Author Archives: Eloisa

Play

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This image was inspired by Caroline and the Scholar Spirits she channelled who had forgotten how to engage in play
It is for you (and me) and all those who need to re-discover playing, joy and fun, I hope you enjoy yourselves and find the playful childlike part of you again. (Thanks to my spirit friends for inspiration in images!)
I wish you a wonderful and playful day, have fun discovering who you truly are as God see’s you, smile!

Soul Experiment Series: Loving Animals equally – Foxes

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Our Friend Mr Fox

We realised some time ago that we had a lack of love for some creatures in comparison to others on the property. We value sheep and cattle more highly as they are/were our income, and we feel small creatures need ‘protecting’. We like native animals especially small and ‘cute’ ones and free and wild animals and love birds often above others creatures. We had very different feelings towards ‘pests’ including foxes, ‘feral’ cats, pigs, large mobs of kangaroos, various insects, eagles etc (we love eagles now but when the family first moved to the property they were deemed sheep killers and so were hunted themselves to prevent attack on the sheep.) Really anything that ‘attacked’ us, ‘our’ food, the livestock, or potentially may ‘attack’ us, the livestock or ‘our’ food.

AJ and Mary were talking to us a couple of years ago about how we don’t love all animals equally and encouraged us to look at the reasons why. At the time Foxes were an issue for us, killing lambs and we feared the attack on the livestock. We had had a shooter who whistled up the foxes and then killed them regularly on the place for years. When we decided that we would eat vegan (for a number of reasons) one being that we no longer wanted to intentionally kill animals, we felt that that applied not only to domesticated animals but to all the animals on the place so we also stopped all contract shooting of any kind of animal on the property.
We also decided to do a soul experiment with the foxes – the hypothesis being if we loved them equally would they feel the need to attack other animals on the property? So we began with our intention set to love the foxes as much as we love other animals and work through our fears, beliefs and reasons that we didn’t value them as much as, say the sheep. God has created ALL creatures and loves all her creations so we needed to ask ourselves why we don’t love all creatures equally just like God does?
For a time it seemed like there were more foxes and we were worried they might ‘take over’ but as we went through the process of working out why we favoured other animals and loved foxes less an amazing thing happened. We noticed that foxes didn’t actually prolifically multiply or attack the livestock. And now there seem to be the least amount of foxes there ever has been on the property.
We talked to our guides about the issue also and felt that eventually the foxes would leave, discontinue breeding or they would regulate their breeding and eat less meat or merely meat that had died naturally rather than having to kill to get food. Foxes have a negative reputation in Australia. But we are finding foxes are a beautiful animal, we found out that up to 80% of their diet is actually fruits, berries, insects and small animals if that food source is available (see scat image below), we feel that the fox (and many other animals that are ‘carnivorous’ at this time) would easily make the transition to eat a diet of insects and fruit if an abundance was available.
Due to humans taking away a lot of preferred food sources for various species they are forced to pray on other animals or what is available. We don’t really consider this when we strip away plants and habitat to graze livestock for money or personal gain, we give little thought to any creature other than those that we can ‘get’ something from, until they become a ‘problem’ or a ‘predator’. What we don’t realise is that we are the cause of the problem in the first place (this is exciting if we can own we are the cause, and find out what the emotional cause within us is, as this is what is going to enable us to change. We need to change our soul not just our intellect on these matters. It is all very well to say ‘we love foxes now’ but honestly that doesn’t work, we tried it and it didn’t stop the attacks. What did stop them was our genuine heartfelt change, the soul change, that is what stopped the attacks*.)
Fox scat: This is what foxes eat

The foxes seem to have now regulated in number. Angelo spoke to us about the fact that when we had been shooting the foxes, generally we were killing ‘an old’ fox with an established den, what happened is we disrupted the hierarchy system and in it’s place maybe 3-5 new foxes would move in increasing the population due to the balance being disrupted. Also the foxes felt hated and attacked by us and due to this bred prolifically increasing the population rapidly (see Jesus’ talks on ‘creating loving eco-systems’ for more information on aggressive and passive creature responses this can also be viewed on YouTube, there are 2 parts to the talk). We have now not had contract shooting for maybe five or so years and we feel quite differently about the foxes and there are the least number there have ever been on the property. They are rarely attacking and have not attacked sheep for a few years that we are aware.

The foxes will sit on rocks and watch us drive past now, they don’t always race away or avoid us at all costs, they are still wary at times but often we will pass a little nose sticking out of the grass just watching us go by. There is even one who lives at the top of the drive to our house.

We did see one who had attacked a galah and we feel the bird life gets attacked at times by foxes (and cats) and so we need to now look at our lack of equality of love in this area. We do love birds more and so they are likely to be attacked until we work through the emotions we have about that.

Now, if or when a creature does get attacked we ask ourselves what are the underlying causes within us that created the attack. We pray to be shown the reasons why these things are happening (we often go into self punishment and feel like we have done something wrong) BUT we are beginning to challenge this and be firm and honest with ourselves about what we feel when it happens. Pete and I voice our feelings as soon as it happens (if we can) and often realise that it is what we say in the first moment that is what has created the incident in the first place. Because the animals reflect us we are responsible for what happens to them on the property. Our soul’s are what protect or do not protect all the creatures great and small. Due to the creatures reflecting us it is an instant feedback system exposing errors, injuries and where we need to heal our soul in order to become more loving and grow closer to God.

Every creature has a purpose and God created them all. Animals, insects, micro-organisms etc are not ‘bad’, ‘wicked’, or intentionally attacking, some are merely doing their job, they are merely reflecting the human soul’s condition of love or lack of it and highlighting the areas where we need to heal and become more in harmony with love. Some of the injuries are intergenerational and have been going on for a long time, some are just starting to be exposed.

So in summation: we feel, and have some strong evidence now, that if you love one creature more than another it will either be attacked or attack (depending on it’s nature) until we love all creatures equally. We feel that when we love all creatures equally then each creature will feel loved and will not feel the need to over breed or attack another creature and the whole environment will eventually be in balance and harmony as God intended it to be.

We are excited and look forward to sharing with you more Soul Experiments, the direct relationship between the soul and the world around us (including flora and fauna) and the eternal wonders of God’s universe that we are finding out about and how our love or lack of it directly affects the environment we live in.

* We are now having a similar situation with the pigs and until we work through the errors within our soul and release all the feelings that come up with each pig attack on the things we love and come to a place of equal love for the pigs and all of God’s creations, I highly suspect (actually firmly believe) that things are not going to change. In fact we know it wont. We have said ‘we love the pigs’, and we genuinely do think they are cute, amusing and have a growing fondness for them, but there are some underlying emotions in us, which are readily and rawly exposed when they dig out the dam walls and furrow through trees we have just planted, that clearly indicate to us that we do not love these little dudes equally – yet.

Note: We love watching documentaries on the natural world, especially David Attenborough, and we find it really interesting when ‘new animal behaviour’ is discovered especially attacking behaviours. With what we feel and know in our hearts now (and with some confirmation and enlightenment from Jesus) we can see the direct correlation with the human condition and lack of harmony with love and working against God’s Laws. For example the Kea in NZ has in the last ten years gone from being a herbivore to a carnivore – now attacking small chicks of other birds as a food source. If you look at NZ’s major exports and what they are economically reliant upon it is meat/animals (and tourism mostly). So the Kea is just reflecting by highlighting the emotional error in New Zealander’s (and the rest of the world) of how we feel that killing and relying on the meat industry is okay. 

Or Termites, it is their job to recycle and clean up dead matter, they are not intentionally attacking us or our houses, they are just doing the job God created them perfectly to do. Another issue is often there are not other food sources available. If we built living structures, which I suggest would actually be healthier for us also to live in, then I suspect that they would not get eaten by the waste warriors as much. Unfortunately instead of looking at our soul condition and the lack of love within ourselves and taking responsibility for what we attract into our lives we just exterminate the Termites. Termites are amazing and without them the foodchain faces real dangers. Termites are vital for so many creatures and they are super genuises in architecture as well, we have much to learn from the humble termite and I suggest taking some time to investigate and find out about them before eradicating or exterminating them.

Soul Experiment Series: What the Aphid’s Revealed

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Comparison November 2012*:
20121103 Aphid infested kale plant
20121103 kale plant next to Aphid decimated one, no aphids in sight

Aphids are small amazing creatures that have a collective consciousness. They are most well known for sucking the life out of your plants and killing them. We did an experiment with the aphids. I had a plant indoors (American Watercress), it was sitting in the window and growing really well, I was looking forward to eating it and it giving me a tasty snack. A few days after I had brought it from the supermarket I noticed a couple of aphids on it. I was a little taken aback and awe struck about how an aphid could suddenly appear on a plant in my house ( I am still wondering about how this actually happened) Anyway over the next week the aphids took over and the plant was getting really hammered, eaten alive literally. I thought about many nasty ways to hurt the aphids and get rid of them. finally I put the plant outside and abandoned it thinking it was going to die. I checked it out a few days later and I was super surprised as suddenly the aphids had diminished in number. I felt sorry for the plant and somewhat guilty that I had just stuck it out in the cold so I brought it back in to see if it would grow again and heal.

I was telling our friends about this experience and in doing so had some really amazing revelations, the main one being that when it came down to it I was the Aphid. I was the one sucking the life out of things around me through my expectations and demands upon them. I was shocked and ashamed. But guess what? Some amazing things happened from just having this intellectual realisation! (Our friends were also telling us about goats and how accurately they reflect the soul condition of most humans on the plant at the moment – take, take, take, eat, eat, eat, constantly, they are never satisfied, never have had enough, greedy, wanting more, more, more, decimating everything that is in their environment and still eating. Like the aphids I also realised I am the goat – this is actually ironically funny in that my star sign is capricorn and I have always hated the fact that the symbol for that is a goat, but on this particular occasion ALL the associations lined right on up and I was horrifically amused, smile.)

When I realised this (I was mortified) I reflected upon what had happened with the watercress and the aphids: I had a demand and expectation that the plant would feed me, the aphids attacked, I unceremoniously and rather abruptly took the cress outside and abandoned it ‘cos it was not going to give me what I wanted from it, the aphids diminished in number, the plant that had been attacked perked up and began living again – my expectations had gone down due to thinking it was not going to be able to feed me and as my expectations and demands on the cress ceased so did the attack. When I brought it back into the house out of guilt, it didn’t thrive and it didn’t heal very well.

I decided after realising that I was a goat/aphid, that I would choose to love the cress and feel love for it without the expectation of eating it, without the demand that it would feed me. I found a lovely little spot at the bottom of our garden tap where water collects and made it a little bed to live in, I literally told it out loud I would not eat it and that it could live out it’s life as long as it liked in this nice moist spot, I also felt really sad that I had treated it so badly and apologised out loud form my heart. I am telling you it has gone from limp aphid attacked unhappy to thriving flourishing and happy. I am in awe of the power of my soul and at how similar to an aphid/goat I am – a demanding life sucker who expects to get everything I want immediately.

This was the cress after being outside a little while.
I will update this with a picture of the Cress now tomorrow.

Unfortunately I didn’t document that one so you’ll have to take my word for it, But I did take some pictures of a similar thing happening in our garden with aphids and the kale. (See top two images for best comparison of the kale up close).

20121008 can’t really see the difference but the left hand plant is getting sucked by the
aphids the right hand side is pretty much untouched – a few bite marks only.
 

There were 3 kale plants and one got decimated and two were left with only a few bite marks pretty much untouched by the aphid colony. We found if you squashed or tried to kill the aphids it was as if every single aphid felt attacked and was terrified that you were going to kill them too, so they began cloning and clone they did till the entire plant was covered in this amazing collective organism. What was interesting is that one plant got entirely covered and attacked and the others didn’t and they were right next to each other.

20121008 aphids up close
20121008 aphids on the stalk

Then a month later the ladybirds moved in.

20121103 Ladybirds and Aphids

Honestly it is as if all aphids are one aphid.

Aside: I notice this sometimes with the sheep, one sheep makes a decision and all the sheep make the same decision almost simultaneously, like they have been told, they can be half a kilometre away from each other and yet they still make the same decision. I was told sheep are dumb, but honestly my experience of sheep is that they are highly intelligent. They have been dumbed down a lot due to domestication but gee whizz, sheep are smart, they are also athletic. We have one dude who easily high jumps the sheep yards without touching the top bar. I am telling you they are super duper cool! Just like aphids.

I think aphids are awesome and due to their helpfulness in highlighting some issues of love I need to look at I am even more grateful to them. I am also in awe of the precision and total perfectness of God’s love, God’s Laws and feedback system. I am still coming to terms with how powerful my soul is and how instantly animals and plants respond to the love or error that is within it!!

I encourage you to take notice of the living environment around you and the effect your soul (both loving and unloving) is having upon it! It is fascinating, revealing and you can learn so much about your self and God through the process!

*This happened last year, it has taken me some months to actually record it and post it.

Soul Experiment Series: Piggy Bumps

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piggy bumps/God’s ploughs – pigs
We have some friends in the animal kingdom who are reflecting to us and showing us about our soul injuries. The creatures we are talking about are Pigs. The kids love the pigs, they are cute and funny and there are heaps on our place. They are excellent ploughs and create fabulous maddocked areas all ready for planting. We were driving around the property the other day and going over their earth works which Izabella named ‘piggy bumps’.
pig tracks
A little background on the pigs:
Pigs are an introduced species in Australia and unless domesticated and being bred for meat are regarded as feral and are shot religiously, feral animals in Australia are culled by law. In fact our nearest little biggish town is renowned for being the capital of the pig hunter. We periodically have calls from people who want to come and shoot the pigs and other feral or ‘pest’ animals on the property. Unfortunately what we are doing by shooting the ‘problem’ is preventing the Law of Attraction and exasperating the problem, here’s how: When we shoot the pigs (or any animal) the emotion that drives that actually causes the pigs to replicate like wildfire. The more we attack them the more they’ll replicate (see loving eco systems talks for more detailed information).
An aside: We did a course a short while back on animal rehabilitation and it is recommended that any non native animal brought in injured or found needs to be destroyed – put down/killed – you are not to rehabilitate them as you are not supposed to release them back into the wild – you can keep them in enclosures if you want to but it was not recommended. This felt really off to us as it is just reinforcing the emotions that are creating the problems in the first place. It was an eye opener though to our own personal desires and desire as a nation to eradicate the effects of our creations rather than deal with the causes.
For the last five or so years we have stopped shooting any animals on the place and begun looking at what our souls are creating and what the animals are reflecting. We believe that animals reflect us – humans – thus their behaviour is directly linked to us. Unfortunately the more they are attacked and shot the more they breed and the more they destroy, they are aggressive animals rather than passive and go into overdrive breeding wise when attacked (refer to loving eco system talks for more detailed information on aggressive organisms and why they do this.) We are noticing that many of the introduced so called ‘feral’ animals do this in comparison to the native animals that actually do not prolifically breed when attacked.
So how does this relate to us? We have been looking at why this happens and why we have attracted it into our lives. Firstly we found out that we do not love all God’s creatures equally. In each of the four souls on the property have favourites and treat different creatures differently. Pigs have been killed and are deemed a pest. When we stopped the contract shooting of pigs on the property we began enjoying the pigs, (they are like barrels on legs, very quiet and really amusing and funny when you come across them) but the emotions have not completely healed/changed within us. There are still fears amongst other things. When we heal the errors within us the pigs will not feel the need to attack the land or breed as rapidly and intensively as they are now. They are showing us things that we may not have seen otherwise, reflecting a whole heap inside of our souls we need to heal.
Recently we haven’t found them so amusing and realise we still have issues to work through in regards to the favouritism emotions and how we feel about ‘feral’, domesticated, wild, native, all different species of creature.

We went out to Standbye paddock a couple of months ago (one of the Summerfest project sites) and we were quite simply devastated to say the least. In fact we felt like giving it all up and that the whole world was working against us. We felt that everything we create gets destroyed and that it was a waste of everyone’s time who helped out if it was going to be all ruined.
Our friends the pigs had been in the paddock and literally dug up dam walls, trees, rooted through newspaper, everything had been foraged. Physically we could say that is the moist parts, etc etc, BUT we went a little deeper and had our beautiful friends visiting, Jesus and Mary, who were able to tell us exactly what in our soul was creating this (as we did not want to see it ourselves at the time and had gone into self punishment and shutdown numb mode for a time) What a gift from AJ and Mary!!.
We have emotions within us of feeling that:
  • Things that we love and create get destroyed,
  • Why even do anything if it is going to all get ruined
  • and the feeling that if we involve others in projects here we are to blame for the loss of their time and effort.
  • How we feel we are to blame when we are attacked and somehow we must have done something wrong and it is our fault
  • Our willingness to accept attack and our unwillingness to feel the grief of being attacked (by someone, something, spirits) causes more attack.

These were a few of the emotions exposed within us for us to feel through which brought us closer to the stuff inside of our souls that needs to be healed in order to care  for the land and animals in our care more effectively.

Jesus had also suggested fencing the areas we were planting down but we chose not too, thinking that it was only the sheep that would be a problem and we would solve that by keeping them out of the paddock. The irony is we thought fences control the sheep when it is actually our souls and this goes the same for the pigs. We are missing a big truth about our soul and how powerful it is. Jesus saw much more than we did and we did not choose to follow his direction on this one and thus set ourselves up to be open to self punishment which we ended up going into with the damage that was done.
We did not see the wild animals as under our control. We saw the fences as the method of control not our souls and the piggies showed us this loud and clear.
We learnt some valuable lessons:
  • Don’t be afraid to see my soul’s true condition at the time and make the appropriate compensation in love, for its condition with as much effort as possibly can at the time.
  • Know I can’t trust my feelings while I have injuries and errors around certain things. If I know I need time to deal with the feelings/emotions and if I have not dealt with them then make some compensatory effect that is loving that gives me time to deal with the feelings while still allowing for the growth to occur.
  • Everything is not always our fault. We are not responsible for everything that goes wrong. Everyone who works on the property contributes to what happens it is a collective law of attraction the areas that have had the gift of volunteers and our time.
  • It has not been a waste of time. It was an awesome and valid project that has highlighted areas where we need to patch up ‘holes’ and feel through emotions that are out of harmony with Love and Truth.
  • Find the reason WHY these things happen so we can feel through the emotions within us and no longer have the holes that allow the attack in the first place.
  • Pray for a willingness to see the things we do not want to see or ‘cannot’ see, if we cannot see them we cannot heal them. So grow the desire to see everything about yourself ( I reckon I need to grow some big humility for this one!!!)
  • Keep working on our favouritism emotions and get to a place where we love every creature equally (this needs to extend to loving every one of our brothers and sisters equally and all God’s creations equally. At this time we do not.)
reptile heaven piggy digging
reptile heaven piggy diggying
It happened again on the 21st May at the bottom of reptile heaven. It was triggered by a specific emotion or set of emotions at a specific time and the end result was what is seen in the photos. The beauty of this is that we could trace it back to what we were feeling just before it happened. The pigs have never been in this close to the houses and where we live. We were shocked and devastated again, highlighting that the emotions mentioned above have not yet been healed.
We thought you may be interested in how the soul affects everything around it and how our soul attracts events to highlight things we don’t want to see, God is continuously wanting to refine us in Love and to teach us about growing closer to her. This is an example of that process and how when the injuries exist within us they are played out through the Law of Attraction. It also highlights how our souls influence every creature around us.
Reptile heaven Piggy bumps (or pig digging/destruction):

Furphies

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Furphies* are something I was introduced to some 6-7 years ago by my gorgeous man Pete. I thought he was making the word up at first and then I found out it meant rumour/gossip/ ‘lies or lying’/stretching or diminishing the truth depending on what you want others to believe or hear or telling untruths {bull s#@t*} – I have adopted the word in a big way as I think it sounds pretty cool. (It is Australian slang. Note about Australian slang, it has some pretty funny words and sayings in it and I still don’t really ‘get it’ so have to have the ‘joke’ explained to me quite a lot – actually come to think of it, most jokes I need to have explained as I don’t seem to ‘get them’).

Anyway the thing about furphies is that I have noticed how many I tell myself and then tell others attempting to convince them and myself I am telling the Truth and am a really Truthful person. What I see in myself is that actually I have not been true to myself, others or you often (if you have read this blog) I have wanted or momentarily felt something, blogged it and then not followed through to the cause of it and really made the heart changes. Or I have loved the thought and momentarily feeling and it has been there but not permanently.

I have blogged a bit about a few things that I felt I had ‘gotten’ or ‘understood’ but to be quite frank I have realised it is all a furphy. I have no real true experience in many areas what so ever. I have done a lot of talking, a lot of thinking and a lot of talking and thinking about experimenting and actually I have no idea really about how to go about the experiment as I am still writing it all down in my journal rather than trying it for myself and taking actions. (It is not quite true I have no idea about experimenting, it is just I haven’t really truly conducted the soul experiments – Yet).

So why i share this rather speilish speil. I was in a batch of bad self punishment for four days last week, totally high flying with my chocolate cake and everything around me as I sit typing looks like a bomb site (I would photograph it for you and stick it up here but my camera has broken and I feel pretty embarassed about how bad it gets). It felt terrible too for myself and everyone around me, bar the spirits who were laughing at me for doing what they wanted without any protest from myself what-so-ever.

During this very negative soul degrading time I was sitting on the loo**  reading Brene Brown’s ‘The Gift of Imperfection’ (I felt the title indicated the book was personally for me as one who feels they should*** be perfect NOW and I felt that I ought to find out what was good about being imperfect so that I might strive for perfection while accepting that I am imperfect right at this time in God’s view) and she was talking about play and fun. Now reading it I felt VERY uncomfortable! In fact I decided to almost skip the chapter. Then I reflected to myself ‘wow you have some big issues with play and fun’`. The thoughts have been sitting there all week and I was talking to a therapist and what does she come out and say to me? ‘Eloisa how much do you have fun? Do you play with your kids often? Do you schedule time with your man to just have fun and play?’

Well what do you know? I said ‘funny you mention that as I have been thinking about it quite a bit this week, I even looked up the institute of play‘ (thinking I could intellectually get some sort of play instructions and tips- hee hee). I just felt depressed about it to be honest and had the feeling that I didn’t want to play, I didn’t want to have fun, it was all a waste of time and I didn’t have a fun, joyful feelings in me what-so-ever, so what was the point? (Imagine a really pouty version of myself standing in a really fun-to-everybody-else-place stamping a little foot and saying, ‘fun, I don’t do fun, my life is not FUN, it is too serious, I am too bad to have fun, I can only have fun when – this, when-that…very grumpy little rumpled-stilt-skined type)  I can get pretty negative pretty fast about things.

So I gave up trying in my head. In fact I gave up thinking about it and then just like that, last night these really cheeky feelings started creeping in. I wanted to write things honestly but with some humour – because really they were quite funny in hindsight, I actually giggled and annoyed Pete by telling him jokes that were not funny. And I blogged a pretty hilarious comment on Mary’s blog that cracked her up (I was a bit shocked someone else found me amusing too) and cracked me up as I wrote it – but were true and what I have literally been doing. And suddenly it dawned on me that somewhere inside of me there might be a bit of funny-ness and that it could be a possibility in my personality and that I have been missing out somewhat BIG time on all the great feelings (I am not too excited as all the horrid feelings haven’t been released yet BUT I felt some HOPE which has not been there for what feels like a very long time). I have to say I am still feeling a bit shocked and scared it will disappear and I will be left all depressed again.

And here is what I realised. I don’t know how I got there or why it came up, I want to be able to ‘replicate’ it and ‘bring it on’ but I don’t actually feel feelings are actually like that now I am investigating my own feelings for myself. The only thing I can link to this is a few days ago when I was trying to make nice with my brother rather than be truthful I sat down on the couch and said:

‘Eloisa how do you really truly feel about this? how do you really, really feel inside of yourself, not what you think you should feel, not what others have told you you should feel or told you is the right way to feel, but what do you feel?’ And I felt it. I was angry, bitter, hateful, and then really… really… really… sad. And that was true. It still is – for now.

So I wrote how I really felt as lovingly as I could and it was like magic, the self punishment stopped and I was able to get a bit of perspective and then some hours later the fun bit of me came out and I hadn’t even ‘tried’ for anything. All I had been was real with myself and stopped telling myself the furphies about how great it all is, how well or not well I am doing, how dedicated I am and that it will all work out and what a fabulous relationship I have with my family – ‘cos the truth is I don’t have a relationship with them at all at this time and there is really no point in pretending I do as that is one big furphy!!

So to sum it all up, I am going to set my intention to get real about how I feel and catch those little, big, fat and thin, nasty and pretending to be nice furphies that I send flying about and examine them closely, find out about them and why I want them so bad in my life. Why I want the furphies instead of the Truths and see if a little bit of that cheeky, fun, funny part of myself can come and play again.

*I thought it was spelt pherfie, sounds like ‘fur – fee’ turns out to be officially

Furphy (Definition from Australian Dictionary link)

Also spelt, furfie: a false or an unreliable rumour or a yarn. [bull shit]

Just for interest (noun a rumor; Derived from the battle fields of World War I, where rumors seems to follow the water carts which were manufactured in Australia by the Furphy company. The US Navy term: “scuttlebutt” also defines a water keg as well as a rumor. Aboard ship was the water keg, where seamen would at times pass on the latest rumors and news amongst each other as they took time to refresh themselves with a drink. )

**I do a lot of reading on the loo as it is pretty much the only time I make for myself on some days.

*** the perfect I feel I should be is perfect for mum, dad, family and what they think I should be and my extremely critical inner judgemental self who thinks nothing I do never ever good enough (she doesn’t believe God loves her much or that God can help her out). I am more than a bit annoyed at what was created in me when I was a kid right now and am harbouring some dark emotions so feel I will leave that for some time in the future when I have actually done something about those and give you some helpful information in surrender and overwhelm.

Right now I can’t give you anything in any of those areas as I haven’t personally experienced them and I don’t think in my heart I even feel like they are such a good idea sometimes. (Imagine a very shrewed shrewish person sitting looking out of my head probably with pointy nose and glasses (looks like me but pointier nose and VERY studious and know-it-all-ee) saying, with a very elocuted accent ‘eloisa quite frankly I don’t think you need any overwhelm what so ever in your life, controlled, steady, just breathe, you are F-I-N-E…’ This is the unhelpful person I listen to often.

On the other side is this lovely gentle soft beautiful creature who lovingly and firmly reminds me, with a joke or two, and many loving smiles that I need to allow myself to be overwhelmed and surrender to all that comes up and allow it out and that way I will heal (she wholeheartedly believes in God, loves God and has God’s love in her soul so she actually KNOWS about it and is telling the Truth). She also tells me that I CAN receive God’s love and God DOES love me and all I need to do is grow some faith and pray much, much more and grow a true desire for God in my heart. It’s that simple anyone can do it!!! Absolutely anyone and that includes yours-truly – ME!

Video Link

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I was sent this link some time ago and it entered my mind today as thoughts about learning were passing through.
I don’t endorse everything on this video personally but when I watched it there were some parts that I found really exciting and made me think about how much I love learning new things, finding out about new things and also possibilities that I didn’t and don’t feel apply to me (due to some false beliefs I need to let go of.)
Anyway I thought if you are interested in education and learning you may enjoy watching this too.
If the link doesn’t work below I have also added the link you can put in the URL bar and search for it too: http://www.ted.com/talks/sugata_mitra_build_a_school_in_the_cloud.html?source=email#.UTo5KoN1Bis.email

Have a wonderful learning, playful* day!!

* I write that purposefully as it makes me feel uncomfortable. Playful? what is that? I realised sitting on the loo reading Brene Brown’s ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’ that I don’t play much and I am not very comfortable playing. Pete has also highlighted this to me. I feel I need to investigate this somewhat.

‘sMothers’

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Thoughts of mine on Mothers or ‘sMothers’:

I have been thinking about ‘mothers’ and what a mother is. What did God intend the role of a mother/parent to be? I have been thinking about the ideal that I have about a mother and the reality of my own experiences – of my own (surrogate) mother/s and being a ‘mother’ myself and how different they have been to what I thought and anticipated. I have also been noticing in myself how reluctant I have been to share my feelings and thoughts honestly about mothers, mothering and how I feel. 

I see how far removed I am, and I feel general society is from what I have heard about God’s intentions and design of mothers and the family structure. (I would like to know more in my heart about what  parenting as God intended is like, and how God truly designed it to be in a state of Divine Love and Divine Truth. I feel the first step would be to actually get to know my True Parent and Creator God personally).

I feel that as a generalisation there are ‘Smothers’, ‘neglecters’ or a combo of both. (I am sure that other people have written screeds of intellectual information on all of these things. I merely have a few thoughts and feelings of my own about it from my own experience. Many of these have been angry, disappointed, disillusioned, deeply sad – which are still there to work through, and more). 
 
I feel that many women (including myself) who think they are ‘mothers’ should really be called ‘smothers’ because they don’t really allow the little soul’s in their care to be themselves, grow as God intended them too or allow the child’s own free will. It is sort of like ‘mothers will’ and then you will get approval or what often is thought of as ‘love’. 

‘Mothers’ I feel have quite a bit to examine if they were open to it and then see how that actually affects the children. (Probably fathers do also. I talk of mothers as I speak of myself in this post, my own experiences and my experience of ‘mothers’ but maybe where one reads ‘mother/s’ you could substitute ‘parent/s’ ‘caretakers’ – because often they are taking not giving).
 
In my own experience I have at times felt overpowered and smothered by my mother’s anger, fear, expectations, demands, investments, needs, neediness and being made liable for many of her emotions. I have also seen the immediate results of myself doing this with the children in our care – almost identically (though I wish I could say I was different, I am not). I have experienced feeling neglected. Feeling like I had no-one I could share painful experiences with, no one to listen to me, no one to protect me or care for me, that what I said, did, or was, was of no importance or significance to anyone, that I was embarrassing and shaming. This may not be how others saw it but this is what it felt like for me as a child. I have also had this reflected to me by ‘our’* children.
 
I have been reflecting on this feeling of being a ‘good mother’ and how I use it to hide just how bad I feel about myself and what a ‘bad mother’ I actually feel I am. I demand emotionally from people, and especially from the children in our care, and set up a facade of being a ‘good mother’ to hide how I truly feel about myself. I am highly invested in ‘our’ children and examining this brings to light all sorts of interesting discoveries for me about myself (many of which I do not like, judge, and really don’t want to be part of me. As an observer I think they are be most interesting as they basically highlight why I behave as I do).
 
This is an addiction and a damaging place to live (‘I’m a good mother’ place, it is also demanding and angry) I am just wanting everyone to tell me how good I am to avoid the real feelings that come up of feeling so terrible and like such a ‘bad’ mother/bad person. I project out to the world ‘think I am a great mum’ in order to get approval, feel like I have a ‘job’ a ‘worth and get attention for something that really I did not create and that I actually have no idea how it was created. I mean if you think about it, I had sex and that was it. I didn’t actually ‘do’ anything else to make a child. God created it to happen so beautifully, seamlessly and effortlessly, it is truly a miracle. 
 
God took care of the whole thing and no person (I know of) actually fully understands and knows how a baby is created and why the body does what it does and how it does it. We know a few things but really have no idea. We can’t replicate it and yet we feel we are super intelligent. I don’t doubt when we are as God made us that we are super intelligent (though often we don’t act like we are in our current conditions) but I do feel we have a lot of arrogance to claim we know more than our creator about things. God knows best. God always has known best and always will know best, that’s just the way it is**, God made us, it’s logical she would. 
 
From what I understand (intellectually) God is our real parent and as a parent on the earth plane I am but a ‘surrogate’, my role really being only to disclose what I have learnt about God’s version of Love and Truth and God, and convey what I have learnt on ‘How to connect to God…’ to the little souls in our care and then they will have the tools to discover the rest***. (I think there is a really great FAQ question session on Parenting coming up on the Divine Truth YouTube FAQ channel if you are interested I know it will be worth a look!!!)
 
I am experimenting with this at the moment and finding it challenging to my own belief systems, my opinion of myself and how I view what a ‘good mother’ is and ‘should’ be. The self examination and self reflection also brings much joy for me. I think for the first time in the children’s lives they are allowed to be themselves a little bit once in a while. I feel that I am still interfering a lot, allowing spirits to interfere a lot and notice when I put damage and beliefs into them often immediately now. It is pretty amazing how transparent the process is when I want to see the affect I am having on them. 
 
And wow do they learn fast, both (as I judge) ‘positively’ and ‘negatively’! They grow when they are loved and learn tactics to avoid punishment, rejection, pain or things that will make mum angry or ‘upset’ when not loved. They actually now tell me blatantly that they feel no love from me. Or that I am ‘not listening’, angry, or that I love this one or that one more and I can see how they feel that. I see how my actions show them these things.
 
Recently I was writing to a friend that had made some lovely comments about his children and I felt sad that it is not always how I feel about having the gift of three beautiful souls in our care. I was reflecting that if I had allowed myself to be more real and spent some time truly getting to know myself I think I might have waited a while until I had children in order to be more open to loving and giving to them because I desired to love and give to them, rather than take, need, demand, expect and smother them. 
 
I have not really enjoyed being a mother/parent to be totally honest. It is not as I imagined it to be and it has been really challenging. It has not been ‘perfect’ and it has highlighted a whole lot of stuff that is not ‘nice’ in me and that does not fit the facade and opinion I had created of myself for myself and for others. 
 
I remember vividly being pregnant and how ‘wonderful’ I thought that was because I got so much attention for having a life growing in me. I was ‘loved’, a kind of ‘pregnant goddess’, I felt I had a superiority to others because ‘I was having a baby that was mine‘, a desire in me for the whole world to know I was pregnant and how ‘important’ I felt because of it. I was about to become a ‘real’ woman, a true ‘female’. 
 
I cringe remembering these feelings and I still have a grief in me about when our first little darling emerged into the world and everyone ‘smothered’ her and I felt totally ignored. I cried. I felt sorry for myself. I felt lonely and ‘used’. I had thought becoming a mother would change my life into a perfect 1950’s movie script and somehow make me more important or more of a woman or more something and it did none of those things. I was still the same but with a baby to love and care for. I was overwhelmed – how could I love a babe when I hated myself and wanted everyone to love and care for me?**** I was being abruptly confronted with myself, my real motivations, intentions, feelings, thoughts and belief systems about a whole heap of things that before I had been able to strategically avoid through various methods. I decided to continue to avoid and jump out of body, sleep and ‘get away’ as much as possible. I demanded those around me care for me and the new soul in the world.
 
In the last couple of months I feel I am beginning to enjoy having children more and more – finally. To be honest it has taken a while (years) and examining my motivations has been pretty confronting (this has only just begun and I have a long way to go and much to heal from the actions I have taken). I did not have the children to just love and give to and aid them in anyway I can to guide them to learn, grow and know God if they want to. I did have children for very selfish reasons and to fill ‘gaps’ and make me feel loved, special, wanted, important, to meet my demands and so on. 
 
I have what feels like a lot to feel through in these areas but some things have shifted and I am enjoying the children more and releasing some of the desire I have for total control in order to avoid my fear. I am still fearful, angry, and very controlling, realizing that it is about me not them and if I can own that, then it seems to have a more positive affect upon them ( I am also seeing how much my fear and willingness to honour it harms them, literally, emotionally, spiritually etc). They challenge many things in me constantly – naturally, smile – Charlie brought me a baby snake thinking it was a lizard. They ask me about death, about what happens if you get shot, about why people want to kill each other, animals or themselves. They ask where God lives, what God looks like and how God created everything along with a whole heap of other questions to which I do not know the answers. 

They show me their ‘flying’ underpants in the wind grinning; wombat testicles that look like love hearts; rainbow lizards; miracles in God’s garden that I have overlooked. They tell me about the magic and their dreams – to fly, to have every kind of animal, bird, reptile, creature you can imagine, that is alive, extinct, endangered all living in our garden;  every flower in the whole world. To have EVERYTHING and all of it, and the beauty is they believe it is possible (Which it is, but I have cynicism, anger, fear and grief – I suspect, to work through about it too), the children are unlimited in their desires. They remind me to believe and dream and giggle at things, to notice the small creatures and the feeling inside myself in the moment. They expose my fears literally. Fear is a pretty powerful emotion for creating ‘negative’ effects, more work and messy situations, of which I have experienced and still do regularly and will until I release the fear I suspect.
 
Children are reflectors and show up immediately anything that we (parents and the environment around them) are denying, avoiding, unaware of. I have found this frustrating, confronting and pretty helpful as I can see now that they are not ‘bad’ or ‘behaving badly’ or that there is anything ‘wrong’ with them. If I can just own my stuff I notice they express themselves and then head off and play. If I choose to remain in denial they seem to expand in what ever they are doing (generally what I feel to be negative – like demanding or fighting or hitting each other etc to show me my injuries and how I am out of harmony with love and truth in that moment. Sometimes it might be due to me being ‘off with the fairies’ (as mum used to say) or out of body, when I am self punishing, or avoiding how I really feel and going into guilt instead. Guilt is really fear and in my experience it brings about ‘fearfilled’ situations such as the children falling over, or being physically hurt.) and it just goes down the crapper very rapidly.
 
I feel strongly that there are ways to bring up children differently to our own experiences. I believe we are able to love them and be truthful with them as God is with us. I believe if we are willing to be self reflective, self examining, willing to FEEL, look at the emotional investments we have in our children, own our emotions rather than projecting them and feel through all the pain and hurt we have experienced or done to others (forgive and repent); and if we treat everyone including children as we would like to be treated (even if we just did this one thing and stayed present/in our bodies all the time no matter what I feel it would change a whole heap of things!), we can change the world rapidly and ensure generations of children who FEEL really loved. Children who can easily know God personally if they want to or may automatically because they will be open to feeling, will receive divine love and live the principles of God’s Love and Truth from conception. How different our world can be! How exciting it is that it is possible!*****
 

* I always find it interesting how I refer to the children in our care as OUR children, like I own them and they BELONG to me. I actually feel that they do belong to me, and I have some kind of ‘rights’ over them often. It is frequently demonstrated in how I act towards them and the decisions I make involving them. I have been corrected and intellectually know that actually we are all God’s children and every other soul on the planet is our brother and sister but how often do I REALLY TRULY feel this?
 
**Really we ought to stop arguing, get out our note pads, pay attention and learn as much as we possibly can from the entity that created us because I feel it is safe to assume that my creator would know more about me than I do at this time so why not ask and find out the ‘fast’ way.
 
*** I feel that our role as surrogate parents is to guide children by demonstrating what we know about God’s Laws, and God’s Version of Love and Truth. I feel as a general rule if we treated our children as we would like to be treated and gave them scope to discover the world and God for themselves I feel this would be really great. I don’t agree with ‘freerange’ parenting. I have tried it and it does not teach a child about love or truth, it creates in my experience an opening for a lot of mischief and spirit influence and an excuse for me as the parent to take no responsibility for anything at all. I feel that there are consequences for every action we take – loving or unloving, and God has a beautiful system that teaches us this. We can also show children how this Feedback system works through our own actions. (I think the above is true, but I am hypocritical in my actions. I think I have been told the above rather than felt it in my heart at this time.)
 
**** To be honest I feel this is one of the reasons I actually had a child was to feel loved by somebody because I didn’t feel that. I feel that this is a demand that many parents have on their children and it causes a lot of damage for the child throughout their lives. I believe we as the parents are the ones supposed to love and give to the children around us and in our care, it is up to us to give to them not demand them to give to and love us. If they desire to love us what a beautiful gift but they actually don’t have to love us or do what we say or be what we want them to be, yet I know in myself I expect many of these things, in fact I often DEMAND them. In my opinion there is something that I need to look at here and explore and work through so that the children in our care can be ‘free’ of their mother and make their own decisions based on God’s (their true parent) version of Love and Truth (if they desire).
 
***** For your interest and information, some really great information on parenting that I have found most helpful can be found at: http://www.divinetruth.com  go to > Downloads > Audios and Videos Indexed > 20090307 Human Relationships – Parenting Children S1 & 20090308 Human Relationships – Parenting Children S2, There is an outline, audio and video file. Also keep checking out the YouTube FAQ page as there is an interview on Children and Parenting coming up and should be posted soon which I have no doubt with be awesome and could be challenging.
  

Check It Out

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Continuing the subject of being/staying present Mary has a fabulous post up and is going to do a series on “Operation ‘Get Present'”. I highly recommend taking a look if you are an out of body flyer.

Pete reckons that the amount of air points (if you got them) I would have received for being out of body would have sent us round the world many times over, smile.

Mary is going to do a series on ‘Getting Present’ over the coming months. I reckon it is great to learn from someone who has actually done what she is talking about so I have attached the link for your perusal if you so desire to check it out!

http://mary.divinetruth.com/2013/05/04/operation-get-present/