Things have been getting real with Pete and I over the last few years. I mean real as in how they have been all along but we didn’t want to see or feel, preferring to remain in a delusion of our own creation rather than seeing the relationship from God’s Perspective.
When we met, got married and moved in with each other, we didn’t just move in physical belongings, we also moved in piles of unresolved emotional baggage and flawed belief systems. All the baggage we had at the very beginning of the relationship, all the gender issues and belief systems were firmly in place before we met.
We didn’t begin our relationship with a blank canvas we came with a whole load of mixed up paint that coloured everything we did. So when I mention what happened between Pete and I please note that the attraction was to help both of us work through unresolved issues from our past (childhoods) particularly with our parents and also the choices we made in our lives due to not healing our childhood pain.
Pete and I got together for a variety of reasons:
- Possibly because we are soulmates (both of us have yet to emotionally resolve if we are or not)
- Some mutual passions and desires we wanted for our lives. We were attracted to the passionate part in one another that popped up when we dreamed and discussed certain ideas
- Addictive reasons. We were willing to feed each others addictions which made us feel attracted to one another
- Dependency. We wanted certain things from the opposite gender and were willing to give them in a barter exchange if we got what we wanted in return (there was a long list of expectations and demands on both sides)
- Barter. We believed this was a good relationship. We did things for each other not as a gift but as payment, with the expectation we would get what we wanted, emotionally and physically in exchange
- Complementary emotional injuries. There were beliefs each of us had that slotted together perfectly, such as women are less equal than men, or men should provide the external means for the women and children to live within
- Co-dependence. Wanting the other to fulfill gaps we didn’t want to fill ourselves in order to avoid feeling emotions in ourselves. Feeling we needed each other in an unhealthy way.
- Spirit influence from spirits with similar injuries and some with darker motivations
When we first met I was not aware that the above list was the basis of our relationship (In hindsight I didn’t want to be aware). I entered the relationship with a heart full of hopes that we would be happily together forever. Unfortunately because both Pete and I were in denial about our emotions and soul condition and both of us were relating to each other in facade, we refused to see ourselves or each other honestly, warts and all, at the beginning of the relationship. Instead I glossed over areas that I didn’t like or felt warning bells about, I chose to not pause longer enough to feel about what was happening and I definitely didn’t speak up because I didn’t want to expose or feel painful emotions in myself.
The problem with building relationships on facade and fantasy reality is at some point this is going to be exposed and when the flimsy foundations are challenged, by one or both parties desiring to grow and change the relationship, the relationship as you knew it crumbles. This is what happened with Pete and I over the past years.
During the seeing self and partner as we really are initial phase, it often seems/feels terrible at the time and often ends in unresolved anger, bitterness and distance with both parties holding onto hurt and pain. But it doesn’t have to be this way, once the facade relationship has crumbled there is the opportunity to have a real relationship built upon God’s Way.
God’s Laws are made to correct everything that is out of harmony with God’s Way (Love, Truth, Morality, Humility etc.) So if we see the pain in ourselves as an indicator that something is wrong and out of harmony with God’s Loving Laws we have the opportunity to correct it.
Living in harmony with God’s Laws brings many gifts and rewards. So if one or both parties in a relationship chooses to correct everything in themselves out of harmony with God’s Laws and lives in harmony with the Law (basically turns their life around) it brings them closer to others and if they are in a partner relationship there is the opportunity, for the first time, to build strong foundations based on Love, Truth, Humility, Morality, ethics etc (God’s Way) which creates connection, self responsibility and a firm basis for any relationship. This is what I desire now.
In this phase, even in the hard times, their is a more positive feeling within me, a trust that if I keep doing things God’s Way everything will work out (I don’t know how they will work out, but I trust God knows and I just need to find out what God knows).
For information on God’s Laws and living God’s Way see links at end of post.
Part of growing and changing is to becoming emotionally aware and sensitive to the truth of what is happening in your life and the world. If you cannot see truthfully what is happening from God’s perspective you can’t change it and you have no guidelines to ensure the change is positive for all. Finding out how to get an education about Love, Truth, Morality, about God and God’s Laws was the first step for me (I am being educated via the teachings of Divine Truth and my personal application of that material).
To have a connected partner relationship I am finding I need to have a passionate desire to Love & for Truth & Morality, to be humble and if I don’t have a desire for the above things find, feel and work through the reasons why I don’t.
I am finding that the more emotional knowledge I find out about:
- How I treat others
- How I treat myself
- How others treat others
- How others treat me and
- How others treat themselves
to be extremely important and useful. This information is gradually coming into my awareness the more I experience and release emotion.
How I became aware of co-dependence and addictions in my relationship
The main was was receiving feedback from loving sources. I have received a lot of personal truth from external sources. Feedback from people who are in a higher condition of love to me has been the most powerful gift and helped me become aware and see what’s actually going on in my life. I feel grateful for the gift of external feedback from loving sources, Thanks to Jesus, Mary, Tristan, spirit guides, God, and random people I have met who have been open enough to channel helpful information from spirits without realising.
Experiencing love in action in contrast to my personal life. I have the opportunity to be in a social and work environment that highlights the contrast in love to my home environment. I am experimenting with asking God how He feels and with how my guides feel (via mediumship) and when I am emotionally open get to feel the contrast between their love and my family life.
I began examining addictions and co-dependence in our relationship.
I began to say ‘no’. And the resulting reactions showed me issues out of harmony with love and truth.
I began to say, ‘I don’t like how I am being treated and I want to recognise and no longer accept pull downs about my nature and personality anymore’. And then I took actions to reinforce this feeling because I had said the words before but not done anything about it which reinforced the belief in others that what they were doing was okay.
I learned that taking loving, truthful action is far more powerful than the words I speak. Acting is immensely helpful to rapidly expose issues out of harmony with God’s Way (we need to become sensitive to recognising what we are feeling, and being told and shown).
I wanted God’s Truth, I wanted to learn about what love with a partner actually is, not what I had been conditioned to believe (I am still learning). What I believed was a good basis for a relationship (co-dependence, addiction and barter) feels exhausting and lacks connection it is pulling us apart, so it isn’t love.
I began making decisions and taking actions that challenged and changed how the relationship ‘has always been’.
I grew my desire to have a relationship God’s Way.
Conflict is an opportunity for change to occur
As you can imagine when two parties co-dependently sign up for a relationship based on barter and addiction to support each other in not feeling emotional pain and then one party says ‘now I want something different’ there is going to be conflict.
I still want to avoid conflict so this has contributed to slowing down the process of change. It has been the points of conflict that are helping me grow. Every conflict brings up emotion, it is up to me if I make the choice to feel or not.
It is only by releasing emotion that real change can occur (paraphrased from Divine Truth teachings).
Every time there is conflict I learn something about myself, (if I feel about it). And every time I feel about an issue and release emotion change and growth can occur.
My process to recognising the truth about our relationship over the past years
Recognising addictions, barter and areas of co-dependence, it’s tricky with co-dependence because both parties usually agree which is the reason for the ‘ co’. Reminder that co-dependence is between TWO people so both parties have emotions to work through. Usually we are so blind that it takes outside feedback to show us, before we want to see and feel it. Or it takes exceptional self reflection to see where we are at.
For me the focus right at the beginning when I first heard Divine Truth was ‘what’s the truth about me and how am I being unloving?’ (this is an ongoing discovery), then it was confronting my family (parents). Over the past three years I have been recognising unloving treatment towards myself from others. In our relationship this has been Pete’s treatment of me, in a nut shell using nasty ways to gain power, control and sexual domination over me in, which was the relationship my dad set up with me as a little girl. My parents primed me to accept and be open to certain treatment and feelings and I had not made a choice to disagree with them so I went along willingly with similar desires in other men I engaged relationships with, including Pete.
The part I recognised first (with help) was that I agreed with the false premise that I was to blame for anything ‘wrong’ in the relationship (with dad, mum and Pete, kids). With Pete this included the breakdown of our sexual relationship and that I was hurting him when I told him how I felt or spoke about personal truth in regards to our relationship.
Over time I came to see, then feel the dynamic of some addictions, and area of our co-dependence (we have many and I am not aware of what I don’t see).
I first raised the issues I became aware of with Pete tentatively and only on the odd occasion, preempting attack I still had the feeling I was to blame and wanted to maintain this to prevent potential attack (this is a sin on my part). Feelings are more powerful than words so no one really took me seriously at first. Then I raised the same issue/s more and more frequently. Now I bring up the issues in all our conversations if they remain unresolved (Mary channelled my & others guides recently and they encouraged me to speak up even more than I am, so there is even more truth from God’s perspective to be spoken in the relationship). It has only been as I feel my emotion about these issues that I have been taken more seriously. The amazing thing about emotion is when a real shift happens people feel it without you having to say anything. Taking actions and making decisions seems easier because you feel more certain about what to do rather than afraid or angry which makes it difficult to make good decisions. I also notice that I get immediate feedback when I take actions.
Taking responsible actions (that are based on love) and being humble to my feelings and feeling them as they come up is an ongoing lesson, otherwise change does not occur and I end up stuck on the same issues. Action brings up emotion. (I am working on this area).
I am seeing that I must stop using fear as an excuse, feel the fear rather than talk about it (I still resist this aspect). Be honest about what you really feel. I discovered I was saying I was afraid when actually I was really anger which brings me to the importance if self reflection. Without honest, emotional self reflection it is very hard to discover anything about yourself..
God can give us immediate information and feedback when we want it via the conscience, I am experimenting with this as it is a faster way to feel and find out information about myself and what is happening in my life, as well as any Truth from God you want to know about (it is a process of desire and sensitization to recognise where information is coming from).
As I have begun deconstructing our relationship I discovered many things about myself and my addictions and co-dependence. This is the beauty of God’s Way. When we begin challenging unloving situations there is education for everyone involved.
For example, I was confronted with how I attracted what was happening in my life, and how desperately I want Pete to give me certain feelings. How willingly I exploited his injury to get worth by doing physical work and how I used sneaky underhanded tactics in an attempt to gain an illusion of power in the relationship rather than feeling powerless (there are many other things, these are just a few).
Reflecting on the above statements, our relationship has been based on power play using anger when it suits us as a way, or an attempt to control each other and the environment. This contributed to corroding the relationship.
Thanks to Jesus and Mary’s partner relationship presentations and personal feedback I am learning that finding out and focusing on God’s Truth, Opinion and Feelings about what is loving cuts through the ‘he said, she said’ arguments and makes communicating more simple and less messy. One or both parties passionately desiring God’s Truth and working towards a life based on that Truth will eventually bring soulmates together in a truly connected relationship (this is not yet based on my experience, but I do know truth & love and experiencing emotion as it comes up creates connection and heals resentment).
Accepting that the relationship I have is flawed and damaged has taken a while. Now I see it for what it is.
All the things out of harmony with God’s Way in the relationship need to be fixed by both people in the relationship. Pete and I are in the ‘break down and learn what needs to be fixed stage’.
Peter and I have not lived with each other for the past two years. I moved out and at first this was temporary giving us each the time and space to work through issues in the relationship. Now it has become permanent due to the same issues still not being resolved on Pete’s part.
My goal is to work through the gender issues I have, come to know in my heart who my soulmate is and to come to a place where I am lovingly immovable on matters of love, truth and morality.
I want to love men & women in a true and pure way (as God designed) and to love and know my soulmate whole and open heatedly.
So as I go through the ‘learning what needs to be fixed stage’ of a relationship and the ‘fixing what needs to be fixed in me stage’ my desire is to learn how God intends partner relationships to be and live in harmony with that.
Links to Divine Truth videos*
* Thank you to Jesus and Mary for all the information they share about God’s Truth, their personal journey and progress. For more information visit the
Divine Truth website or
Links to information on: