This post was written 30 May 2018 but didn’t get published till now (December 2020).
Curiosity is a quality that leads to the discovery of new things. And personal experience is a most memorable teacher. Depending on personal choice (and often external influences) curiosity can either lead to positive growth towards love or can take us in the opposite direction – away from love. As a parent there are many opportunities to be a positive influence in a child’s/children’s life and simultaneously learn about love or our lack of it, as children ask questions and seek answers.
In our family, when the children’s curiosity naturally brought them to ask about sex I saw an opportunity and the potential for a truthful discussion about loving relationships and a variety of other topics, including: love, soulmates, soulmate romantic relationships, morality, sexuality, emotional connection, love and respecting their bodies and the nuts and bolts of the sex act itself (taking into account the children’s desire to know and my understanding of those subjects at the time).
The questions the children asked created an opportunity for me to learn about myself and the children all at the same time. I asked the children about their feelings, ideas, perceptions and understandings about a variety of topics including: love, sexuality, their feelings about soulmates and relationships in general and to discover where they had absorbed information and formulated their views from e.g:
- What they had observed so far in their lives (from us their parents, family, friends etc.)
- What they had found out via their experiences and observations of relationships between people they know
- How TV/media portrays relationships
- What they had heard or overheard from other sources – kids or adults in their lives.
Background (how the conversation occurred)
A friend loaned me a book about Female Orgasm. The children can read now and they wanted to know what orgasm was, which sparked a discussion about sex and sexuality.
The beauty of being truthful is that it brings up issues naturally and sparks curiosity which created the potential to find out more about the kids thoughts, feelings and beliefs.
The children’s curiosity led the discussion, and some basic internet research inspired further questioning.
At their request I read aloud some of the orgasm book and they looked up words in the dictionary such as orgasm and ejaculation and then we discussed the words and many other aspects of sexuality that they wanted to know about, including the importance of love, truth and morality in relationships and how God has designed soulmates so each human has a mate, the other half of them, their soulmate – one person to explore sexuality, intimacy and intimate love with.
During the conversation and over the following months the kids had further questions about sex & relationships and we had some good discussions.
The children’s questions also provided the opportunity for me to reflect more deeply about my beliefs growing up, and what I have now heard via the teachings of Divine Truth about relationships & sexuality (links to resources on sexuality at the end of this post) and my personal feelings on relationships and sex and how these have influenced the children’s views and perceptions.
Discussion & reflection topics
(some the kids and I spoke about, some we didn’t)
- Loving soulmate relationships
- Importance of love and morality in relationships (what is morality and what is love, what love does and what love looks like in action)
- How truth creates connection and closeness in relationships
- About what I have heard so far about loving interactions with soulmates
- How God made sex to be a pleasurable experience that we can enjoy on our own, and a gift to share with our soulmate
- Sexuality as a pleasurable gift from God
- Our sexuality is precious and an expression of our soul
- Having sex with someone we truly deeply love and who deeply loves us, not for addictive or unloving reasons (what is the difference)
- Knowing our self and growing a relationship with our soulmate before having sex
- God made every person with an inbuilt pleasure center (sexual organs)
- How people act out in abusive and corrupt ways via sex
- Using sex to gain power
- The mis-education around sexuality in contrast to loving sexual expression
The children and I discussed
- What the kids ideas and knowledge about sex and sexuality currently is and where they learned that from including what they have seen on TV/movies or observed in life
- The children’s feelings about the concept of soulmates (this reflected their parents views and ideas)
- The children’s feelings and observations about the partner relationships they have observed in their lives
- God’s definition of a soulmate relationship (their ideas)
- The importance if loving others and self, truth, humility and morality in relationships and how this creates connected relationships
- Exploring their sexuality with them self, God’s designed the body to feel sexual pleasure and we each have the means to do so on our own as well as with our soulmate
- Sexual issues and how relationships generally are in the world today
- Peer pressure and some issues that teenagers face having sex at high school
- How to say ‘no’ and leave a situation when they feel uncomfortable with a person
- How the more sensitive we are emotionally the more we can feel people’s motivations, intentions and desires (and our own)
- Brief info on pornography on the internet (they had heard about it so we discussed it)
These discussions began with me asking the children questions about their thoughts, feelings & experiences and then sharing information about what I have heard, know or am learning about these topics myself.
During one of our conversations the kids came across the word condom and wanted to know what it meant. I encouraged them to find out for themselves. They did an internet search and we had the opportunity to speak about contraception and pregnancy. I suggested that we buy a packet of condoms and the kids see what they are.
The next time we were at the supermarket they chose an assorted pack of condoms and tested them out.
The kids did lots of giggling and when the giggles had subsided they asked questions about:
- How to use a condom
- Why condoms are used
- If girls also wear condoms
- Why there are different flavours, textures, colours and sized condoms
When we had spoken about what a venereal infection is and the emotional causes of why people get them (to the best of my knowledge, e.g: sexual shame and emotional causes of physical ailments and illnesses), about pregnancy, safe sex and having sex with someone you really love rather than being pressured to do so or pressuring others. The children then experimented with the condoms. They became quite inventive and realised that condoms have many uses:
- As balloons
- As condom ‘babies’ (a condom filled with water that they looked after until they burst)
- Water balloons
- The children are not at an age yet to be using condoms but they now have an idea about how to use them and so far have no negative stigma or embarrassment attached to the item.
I learned from this attraction that via physical experiences opportunities for education present themselves naturally. Also the children’s questions have been a catalyst for my own self reflection.
For example, I found out some information about the emotions and false beliefs the children have inherited from us their parents about relationships and sex (one child reflected shame, disgust and wanted to control or stop the conversation at times, the other two engaged the opportunity and asked questions).
I asked the children about their thoughts and understanding and what they know, have heard or interpreted about sex and relationships which generally resulted in some interesting revelations and answers.
I enjoyed the natural curiosity and lack of self consciousnesses the children had during the conversation. It was a fun discussion and I am glad that I had the opportunity to discuss these topics with the children and created the opportunity for an open dialogue and further questions in the future.
My hope is that the children trust and know that they can come to me at any time and ask questions or tell me about what is happening in their lives, no matter what it is, and we can have open, frank, honest and non-judgemental conversations.
Reflecting on my past experiences, I remember how embarrassed me and my peers were about sex at school, fascinated but concerned about what others (parents, school teachers, peers) would think.
What I observed in the children due to me being open and honest in the discussions and engaging their curiosity, was a lack of concern when it came to purchasing condoms or talking about most of the facts about sex, they were curious for the most part. Each child had different reactions to our discussions depending on the subject matter. There were times when they reflected emotional responses to particular aspects that reflected their parent’s (mine or their Dad’s) injuries about sex and relationships, this was part of the sex education for myself finding out what was being reflected back to me about my own beliefs and feelings about relationships, sex & sexuality (I did not discuss this with the kids, I just observed and felt about it later).
In the past I found it really difficult to speak about sex and loving relationships. I remember the first time Izzy, age 3 years, asked about what the finches (birds) were doing ‘fluttering on top of one another’ and how much I wanted to avoid the question. I had not worked through any issues about sex and relationships at the time and all my emotions were exposed inside of me when she asked. While I was freaking out on the inside (due to not allowing my feelings) Izzy kept on asking the same question over and over again (I realised that this was an attraction for me to feel and learn something). And so I thought about how best to answer her question and came up with, ‘be as simple and factual as possible and if she asks more questions answer them simply and factually’. And that is what I did. I said something along the lines of, ‘the finches are having sex, also called mating or copulating and it was how they make babies, fertilize the egg so that a baby finch grows and hatches out of the egg’. This was enough to satisfy her at the time.
What I learned from this experience (and because I hated being lied to as a child both overtly and covertly, and I didn’t like information being withheld because I was ‘too young’ or ‘wouldn’t understand’) was that simple, truthful information is the best possible way to answer questions especially on subjects that many of us find uncomfortable. Once we feel our personal emotions and false beliefs about issues e.g. God, death, the afterlife/spirit world, spirits, sex etc it is not so hard to talk about these or other topics people generally avoid.
I also learned that if I didn’t know an answer to the kids questions to say, ‘I don’t know’, which happens a lot, because there is so much that I do not know. This is important. I also pointed them in the direction of how they could find out via reliable sources.
In hindsight I see that the questions the children ask have helped me:
- Learn about the children
- Learn about myself
- Connect to unhealed emotions within myself
- Find out information about subject matter I wouldn’t have usually explored
- Think about things I wouldn’t have thought about had the questions not been asked
- Discover some of my passions and desires.
So now when a child asks ‘Why’ or asks a question that I find challenging, I feel how I feel about it and:
- Attempt to provide a simple, truthful answer if I can; or
- Get them to ask the conscience (God); or
- Research if there is a simple, truthful answer to their questions.
I encourage the children to connect to their conscience and ask God directly for answers. I am experimenting with this myself. It is a very important and useful thing to know, that there is the ability for direct communication with the creator of the universe (God) which means an answer to every single question that you can ever think of. The key is to be sensitive to the connection (via feelings and emotions) and recognise when it is God who is communicating with you and when it is someone else (e.g. spirits or yourself) and who that someone else is sometimes that can be a bit tricky if we are not sensitive to feeling other people.
Divine Truth Resources
Video playlists about sex & sexuality and partner relationships can be found at the following links:
Sex & sexuality playlist (Divine Truth Extended YouTube channel)
Partner relationships (Divine Truth Extended YouTube channel)
Partner relationships playlist (Divine Truth FAQ YouTube channel)
Information on the conscience can be found at the following link:
How to use the conscience as a guide
Spirit influence link: