not honest with them?

I am noticing that how I was treated as a child is often how I treat children and it is only as I soften to the hurts within me that I am discovering that naturally and without effort I begin to treat our children and others more softly, acceptingly, compassionately. While I am hard and punishing with myself I am also hard and punishing with others.

I encourage you to explore your own behaviours and how you treat your children, I encourage you to be real and self reflective no matter how painful it feels and find out the truth of what you feel, feel it without harming others or yourself and your life will change if you are doing this sincerely. It is beautiful and a gift to both yourself, your children and those around you.

Give it a go, experiment, discover, explore ethics and see what you discover…

* For more information on Ethics and Morality go to the following link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mybby95f3vs

 ** I say ‘your’ children, though I would like to suggest that they do not belong to you at all, but are rather God’s children and your brothers and sisters. I find it helpful to think about this as I treat brothers and sisters very differently to children who I feel I ‘own’. Children are not property, though we have for many generations believed and told them they are. Children are not to be owned, enslaved, brought or sold. Rather children are a perfect gift born from desire and are the most amazing creation and perfect reflection of our soul condition, where we are at and the areas that we need to heal in love. They are a blessing and a gift and our only ‘job’ is to teach them about Love, God’s Truth and God’s Love, God Herself, and allow and enable them to discover for themselves…

***We harm children by mis-educating them about Love, Truth, God and not being truthful about so many subjects. Including not being truthful  about our own feelings and thoughts, creating addictions with children, demanding and expecting of them, inhibiting their freewill and not correcting unloving behaviours in a loving way.

Parents have a lot to answer for. I am also beginning to get glimpses though of what an incredible gift being a parent is and if we ‘parented’ more as God intended it would be friggen awesome all round – that is what I aspire to and get excited about! Children are a gift and a very fast way to learn about love, if you are willing and have a sincere desire to love, in a real way.

Feeling vs Doing

Auto mode, programmed to respond,

 

I have been noticing lately how much I want to do things rather than just feel.
I want to achieve something rather than just experience it. I want to get things done rather than feel my way through the day. I want to fill myself up, rather than just feeling empty, I am still holding onto my erroneous belief that doing is more powerful than feeling.

This has been beautifully highlighted through God’s Law of Attraction.

A little background: I spend a lot of time running* from my childhood terrors**, doing as much as possible to avoid them and keep ahead of them. As you can imagine or if you do this too – as you know, it is exhausting, futile and actually a real waste of time***.

This happens in a cyclical manner in my life. I am beginning to ‘catch’ myself doing it at shorter periods, it used to be months, now a week or a few days and generally I realise,

‘Oh here I am again being all busy, I am terrified, okay, what’s going on, when did this start, why am I feeling this way? What feelings am I really feeling or wanting to avoid feeling’ – yes this is very intellectual for me to begin with. But once I have realised and reflected I then talk to God out loud and I tell God everything I am feeling and thinking, and generally, as I speak it out I often connect to at least the surface emotions – the blocks or the addiction and sometimes from there I get to a deeper feeling. When this happens I feel excited – really excited and guess what? As soon as I feel through even the addiction or the first layer feeling**** I have -the real one – even owning it by speaking it aloud or writing it in my journal and allowing it things instantly change. I get a little perspective. But this only happens if I have felt something.

How do I really feel. Who is actually running the show? Me or Fear?

 

So I realised I have been in doing mode the last few weeks (it has sucked) and I reflected back to the time before that, when I was feeling myself more, enjoying hanging out with the Pete & the kids, I was enjoying my life – more than I ever have, there was some excitement about desires, I wanted to be with Pete, I wanted to know more about myself emotionally, I wanted to feel myself more, and I had an aspiration to Love my brothers and sisters in a real way.

During this time life had seemed effortless in contrast to the last little while.
I had been making time to feel, every time I felt something, no matter how seemingly ‘little’ or insignificant. I had given myself time to feel (sometimes it felt like taking time).

I had been more Truthful with myself (this includes Pete), others and God.

I had loved myself a little more – drank lots more water, not over eaten, had good nights sleep, allowed myself to feel and honoured my feelings in themoment.

I recognised more easily when I was being influenced negatively by spirits and people around me.
Things seemed more in ‘perspective’.
In general there was more joy in my life which was a
totally new feeling and a really lovely one. I feel sad at
how little I have felt joy in my time on Earth.

 

Big head, Little heart. Intellectual at the expense of my heart.

 

 

Without ‘trying’ things had been ‘better’. There had been some joy, I had felt excited, Pete and I had felt closer in a real way, it was ‘easy’ in fact delightful to spend time with the kids and to give them time to explain and correct when they were unloving or treating me or each other un- lovingly. I had wanted to give them time and it made such a difference. They were more open, talked to me more, treated each other better, I felt more at ease with myself, and with others. I had more desire for God and to find out the emotions & false beliefs that are preventing me from feeling God more.

The funny thing is that all I did was feel. It was ‘proof’ enough for me to know that when I take the time to feel rather than do my life is significantly different – for the better!. I encourage you to experiment. To make time to feel yourself & the emotions in you, more and more each day until you become a 100% feeling being (at-one-with-God! – if you want to be) which is as God made you to be.

I know, smile, pretty incredible in a society that values intellect, so-called rationality and so- called logic***** above all else to find out that actually you are designed, created & capable to feel everything – and that is your True Self, the Real You. Yep, that rocked my world when I heard it.

Heart, what are you like?

 

‘What does it mean to be an emotional being?
What does that feel like?
How do you become a 100% emotional being? (Check out http://www.divinetruth.com>downloads>20140208 Relationship with God-Understanding your Emotional Self S1 & S2.)

* By running I mean literally by being busy doing things, creating dramas, or busy-ness in my day to day life, jumping out of body otherwise known as disassociating, over eating or making a heap of food, distractions, self punishment, all kinds of addictions just to ‘get away’ from myself and my real feelings. It creates a pain filled, dissatisfying, joyless life that has often been depressing and completely exhausting!

**Terrors such as: making mistakes and being punished in some way – withdrawal of love, withdrawal of approval, ridiculed etc; being violently abused – from anger, rage to sexual abuse etc etc

***I had the intellectual realisation at 19 that traveling and running away from my fears & terrors, literally and metaphorically, or searching physically for ‘freedom’, was a futile act. I realised intellectually that where ever I went I came with myself – so all my feelings, terrors, everything I was running with was always with me no matter what – unless I felt them or faced them. It is interesting that in my head I have thought this but it still isn’t a soul belief yet because I still find myself some 13 years later still doing the same thing. I thank my spirit friends for trying to help me so much. I have lacked humility (still do).

**** I say ‘first layer feeling’ as I find that feelings are like this, you start with where you are at and then it takes you somewhere completely different so what you began to feel in the first place doesn’t end up being the real feeling that was driving the first one at all.

***** I say ‘so-called’ as often we are not rational or logical due to our unhealed belief systems and unhealed emotions. We think we are being logical and rational when actually we are the total opposite.

Example: think how often we do or feel illogical things out of fear, like feeling that ‘everyone’ should approve of me or like me for me to be happy. This is not possible or logical. Firstly it is guaranteed that someone is going to disagree with what I am doing and it is highly likely that there are a lot of people who are not going to like me. Secondly, I am placing my happiness in the hands of others and setting myself up for disappointment. I would be much better off to feel how terrified I am of not getting approval and how unloved I felt as a child by my parents which would possibly allow me to love myself more and allow me to feel God’s Love more and I wouldn’t be invested in others approval and agreement to be happy anymore. I am responsible for my own happiness or unhappiness as only I can actually feel what I feel.

Discovery Learning: Yabby Creek Adventure

This is a back dated post and follows on from the ‘Discovery Learning’ Post (Feb 19th, 2014).


Yabby Creek Adventure, Kids checking out a water dragon's nest, 12 March, 2014

Yabby Creek Adventure, Kids checking out a water dragon’s nest, 12 March, 2014

March 12, 2014

I have been pondering and reflecting on our discovery Learning mornings lately. My efforts in a ‘teaching/learning sit down’ environment have not been working.
This is what it looks like:
I get excited. I really want to share with the kids all these cool concepts I am discovering or hearing about God, the Universe, God’s Laws and heaps more. I also want them to get it to want to grow towards God (I am disregarding their free will often). I have been creating a sit down exercise I would like. I try & get them to do it. The boys run off after a few minutes to play outside. Iz will sit with me longer but wants to just have time with me and do what she wants with me. They don’t want to do anything I ask them to do. It sometimes feels rebellious, it sometimes feels like they are disinterested, it sometimes feels like they are influenced by others (spirits) in various ways, it sometimes feels like I am forcing them rather than feeling them.
When this happens our morning end up as ‘nothings’ and I feel despondent & disappointed in myself.
So this week I reflected about these things, how I feel about them when they happen, the addictions that get exposed and how I feel frustrated they don’t want to do what do what I want them too (an addiction).
I decided that I would try something completely different.
Instead of doing what I intellectually ‘think’ & have been taught is the right way to ‘teach’, I decided to experiment with how I notice God guiding & teaching me, which is, in the moment, through personal experience, by giving me instant, personal, perfect, feedback of my loving and unloving actions, through God’s Laws and the beautiful universe He has created for us to become self aware and discover ourselves, others and God.
We went ‘bush’ (out into nature).
It was awesome.
20140402 Looking up the creek

20140402 Looking up the creek where we went for our morning adventure

The kids explored (they are genuinely wonderful explorers), found creatures, were engaged, excited for the entire time we were ‘in the field’. They didn’t want to go to school and they wanted to stay at Yabby Creek all day ‘forever’ as Archie stated.
There were a number of things that happened between the kids while we were on our adventure. Izabella took Charlie’s rock and threw it in the river without consideration that he actually wanted to keep it and she had promised him she would get it out again if she threw it in. She didn’t which is a theme at the moment – she is lacking ethics and has some morality issues also of doing things that she knows to be unloving but choosing to do them anyway, for example stealing or taking things even when someone has asked her not too.**
Charlie was really upset as he is when Iz does what she has said she wont – it is a reoccurring issue. This time Charlie cried and I waited.
Iz began justifying her actions and I spoke to her about this and pointed out in the moment exactly what had happened and what she was doing and how it was out of harmony with Love specifically.
When Charlie finished crying he spoke about how horrible it felt when Iz did that to him.
We packed up and drove to school.
Yabby Creek Adventure

Yabby Creek Adventure

On the way we had a in depth discussion about ethics (treating others as you would like to be treated) and basic morals from God’s perspective (doing things you know to be unloving but making the choice to do them anyway). I am not particularly savvy on morals yet myself so I only spoke about what I knew. We began with the rock incident but quickly moved onto issues in both Izabella’s and Charlie’s lives where these things were happening. They guided the discussion and I listened rather than imposed, gave them the Truths I understand, or have experienced personally and asked them questions about their feelings and actions.
What was highlighted to me was that I hadn’t had to ‘teach’ anything. I hadn’t needed to ‘set’ anything up. I had just needed to be present, have a genuine desire to guide the kids in the direction of Love. I was willing to talk to them and engage a discussion about why they had wanted to make the choices they had, how those choices had played out, how that related to God’s version of Love and the Laws that were in play and how they had been affected by these as far as I understood it at this time.
I realised that by just being and wanting to engage, Love, feel and be present with the kids. Being willing to give them time, it made our day so much more fun, the things I had wanted to ‘teach’ them the week before had just happened through the Law of Attraction perfectly so they had an in the moment personal experience example that I could use to illustrate what I had desired for them to know at least conceptually. It was fun, authentic, real and not fabricated and more perfect than I could have anticipated for each of us!
It was interesting to reflect upon how often I am wanting to do rather than just be & feel. But that is another post for another time, smile. Check out ‘Feeling vs Doing’ reflections post if you want to.
** The ethical issues and lack of morals in Izabella are reflecting of Pete and My lack of ethics and morality in various areas from God’s perspective. If Pete and I didn’t have these injuries they would probably not show up in the kids or if they did we would recognise them and be much more firm for love and truth than we have been in the past. We are starting to recognise the unloving behaviours in ourselves more which allows us to recognise the reflections from the children.
God is truly loving in giving us so many opportunities to learn about love with the gift of children!
20140402 kids in Yabby Creek

20140402 kids in Yabby Creek

Discovery Learning Morning

Exploring rocks & insects, Yabby Creek Adventure, 12 March 2014

Exploring rocks & insects, Yabby Creek Adventure, 12 March 2014

November 17th, 2014

A bit of background about these back dated posts.
A friend, Caroline, and I decided to do discovery learning mornings, or ‘Home Church’ with our kids as a way to introduce them about what we have heard or know about God and the wonders of God’s creations.
Our intention was to encourage the kids own desires, discoveries and curiosity in the natural world and engage with our kids in order to share with them about Love in the moment & Love in Action.
I learnt a lot about myself during these mornings.
I figured out over some months that I was wanting a lot from the kids rather than engaging in the moment with them. I wasn’t taking the opportunities of when the children had the desire and were asking the questions. I wanted to ‘make’ times to share about love, or the lack of love,  rather than do so when an opportunity presented itself through the Law of Attraction or the kids desire.
Caro and I began a shared website about our discoveries. I have since decided not to continue with the shared blog as my personal blog is beginning to overlap. (These same posts are up on the other website still, but I posted them here also as back dated posts in order that they are accessible on this blog too.)
I don’t do ‘formal’ discovery mornings any more but we do often head out into nature with the kids and in the moments when things come up I am learning to take those Law of Attraction moments and share about what I have discovered about love, lack of love or am experimenting and learning about love with the kids.
I am seeing more that the Law of Attraction is perfect and God is giving me continuous opportunity to share love and truth, I was arrogantly wanting to make and control moments (thinking I knew better) and then abdicate as a ‘parent’  the rest of the time.
So I am now experimenting with listening more and allowing things to come about through desire, the Law of Attraction & engaging will rather than my will power and by force. I am beginning to see how allowing the kids to develop their will is really important, and me ‘forcing’ stuff upon them isn’t a great way to learn. I notice that there is much more resistance when I force than when it flows or comes from their own desire to know.

Snake Story. Discovery Learning in nature

Snake Story. Discovery Learning in nature

February 2nd, 2014
( Back Dated Post)
We had our first Discovery Learning morning today. I felt so excited about it and wanted to ‘formally’ share all the cool things that I have heard about God with the kids.
I felt starting with God was a pretty cool place to start as from there everything is discoverable, possible and every question answerable. I felt that if I was a kid that is what I would have liked to know about.
As I was loosely planning the morning a few more things came to mind that I felt were pretty important:
  1. God
  2. Love
  3. Experiments/experimenting – your own personal experience of everything to find out anything you desire to find out about for yourself.
Some Guiding Questions:
  1. Is there a God?
  2. What is God?
  3. Who is God?
  4. What is God like?
  5. How do you know?
  6. What is Love?
  7. Are there different kinds?
  8. What does it feel like?
  9. Can you see it or just feel it?
  10. What is God’s version of Love?
  11. What is people’s version of love?
  12. How can you tell if it is real or addictive?
  13. What is your personal experience of love?
  14. Qualities of love
I figured that it was important to give a framework about how the universe works. We inhabit a planet in the universe so lets get to know more about it.
  • Who created it and how was it created?
  • How it works?
  • Are there rules or laws?
  • If so what are they?
  • If so who made them?
  • How do they work?
  • Etc.
I feel that the most important thing I have ever heard is the following:
Seek God’s Love First and All Else Will Be Added To You
So I figured I could share this with the kids and see what they thought about that.
It was great.
I asked them who had made the universe and they said, ‘God’. I asked how they knew that and if it was because I had told them that or that they were certain about it for themselves?
This brought me to explaining how important it is for them to discover all the secrets of the universe and everything for themselves. That it is really important for them to feel for themselves and that the only way they are going to truly know something is by feeling and discovering for themselves.
There is an answer to every question anyone wants to know and the fastest way to get answers is by growing a relationship with God as God can answer any and every question that you have – God created the universe and the potential for everything ever imagined and more.
We spoke about how God communicates with feelings not thoughts and how important it is to be a 100% feeling emotional being in harmony with God’s Love to have a full happy fun filled life.
The kids had a heap of questions about God (just a few below):
  • Where does God Live?
  • How come God is outside the universe?
  • How did God make the universe and everything in it?
  • How did God make lizards? What is inside the earth?
  • What is the earth made of?
  • And HEAPS more…
I was pretty excited and said I couldn’t answer pretty much any of their questions but Guess What? I knew a way that every question could be answered and that was to grow a relationship with God and I also had heard of a way that you could receive God’s Love and the more of God’s Love that you received in your soul the more you knowledge you would have because this was a cool thing that happened as you become more loving is that you know more.
The kids kind of zoned out as I rattled this off and I took a moment to reflect about myself.
I am not receiving God’s Love at this time, in fact for me God’s Love is still something that I have yet to experience and so no wonder there was a bit of a zone out on the part of the kids because they could feel that it was all intellectual for me at this time.
I felt a bit down within myself about this as I realised I wanted to impart knowledge that is predominantly intellectual for me at the moment. I have error and issues to work through in relation to both God and Love and the kids can feel this. It was a beautiful moment of self realisation that what I want to ‘teach’ or share has much more power if I have felt it or have a feeling or personal emotional experience about it.
I noted this and went on to Love (Divine Love & Natural love) briefly (as I had realised that I have fears, error and false beliefs about love to look at, but in the mean time I could still impart the concept and the kids can experiment with it and discover for themselves about it if they want to while I work through my issues with it).
We spoke about how God’s Love Rules and how the universe is completely based on God’s Love. It runs on love. Love is the foundation and how the universe works based on God’s Laws – Laws of Love.
We spoke about what love feels like and the concept of God’s Love and people’s love and how often people love is actually addictive not really even loving from God’s viewpoint. We used personal experiences from the kids lives and I asked them how those felt. They didn’t feel like answering very fully.
They ran off to play after half an hour.
Self Reflection: 
  • The biggest realisation was that when I have an issue with something or only an intellectual understanding not a heartfelt knowing then those around me are going to feel my true feelings not the words I tell them.
  • In my experience when stuff is going on with children, especially younger children it is actually about me/us, the parent/s and something for the parent to feel about, look at and move through. To be honest often you don’t even need to speak with a child in the moment if you actually own your own emotion or better still, feel it then and there in the moment the child’s behaviour completely and instantly changes (if you felt the real feeling). There is no need for ‘behaviour management’ if I am truly humble to my own feelings, thoughts and actions and they are in harmony with love. Even owning my own feelings actually makes a huge difference.
  • Once I have done that and felt whatever feelings I have then I have the clarity to speak with the child/ren about the behaviour if it was unloving and suggest and pose different ideas, concepts or things for them to explore in a loving way rather than from an angry controlling desire for them to do as I tell them and be what I want them to be. (This is a new exploration for me and one that I find works most successfully coming from a feeling place of Love rather than demand, expectation, manipulation or control, or merely intellectually engaging. Intellect is not helpful when you are saying the opposite words to your feelings. Kids feel your soul feelings. They listen and respond to that, not your words). It is highlighting how much I want from the kids and how ‘good’ I want them to be according to me rather than discovering their true nature and desiring to love in a real way because they desire too rather than for mothers approval.
  • I noticed that when the children ‘switched off’, ‘zoned out’ or became disinterested it was directly related to an emotion in me or when I was only intellectually spouting words without heartfelt knowledge about the subject. I found this really interesting to observe and find out about myself.
  • I feel that discovery learning days are so much about me learning and working out where I am out of harmony with God’s Love and God’s Truth through observing the Law of Attraction and being shown through the children (reflectors). The children reflect my unhealed emotions perfectly and so it is an opportunity to see myself as I truly am and an opportunity to learn about love, heal the error inside me and become more loving to both myself and the children in this process. I find that daunting when I am in the middle of it and resistive to what is being reflected by three children all at one time, and exciting and inspiring also when I am more humble and desire to love more sincerely.
  • I have false beliefs about God, Love, experimenting and self discovery. These things and some fears I have were exposed within me during this half hour and I realised that if I am going to present concepts to the kids that they are most powerful when I have emotionally engaged them myself, have a strong positive feeling within me about them or am excited or desire to explore and experiment with them myself. (Mary suggested an exercise of finding out all the things I believe about a subject – false beliefs – and contrasting them with God’s Truth on the matter, then feel the difference. It is a really helpful starting point for exploring and feeling the beliefs that stand in the way of growing closer to God – Thanks to Mary & Jesus for paying this forward!* More information can be found on the Australia Assistance Group talks on the Divine Truth YouTube Channel)
  • It was also reflected that I am the one with the blocks and the issues here.
  • The kids are reflecting me.
  • It is not the kids problem that they are not absorbing things or they get distracted. I could clearly feel the holes I have in myself and some of the feelings, disbeliefs, beliefs, false beliefs and pain I have about love and God and so of course being feeling beings children are going to pick up on these feelings more strongly rather than my intellectual instruction. This was a great lesson for me to see that more often than not it is my imposition and belief systems thrust upon the children that create blocks to understanding or even wanting to fully explore and discover something for them selves rather than something wrong or off with them. This also translates into their ‘behavior’ I find that they ‘play up’ get ‘boisterous’ demanding, interrupt me when I am denying my emotions, in fact their behavior if I allow myself to feel reveals the exact feeling that I was in denial about moments before or it leads me into something much deeper that I wasn’t aware about before. It is more about myself than it is about the kids if I am willing to actually explore emotionally & feel what is the cause of the attractions in the moment.
  • God is Good! (smile).
* * * * * * * *
*‘Keep in mind that no exercises or strategies takes the place of true emotional healing which is vital to our progress, however many of these things keep me away from negative influence and soften me to my fearful feelings.’ Mary Magdalene. For more awesome information and helpful, heartfelt stories visit Mary’s blog ‘Notes Along the Way’, mary.divinetruth.com or the Divine Truth Website www.divinetruth.com 

The Great Experiment or the ‘God Game’*

I want to tell you about the greatest, most beautiful, life changing experiment that I am giving a go.


It is called The Great Experiment. And it is truly GREAT!!! This experiment will rock your world if you engage it with sincerity.

I first heard about this experiment from Jesus. You can try it all by yourself where ever you are in the entire world or spirit world!
This is what you do:
You ask God for some love – as a feeling, with your soul or what you might call a ‘heart felt desire’ or a longing/prayer, like when you really, really want something and you feel it.
Even if you don’t believe in God you can still try the experiment.
The experiment requires you to be truthful with yourself and with God.
So you might not believe in God, or you might think or believe all manner of things about God, this is okay you can still ask God for love and this process will work through the issues that we have with God. Now when you ask you need to be sincere and it needs to be a feeling, so asking from your soul or your heart if you like. Mere intellectual thought and head asking is not going to work very well. But you can try this too to find out for yourself.
Over the last few months I have begun to actually ask God for love (over and over again**), it began as recorded below:
‘Hi God, okay so I don’t think I am that lovable and I don’t know if I actually believe you are going to give me any love but if you do have Love to give me, like I have heard you have, could I have some? Please? (I thought being polite would help, smile, it also highlighted some injuries & fears I have)
I waited.
Nothing.
I said it again.
Nothing.
I got up huffily and went and got busy for a while and then it dawned on me, ‘Ahhh I don’t receive love very well from most people or I am pretty demanding and expectant about it, I have issues with love so I probably need to take a look at my beliefs and feelings about love if I am going to actually be able to receive Love from God’.
After discovering I have issues & blocks to Love I discovered*** that I also have issues with God and so I needed to firstly find out what I really believed and felt about God. As I am longing for God’s Love, both God and Love are worth investigating about how I feel about them so I asked myself some questions.
Self Reflection Questions I wrote down:
  • What are my beliefs about love?
  • Do I want to love?
  • Do I want to be loved?
  • How does God love?
  • What is love?
  • What is God’s love like? (obviously I don’t know personally, so what have I heard about it so far from reliable sources – like Jesus, Mary, friends I know who have experienced God’s Love and people in General who seem to have a love for God and who feel God is loving – I used these as a starting point, I am going to need to feel this out for myself but I needed some positive things to begin with)
  • What do I see as Love and is it really love?
  • What do my parents see as love?
  • What do my friends -past & present – see as love?
  • What does society and the world at large in general feel about love?
  • What are my beliefs about God?
  • What do I really feel God is like?
  • What have I been told God is like from parents, friends, school, religion, society in general and the world at large?
  • What is my actual real view of God as I am now, not things I have heard but what do I really feel about God and Love right at this time? 
  • There are heaps more questions that have come up and some I have investigated and some I still need to feel about. Often I revisit the questions as often when I intellectually answer them they are quite different to when I emotionally answer them.
I Borrowed Questions (Mary’s reflection Questions):
 
  • “What beliefs do I have about God that stop me asking for the Love?”
  • “What beliefs do I have about myself that stop me asking for the Love?”
  • “What stops me longing for the Love all the time?”
 

Then I tried the experiment again, and again and again and each time I have discovered something about myself through the process.

This began as an intellectual exercise. It is growing into a feeling exercise. A first hand experience of my own, and I reckon that is what it is about, experiencing it for yourself. Not taking anyones word for it but giving it a go for yourself because you want to.
I hit points where I get frustrated as I am not getting any Love – due to blocking it out, and I feel like I am useless and wasting my time and that maybe it is all a charade. I have had self pitying tantrum cries about that and reflected back and this is what I noticed:
  • Since longing for God’s Love I have noticed more things about myself in the shortest amount of time in comparison to the rest of my life and have also begun getting memories, first intellectually and then with feelings and emotions attached to them a few days after the initial remembering. 
  • Since longing for God’s Love I am seeing that a lot of the issues I thought were God’s problems or others problems are actually about myself and feelings within myself creating them.
Reflecting on this I began to feel excited because longing for God’s Love is exposing all the things that are standing in the way of me being close to God (& ironically to others also). I feel like I have a whole heap of blocks to God and each time I ask for God’s Love I find out something more about myself and the blocks/false beliefs/fears/addictions etc I am holding onto and valuing more than an open heart ready to receive Love.
So I am figuring that longing for God’s love is the fast track and I don’t have to try, it has relieved some of the pressure I place on myself. something comes up every time I sincerely long for the Love and it feels like no effort on my part to find it out or know it, it is just immediately there, instantly. If it doesn’t happen that way now I ask myself if I was actually wanting to know or just intellectually thinking I did.
I am finding now that often I will ask for God’s love and a memory will come and I will have  tears, this is also exciting for me as I am re-learning how to feel and re connect to myself having been disassociated for such a long period of time and having been terrified to feel any of my own emotions. I still am afraid of my emotions but I am beginning to check these fears out as well and get specific with my fears rather than just have a general fear cloud that I keep my head stuck in.
I am arrogant and resistant to God and God’s process. I want, and weirdly believe, that I am some how safer and able to protect myself. I realise, intellectually, this is not true and is proved not true so many times each day to me. I have been opening up to more feelings of being sexually abused and I have realised that I am not going to be able to work through those feelings fully without God and His Love, I need God and I find that scary as I don’t want to need anyone. I also have been really demanding of God’s Love and had to realise this about myself as well as wanting God to do the process for me instead of me taking responsibility and wanting to feel through the issues inside of myself with God just along side of me.
Longing for God’s love is one seriously cool adventure and though I can’t say I am always enthusiastic about seeing my true self because I still judge her, I am excited in reflecting back at how EVERY time I have longed for God’s love I have learnt something new, realised something, or opened up to something either immediately or very shortly afterwards (the next day or so). The changes so far in my experiment seem small but they are real, they are mine, and I have even caught myself getting excited about God and wanting to tell people about the Great Experiment, smile.
I haven’t been overwhelmed by God’s Love – yet, but I don’t feel this is because God isn’t wanting to Love me now, I feel this is due to my will and that is keeping God’s Love from me. 
I wrote this to encourage you to give this experiment a go. To dive in and try the experiment and keep trying it, self reflecting as you go. 
 
The whole point of the ‘Divine Love Path’ or ‘The Way’ is our relationship with God & opening our soul to receive God’s Love. I feel that I have missed that point and wanted it to be about all sorts of other things. But God & God’s Love is key in this process and experimenting with longing for God’s Love is spectacular. It is exposing, it is immediate – when I want it, and it is real. It is taking an action and growing my desire and will. 
 
It is the only thing that has actually worked and the experiment is so simple and so easy. I have some fears and terrors that I perceive as large and I am realising that if I don’t have a relationship with God I am unlikely to actually feel through those terrors, in fact I know I wont as I haven’t done so yet. So I am experimenting with growing my relationship with God and I will see if that makes a difference with my desire to actually go through the emotions I feel most afraid to feel. 
 
Have fun and enjoy the beautiful process God created for us to become at one with Him!
*******
More interesting Information on the Great Experiment:
Personal Footnotes:
* We were speaking with a group of kids in the spirit world and they called it the ‘God Game’ after they had tried it and they wanted to know why everyone didn’t know about this and why everyone wasn’t playing the ‘God Game’
 
**  I didn’t actually try it for ages because I didn’t think I was good enough or loving enough. I thought if I wasn’t perfect and really great then how could I possibly be given any love, I don’t feel loved by my parents so how could God love me if they don’t? I believed that out of all God’s children I am the one unlovable one, so I just didn’t ask for love instead I tried really hard to be better and more loving. It hasn’t worked which indicates to me I must have something off inside of me, and so I need to investigate that.
 
***  I had been told this previous but what I found is that when I actually took the time myself and sat down and longed for the Love it was through my own first hand experience that I knew I had blocks to God and Love and I couldn’t pass them off as easily as some moments before.

The Great Experiment:

Interestingly enough I came across a really great transcript and talk Jesus and Mary gave in 2011 while writing this post called:

20110507 Relationship with God: Getting to Know God (given in Melbourne, Australia)
I cannot recommend it enough!! If link doesn’t work it can be found on the Divine Truth Website: http://www.divinetruth.com> downloads>ebooks>Relationship with God: Getting to Know God>PDF>

Also another called: Why we Resist God and there are a whole heap more I am now reading through.

In the Padgett messages we hear from spirits who show perseverance in their prayer life. 
For example, Riddle shares:
And, when I learned that prayer was the only way to this Love, and saw you praying for me with all your heart and in great earnestness, I commenced to pray also; but I must confess that my prayers were not accompanied with much faith. But I continued to pray, and every night when you prayed for me and for the many others who were with you praying, I tried to exercise all the faith possible and prayed for more faith.
This continued for some time, and one day your grandmother……. She assured me that if I would only try to believe, and pray to God to help me believe, He would answer my prayers; and I would soon find that with my earnest efforts, faith would come to me, and with faith would come this Love into my heart, and with this Love would come happiness and joy.
So I listened to her, and tried to believe that what she told me must be true, and that she was interested in me and desired only my happiness. I continued to pray, …..
At last, light came to me, and with it, such an inflowing of Love as I never dreamed could exist, either in the earth or in the spirit world. But it came to me and I felt as if I were a new spirit, and such happiness came as I never experienced before.
The Great Experiment clearly requires patience and perseverance as we develop real faith.