Discovery Learning Morning

Posted on February 19, 2014 by Eloisa

Exploring rocks & insects, Yabby Creek Adventure, 12 March 2014

November 17th, 2014

A bit of background about these back dated posts.

A friend, Caroline, and I decided to do discovery learning mornings, or ‘Home Church’ with our kids as a way to introduce them about what we have heard or know about God and the wonders of God’s creations.

Our intention was to encourage the kids own desires, discoveries and curiosity in the natural world and engage with our kids in order to share with them about Love in the moment & Love in Action.

I learnt a lot about myself during these mornings.

I figured out over some months that I was wanting a lot from the kids rather than engaging in the moment with them. I wasn’t taking the opportunities of when the children had the desire and were asking the questions. I wanted to ‘make’ times to share about love, or the lack of love, rather than do so when an opportunity presented itself through the Law of Attraction or the kids desire.

Caro and I began a shared website about our discoveries. I have since decided not to continue with the shared blog as my personal blog is beginning to overlap. (These same posts are up on the other website still, but I posted them here also as back dated posts in order that they are accessible on this blog too.)

I don’t do ‘formal’ discovery mornings any more but we do often head out into nature with the kids and in the moments when things come up I am learning to take those Law of Attraction moments and share about what I have discovered about love, lack of love or am experimenting and learning about love with the kids.

I am seeing more that the Law of Attraction is perfect and God is giving me continuous opportunity to share love and truth, I was arrogantly wanting to make and control moments (thinking I knew better) and then abdicate as a ‘parent’ the rest of the time.

So I am now experimenting with listening more and allowing things to come about through desire, the Law of Attraction & engaging will rather than my will power and by force. I am beginning to see how allowing the kids to develop their will is really important, and me ‘forcing’ stuff upon them isn’t a great way to learn. I notice that there is much more resistance when I force than when it flows or comes from their own desire to know.

Snake Story. Discovery Learning in nature

February 2nd, 2014

( Back Dated Post)

We had our first Discovery Learning morning today. I felt so excited about it and wanted to ‘formally’ share all the cool things that I have heard about God with the kids.

I felt starting with God was a pretty cool place to start as from there everything is discoverable, possible and every question answerable. I felt that if I was a kid that is what I would have liked to know about.

As I was loosely planning the morning a few more things came to mind that I felt were pretty important:

God
Love
Experiments/experimenting – your own personal experience of everything to find out anything you desire to find out about for yourself.

Some Guiding Questions:

Is there a God?
What is God?
Who is God?
What is God like?
How do you know?
What is Love?
Are there different kinds?
What does it feel like?
Can you see it or just feel it?
What is God’s version of Love?
What is people’s version of love?
How can you tell if it is real or addictive?
What is your personal experience of love?
Qualities of love

I figured that it was important to give a framework about how the universe works. We inhabit a planet in the universe so lets get to know more about it.

Who created it and how was it created?
How it works?
Are there rules or laws?
If so what are they?
If so who made them?
How do they work?
Etc.

I feel that the most important thing I have ever heard is the following:

Seek God’s Love First and All Else Will Be Added To You

So I figured I could share this with the kids and see what they thought about that.

It was great.

I asked them who had made the universe and they said, ‘God’. I asked how they knew that and if it was because I had told them that or that they were certain about it for themselves?

This brought me to explaining how important it is for them to discover all the secrets of the universe and everything for themselves. That it is really important for them to feel for themselves and that the only way they are going to truly know something is by feeling and discovering for themselves.

There is an answer to every question anyone wants to know and the fastest way to get answers is by growing a relationship with God as God can answer any and every question that you have – God created the universe and the potential for everything ever imagined and more.

We spoke about how God communicates with feelings not thoughts and how important it is to be a 100% feeling emotional being in harmony with God’s Love to have a full happy fun filled life.

The kids had a heap of questions about God (just a few below):

Where does God Live?
How come God is outside the universe?
How did God make the universe and everything in it?
How did God make lizards? What is inside the earth?
What is the earth made of?
And HEAPS more…

I was pretty excited and said I couldn’t answer pretty much any of their questions but Guess What? I knew a way that every question could be answered and that was to grow a relationship with God and I also had heard of a way that you could receive God’s Love and the more of God’s Love that you received in your soul the more you knowledge you would have because this was a cool thing that happened as you become more loving is that you know more.

The kids kind of zoned out as I rattled this off and I took a moment to reflect about myself.

I am not receiving God’s Love at this time, in fact for me God’s Love is still something that I have yet to experience and so no wonder there was a bit of a zone out on the part of the kids because they could feel that it was all intellectual for me at this time.

I felt a bit down within myself about this as I realised I wanted to impart knowledge that is predominantly intellectual for me at the moment. I have error and issues to work through in relation to both God and Love and the kids can feel this. It was a beautiful moment of self realisation that what I want to ‘teach’ or share has much more power if I have felt it or have a feeling or personal emotional experience about it.

I noted this and went on to Love (Divine Love & Natural love) briefly (as I had realised that I have fears, error and false beliefs about love to look at, but in the mean time I could still impart the concept and the kids can experiment with it and discover for themselves about it if they want to while I work through my issues with it).

We spoke about how God’s Love Rules and how the universe is completely based on God’s Love. It runs on love. Love is the foundation and how the universe works based on God’s Laws – Laws of Love.

We spoke about what love feels like and the concept of God’s Love and people’s love and how often people love is actually addictive not really even loving from God’s viewpoint. We used personal experiences from the kids lives and I asked them how those felt. They didn’t feel like answering very fully.

They ran off to play after half an hour.

Self Reflection:

The biggest realisation was that when I have an issue with something or only an intellectual understanding not a heartfelt knowing then those around me are going to feel my true feelings not the words I tell them.

In my experience when stuff is going on with children, especially younger children it is actually about me/us, the parent/s and something for the parent to feel about, look at and move through. To be honest often you don’t even need to speak with a child in the moment if you actually own your own emotion or better still, feel it then and there in the moment the child’s behaviour completely and instantly changes (if you felt the real feeling). There is no need for ‘behaviour management’ if I am truly humble to my own feelings, thoughts and actions and they are in harmony with love. Even owning my own feelings actually makes a huge difference.

Once I have done that and felt whatever feelings I have then I have the clarity to speak with the child/ren about the behaviour if it was unloving and suggest and pose different ideas, concepts or things for them to explore in a loving way rather than from an angry controlling desire for them to do as I tell them and be what I want them to be. (This is a new exploration for me and one that I find works most successfully coming from a feeling place of Love rather than demand, expectation, manipulation or control, or merely intellectually engaging. Intellect is not helpful when you are saying the opposite words to your feelings. Kids feel your soul feelings. They listen and respond to that, not your words). It is highlighting how much I want from the kids and how ‘good’ I want them to be according to me rather than discovering their true nature and desiring to love in a real way because they desire too rather than for mothers approval.

I noticed that when the children ‘switched off’, ‘zoned out’ or became disinterested it was directly related to an emotion in me or when I was only intellectually spouting words without heartfelt knowledge about the subject. I found this really interesting to observe and find out about myself.

I feel that discovery learning days are so much about me learning and working out where I am out of harmony with God’s Love and God’s Truth through observing the Law of Attraction and being shown through the children (reflectors). The children reflect my unhealed emotions perfectly and so it is an opportunity to see myself as I truly am and an opportunity to learn about love, heal the error inside me and become more loving to both myself and the children in this process. I find that daunting when I am in the middle of it and resistive to what is being reflected by three children all at one time, and exciting and inspiring also when I am more humble and desire to love more sincerely.

I have false beliefs about God, Love, experimenting and self discovery. These things and some fears I have were exposed within me during this half hour and I realised that if I am going to present concepts to the kids that they are most powerful when I have emotionally engaged them myself, have a strong positive feeling within me about them or am excited or desire to explore and experiment with them myself. (Mary suggested an exercise of finding out all the things I believe about a subject – false beliefs – and contrasting them with God’s Truth on the matter, then feel the difference. It is a really helpful starting point for exploring and feeling the beliefs that stand in the way of growing closer to God – Thanks to Mary & Jesus for paying this forward!* More information can be found on the Australia Assistance Group talks on the Divine Truth YouTube Channel)

It was also reflected that I am the one with the blocks and the issues here.

The kids are reflecting me.

It is not the kids problem that they are not absorbing things or they get distracted. I could clearly feel the holes I have in myself and some of the feelings, disbeliefs, beliefs, false beliefs and pain I have about love and God and so of course being feeling beings children are going to pick up on these feelings more strongly rather than my intellectual instruction. This was a great lesson for me to see that more often than not it is my imposition and belief systems thrust upon the children that create blocks to understanding or even wanting to fully explore and discover something for them selves rather than something wrong or off with them. This also translates into their ‘behavior’ I find that they ‘play up’ get ‘boisterous’ demanding, interrupt me when I am denying my emotions, in fact their behavior if I allow myself to feel reveals the exact feeling that I was in denial about moments before or it leads me into something much deeper that I wasn’t aware about before. It is more about myself than it is about the kids if I am willing to actually explore emotionally & feel what is the cause of the attractions in the moment.

God is Good! (smile).

* * * * * * * *

*‘Keep in mind that no exercises or strategies takes the place of true emotional healing which is vital to our progress, however many of these things keep me away from negative influence and soften me to my fearful feelings.’ Mary Magdalene. For more awesome information and helpful, heartfelt stories visit Mary’s blog ‘Notes Along the Way’, mary.divinetruth.com or the Divine Truth Website www.divinetruth.com

The Great Experiment or the ‘God Game’*

Posted on November 17, 2013 by Eloisa

I want to tell you about the greatest, most beautiful, life changing experiment that I am giving a go.

It is called The Great Experiment. And it is truly GREAT!!! This experiment will rock your world if you engage it with sincerity.

I first heard about this experiment from Jesus. You can try it all by yourself where ever you are in the entire world or spirit world!

This is what you do:

You ask God for some love – as a feeling, with your soul or what you might call a ‘heart felt desire’ or a longing/prayer, like when you really, really want something and you feel it.

Even if you don’t believe in God you can still try the experiment.

The experiment requires you to be truthful with yourself and with God.

So you might not believe in God, or you might think or believe all manner of things about God, this is okay you can still ask God for love and this process will work through the issues that we have with God. Now when you ask you need to be sincere and it needs to be a feeling, so asking from your soul or your heart if you like. Mere intellectual thought and head asking is not going to work very well. But you can try this too to find out for yourself.

Over the last few months I have begun to actually ask God for love (over and over again**), it began as recorded below:

‘Hi God, okay so I don’t think I am that lovable and I don’t know if I actually believe you are going to give me any love but if you do have Love to give me, like I have heard you have, could I have some? Please? (I thought being polite would help, smile, it also highlighted some injuries & fears I have)

I waited.

Nothing.

I said it again.

Nothing.

I got up huffily and went and got busy for a while and then it dawned on me, ‘Ahhh I don’t receive love very well from most people or I am pretty demanding and expectant about it, I have issues with love so I probably need to take a look at my beliefs and feelings about love if I am going to actually be able to receive Love from God’.

After discovering I have issues & blocks to Love I discovered*** that I also have issues with God and so I needed to firstly find out what I really believed and felt about God. As I am longing for God’s Love, both God and Love are worth investigating about how I feel about them so I asked myself some questions.

Self Reflection Questions I wrote down:

What are my beliefs about love?
Do I want to love?
Do I want to be loved?
How does God love?
What is love?
What is God’s love like? (obviously I don’t know personally, so what have I heard about it so far from reliable sources – like Jesus, Mary, friends I know who have experienced God’s Love and people in General who seem to have a love for God and who feel God is loving – I used these as a starting point, I am going to need to feel this out for myself but I needed some positive things to begin with)
What do I see as Love and is it really love?
What do my parents see as love?
What do my friends -past & present – see as love?
What does society and the world at large in general feel about love?

What are my beliefs about God?
What do I really feel God is like?
What have I been told God is like from parents, friends, school, religion, society in general and the world at large?
What is my actual real view of God as I am now, not things I have heard but what do I really feel about God and Love right at this time?
There are heaps more questions that have come up and some I have investigated and some I still need to feel about. Often I revisit the questions as often when I intellectually answer them they are quite different to when I emotionally answer them.

I Borrowed Questions (Mary’s reflection Questions):

“What beliefs do I have about God that stop me asking for the Love?”
“What beliefs do I have about myself that stop me asking for the Love?”
“What stops me longing for the Love all the time?”

Then I tried the experiment again, and again and again and each time I have discovered something about myself through the process.

This began as an intellectual exercise. It is growing into a feeling exercise. A first hand experience of my own, and I reckon that is what it is about, experiencing it for yourself. Not taking anyones word for it but giving it a go for yourself because you want to.

I hit points where I get frustrated as I am not getting any Love – due to blocking it out, and I feel like I am useless and wasting my time and that maybe it is all a charade. I have had self pitying tantrum cries about that and reflected back and this is what I noticed:

Since longing for God’s Love I have noticed more things about myself in the shortest amount of time in comparison to the rest of my life and have also begun getting memories, first intellectually and then with feelings and emotions attached to them a few days after the initial remembering.
Since longing for God’s Love I am seeing that a lot of the issues I thought were God’s problems or others problems are actually about myself and feelings within myself creating them.

Reflecting on this I began to feel excited because longing for God’s Love is exposing all the things that are standing in the way of me being close to God (& ironically to others also). I feel like I have a whole heap of blocks to God and each time I ask for God’s Love I find out something more about myself and the blocks/false beliefs/fears/addictions etc I am holding onto and valuing more than an open heart ready to receive Love.

So I am figuring that longing for God’s love is the fast track and I don’t have to try, it has relieved some of the pressure I place on myself. something comes up every time I sincerely long for the Love and it feels like no effort on my part to find it out or know it, it is just immediately there, instantly. If it doesn’t happen that way now I ask myself if I was actually wanting to know or just intellectually thinking I did.

I am finding now that often I will ask for God’s love and a memory will come and I will have tears, this is also exciting for me as I am re-learning how to feel and re connect to myself having been disassociated for such a long period of time and having been terrified to feel any of my own emotions. I still am afraid of my emotions but I am beginning to check these fears out as well and get specific with my fears rather than just have a general fear cloud that I keep my head stuck in.

I am arrogant and resistant to God and God’s process. I want, and weirdly believe, that I am some how safer and able to protect myself. I realise, intellectually, this is not true and is proved not true so many times each day to me. I have been opening up to more feelings of being sexually abused and I have realised that I am not going to be able to work through those feelings fully without God and His Love, I need God and I find that scary as I don’t want to need anyone. I also have been really demanding of God’s Love and had to realise this about myself as well as wanting God to do the process for me instead of me taking responsibility and wanting to feel through the issues inside of myself with God just along side of me.

Longing for God’s love is one seriously cool adventure and though I can’t say I am always enthusiastic about seeing my true self because I still judge her, I am excited in reflecting back at how EVERY time I have longed for God’s love I have learnt something new, realised something, or opened up to something either immediately or very shortly afterwards (the next day or so). The changes so far in my experiment seem small but they are real, they are mine, and I have even caught myself getting excited about God and wanting to tell people about the Great Experiment, smile.

I haven’t been overwhelmed by God’s Love – yet, but I don’t feel this is because God isn’t wanting to Love me now, I feel this is due to my will and that is keeping God’s Love from me.

I wrote this to encourage you to give this experiment a go. To dive in and try the experiment and keep trying it, self reflecting as you go.

The whole point of the ‘Divine Love Path’ or ‘The Way’ is our relationship with God & opening our soul to receive God’s Love. I feel that I have missed that point and wanted it to be about all sorts of other things. But God & God’s Love is key in this process and experimenting with longing for God’s Love is spectacular. It is exposing, it is immediate – when I want it, and it is real. It is taking an action and growing my desire and will.

It is the only thing that has actually worked and the experiment is so simple and so easy. I have some fears and terrors that I perceive as large and I am realising that if I don’t have a relationship with God I am unlikely to actually feel through those terrors, in fact I know I wont as I haven’t done so yet. So I am experimenting with growing my relationship with God and I will see if that makes a difference with my desire to actually go through the emotions I feel most afraid to feel.

Have fun and enjoy the beautiful process God created for us to become at one with Him!

*******

More interesting Information on the Great Experiment:

Personal Footnotes:

* We were speaking with a group of kids in the spirit world and they called it the ‘God Game’ after they had tried it and they wanted to know why everyone didn’t know about this and why everyone wasn’t playing the ‘God Game’

** I didn’t actually try it for ages because I didn’t think I was good enough or loving enough. I thought if I wasn’t perfect and really great then how could I possibly be given any love, I don’t feel loved by my parents so how could God love me if they don’t? I believed that out of all God’s children I am the one unlovable one, so I just didn’t ask for love instead I tried really hard to be better and more loving. It hasn’t worked which indicates to me I must have something off inside of me, and so I need to investigate that.

*** I had been told this previous but what I found is that when I actually took the time myself and sat down and longed for the Love it was through my own first hand experience that I knew I had blocks to God and Love and I couldn’t pass them off as easily as some moments before.

The Great Experiment:

Interestingly enough I came across a really great transcript and talk Jesus and Mary gave in 2011 while writing this post called:

20110507 Relationship with God: Getting to Know God (given in Melbourne, Australia)
I cannot recommend it enough!! If link doesn’t work it can be found on the Divine Truth Website: http://www.divinetruth.com> downloads>ebooks>Relationship with God: Getting to Know God>PDF>

Also another called: Why we Resist God and there are a whole heap more I am now reading through.

From Mary’s blog:

In the Padgett messages we hear from spirits who show perseverance in their prayer life.

For example, Riddle shares:

And, when I learned that prayer was the only way to this Love, and saw you praying for me with all your heart and in great earnestness, I commenced to pray also; but I must confess that my prayers were not accompanied with much faith. But I continued to pray, and every night when you prayed for me and for the many others who were with you praying, I tried to exercise all the faith possible and prayed for more faith.

This continued for some time, and one day your grandmother……. She assured me that if I would only try to believe, and pray to God to help me believe, He would answer my prayers; and I would soon find that with my earnest efforts, faith would come to me, and with faith would come this Love into my heart, and with this Love would come happiness and joy.

So I listened to her, and tried to believe that what she told me must be true, and that she was interested in me and desired only my happiness. I continued to pray, …..

At last, light came to me, and with it, such an inflowing of Love as I never dreamed could exist, either in the earth or in the spirit world. But it came to me and I felt as if I were a new spirit, and such happiness came as I never experienced before.

The Great Experiment clearly requires patience and perseverance as we develop real faith.

‘sMothers’

Posted on May 13, 2013 by Eloisa

Thoughts of mine on Mothers or ‘sMothers’:

I have been thinking about ‘mothers’ and what a mother is. What did God intend the role of a mother/parent to be? I have been thinking about the ideal that I have about a mother and the reality of my own experiences – of my own (surrogate) mother/s and being a ‘mother’ myself and how different they have been to what I thought and anticipated. I have also been noticing in myself how reluctant I have been to share my feelings and thoughts honestly about mothers, mothering and how I feel.

I see how far removed I am, and I feel general society is from what I have heard about God’s intentions and design of mothers and the family structure. (I would like to know more in my heart about what parenting as God intended is like, and how God truly designed it to be in a state of Divine Love and Divine Truth. I feel the first step would be to actually get to know my True Parent and Creator God personally).

I feel that as a generalisation there are ‘Smothers’, ‘neglecters’ or a combo of both. (I am sure that other people have written screeds of intellectual information on all of these things. I merely have a few thoughts and feelings of my own about it from my own experience. Many of these have been angry, disappointed, disillusioned, deeply sad – which are still there to work through, and more).

I feel that many women (including myself) who think they are ‘mothers’ should really be called ‘smothers’ because they don’t really allow the little soul’s in their care to be themselves, grow as God intended them too or allow the child’s own free will. It is sort of like ‘mothers will’ and then you will get approval or what often is thought of as ‘love’.

‘Mothers’ I feel have quite a bit to examine if they were open to it and then see how that actually affects the children. (Probably fathers do also. I talk of mothers as I speak of myself in this post, my own experiences and my experience of ‘mothers’ but maybe where one reads ‘mother/s’ you could substitute ‘parent/s’ ‘caretakers’ – because often they are taking not giving).

In my own experience I have at times felt overpowered and smothered by my mother’s anger, fear, expectations, demands, investments, needs, neediness and being made liable for many of her emotions. I have also seen the immediate results of myself doing this with the children in our care – almost identically (though I wish I could say I was different, I am not). I have experienced feeling neglected. Feeling like I had no-one I could share painful experiences with, no one to listen to me, no one to protect me or care for me, that what I said, did, or was, was of no importance or significance to anyone, that I was embarrassing and shaming. This may not be how others saw it but this is what it felt like for me as a child. I have also had this reflected to me by ‘our’* children.

I have been reflecting on this feeling of being a ‘good mother’ and how I use it to hide just how bad I feel about myself and what a ‘bad mother’ I actually feel I am. I demand emotionally from people, and especially from the children in our care, and set up a facade of being a ‘good mother’ to hide how I truly feel about myself. I am highly invested in ‘our’ children and examining this brings to light all sorts of interesting discoveries for me about myself (many of which I do not like, judge, and really don’t want to be part of me. As an observer I think they are be most interesting as they basically highlight why I behave as I do).

This is an addiction and a damaging place to live (‘I’m a good mother’ place, it is also demanding and angry) I am just wanting everyone to tell me how good I am to avoid the real feelings that come up of feeling so terrible and like such a ‘bad’ mother/bad person. I project out to the world ‘think I am a great mum’ in order to get approval, feel like I have a ‘job’ a ‘worth and get attention for something that really I did not create and that I actually have no idea how it was created. I mean if you think about it, I had sex and that was it. I didn’t actually ‘do’ anything else to make a child. God created it to happen so beautifully, seamlessly and effortlessly, it is truly a miracle.

God took care of the whole thing and no person (I know of) actually fully understands and knows how a baby is created and why the body does what it does and how it does it. We know a few things but really have no idea. We can’t replicate it and yet we feel we are super intelligent. I don’t doubt when we are as God made us that we are super intelligent (though often we don’t act like we are in our current conditions) but I do feel we have a lot of arrogance to claim we know more than our creator about things. God knows best. God always has known best and always will know best, that’s just the way it is**, God made us, it’s logical she would.

From what I understand (intellectually) God is our real parent and as a parent on the earth plane I am but a ‘surrogate’, my role really being only to disclose what I have learnt about God’s version of Love and Truth and God, and convey what I have learnt on ‘How to connect to God…’ to the little souls in our care and then they will have the tools to discover the rest***. (I think there is a really great FAQ question session on Parenting coming up on the Divine Truth YouTube FAQ channel if you are interested I know it will be worth a look!!!)

I am experimenting with this at the moment and finding it challenging to my own belief systems, my opinion of myself and how I view what a ‘good mother’ is and ‘should’ be. The self examination and self reflection also brings much joy for me. I think for the first time in the children’s lives they are allowed to be themselves a little bit once in a while. I feel that I am still interfering a lot, allowing spirits to interfere a lot and notice when I put damage and beliefs into them often immediately now. It is pretty amazing how transparent the process is when I want to see the affect I am having on them.

And wow do they learn fast, both (as I judge) ‘positively’ and ‘negatively’! They grow when they are loved and learn tactics to avoid punishment, rejection, pain or things that will make mum angry or ‘upset’ when not loved. They actually now tell me blatantly that they feel no love from me. Or that I am ‘not listening’, angry, or that I love this one or that one more and I can see how they feel that. I see how my actions show them these things.

Recently I was writing to a friend that had made some lovely comments about his children and I felt sad that it is not always how I feel about having the gift of three beautiful souls in our care. I was reflecting that if I had allowed myself to be more real and spent some time truly getting to know myself I think I might have waited a while until I had children in order to be more open to loving and giving to them because I desired to love and give to them, rather than take, need, demand, expect and smother them.

I have not really enjoyed being a mother/parent to be totally honest. It is not as I imagined it to be and it has been really challenging. It has not been ‘perfect’ and it has highlighted a whole lot of stuff that is not ‘nice’ in me and that does not fit the facade and opinion I had created of myself for myself and for others.

I remember vividly being pregnant and how ‘wonderful’ I thought that was because I got so much attention for having a life growing in me. I was ‘loved’, a kind of ‘pregnant goddess’, I felt I had a superiority to others because ‘I was having a baby that was mine‘, a desire in me for the whole world to know I was pregnant and how ‘important’ I felt because of it. I was about to become a ‘real’ woman, a true ‘female’.

I cringe remembering these feelings and I still have a grief in me about when our first little darling emerged into the world and everyone ‘smothered’ her and I felt totally ignored. I cried. I felt sorry for myself. I felt lonely and ‘used’. I had thought becoming a mother would change my life into a perfect 1950’s movie script and somehow make me more important or more of a woman or more something and it did none of those things. I was still the same but with a baby to love and care for. I was overwhelmed – how could I love a babe when I hated myself and wanted everyone to love and care for me?**** I was being abruptly confronted with myself, my real motivations, intentions, feelings, thoughts and belief systems about a whole heap of things that before I had been able to strategically avoid through various methods. I decided to continue to avoid and jump out of body, sleep and ‘get away’ as much as possible. I demanded those around me care for me and the new soul in the world.

In the last couple of months I feel I am beginning to enjoy having children more and more – finally. To be honest it has taken a while (years) and examining my motivations has been pretty confronting (this has only just begun and I have a long way to go and much to heal from the actions I have taken). I did not have the children to just love and give to and aid them in anyway I can to guide them to learn, grow and know God if they want to. I did have children for very selfish reasons and to fill ‘gaps’ and make me feel loved, special, wanted, important, to meet my demands and so on.

I have what feels like a lot to feel through in these areas but some things have shifted and I am enjoying the children more and releasing some of the desire I have for total control in order to avoid my fear. I am still fearful, angry, and very controlling, realizing that it is about me not them and if I can own that, then it seems to have a more positive affect upon them ( I am also seeing how much my fear and willingness to honour it harms them, literally, emotionally, spiritually etc). They challenge many things in me constantly – naturally, smile – Charlie brought me a baby snake thinking it was a lizard. They ask me about death, about what happens if you get shot, about why people want to kill each other, animals or themselves. They ask where God lives, what God looks like and how God created everything along with a whole heap of other questions to which I do not know the answers.

They show me their ‘flying’ underpants in the wind grinning; wombat testicles that look like love hearts; rainbow lizards; miracles in God’s garden that I have overlooked. They tell me about the magic and their dreams – to fly, to have every kind of animal, bird, reptile, creature you can imagine, that is alive, extinct, endangered all living in our garden; every flower in the whole world. To have EVERYTHING and all of it, and the beauty is they believe it is possible (Which it is, but I have cynicism, anger, fear and grief – I suspect, to work through about it too), the children are unlimited in their desires. They remind me to believe and dream and giggle at things, to notice the small creatures and the feeling inside myself in the moment. They expose my fears literally. Fear is a pretty powerful emotion for creating ‘negative’ effects, more work and messy situations, of which I have experienced and still do regularly and will until I release the fear I suspect.

Children are reflectors and show up immediately anything that we (parents and the environment around them) are denying, avoiding, unaware of. I have found this frustrating, confronting and pretty helpful as I can see now that they are not ‘bad’ or ‘behaving badly’ or that there is anything ‘wrong’ with them. If I can just own my stuff I notice they express themselves and then head off and play. If I choose to remain in denial they seem to expand in what ever they are doing (generally what I feel to be negative – like demanding or fighting or hitting each other etc to show me my injuries and how I am out of harmony with love and truth in that moment. Sometimes it might be due to me being ‘off with the fairies’ (as mum used to say) or out of body, when I am self punishing, or avoiding how I really feel and going into guilt instead. Guilt is really fear and in my experience it brings about ‘fearfilled’ situations such as the children falling over, or being physically hurt.) and it just goes down the crapper very rapidly.

I feel strongly that there are ways to bring up children differently to our own experiences. I believe we are able to love them and be truthful with them as God is with us. I believe if we are willing to be self reflective, self examining, willing to FEEL, look at the emotional investments we have in our children, own our emotions rather than projecting them and feel through all the pain and hurt we have experienced or done to others (forgive and repent); and if we treat everyone including children as we would like to be treated (even if we just did this one thing and stayed present/in our bodies all the time no matter what I feel it would change a whole heap of things!), we can change the world rapidly and ensure generations of children who FEEL really loved. Children who can easily know God personally if they want to or may automatically because they will be open to feeling, will receive divine love and live the principles of God’s Love and Truth from conception. How different our world can be! How exciting it is that it is possible!*****

* I always find it interesting how I refer to the children in our care as OUR children, like I own them and they BELONG to me. I actually feel that they do belong to me, and I have some kind of ‘rights’ over them often. It is frequently demonstrated in how I act towards them and the decisions I make involving them. I have been corrected and intellectually know that actually we are all God’s children and every other soul on the planet is our brother and sister but how often do I REALLY TRULY feel this?

**Really we ought to stop arguing, get out our note pads, pay attention and learn as much as we possibly can from the entity that created us because I feel it is safe to assume that my creator would know more about me than I do at this time so why not ask and find out the ‘fast’ way.

*** I feel that our role as surrogate parents is to guide children by demonstrating what we know about God’s Laws, and God’s Version of Love and Truth. I feel as a general rule if we treated our children as we would like to be treated and gave them scope to discover the world and God for themselves I feel this would be really great. I don’t agree with ‘freerange’ parenting. I have tried it and it does not teach a child about love or truth, it creates in my experience an opening for a lot of mischief and spirit influence and an excuse for me as the parent to take no responsibility for anything at all. I feel that there are consequences for every action we take – loving or unloving, and God has a beautiful system that teaches us this. We can also show children how this Feedback system works through our own actions. (I think the above is true, but I am hypocritical in my actions. I think I have been told the above rather than felt it in my heart at this time.)

**** To be honest I feel this is one of the reasons I actually had a child was to feel loved by somebody because I didn’t feel that. I feel that this is a demand that many parents have on their children and it causes a lot of damage for the child throughout their lives. I believe we as the parents are the ones supposed to love and give to the children around us and in our care, it is up to us to give to them not demand them to give to and love us. If they desire to love us what a beautiful gift but they actually don’t have to love us or do what we say or be what we want them to be, yet I know in myself I expect many of these things, in fact I often DEMAND them. In my opinion there is something that I need to look at here and explore and work through so that the children in our care can be ‘free’ of their mother and make their own decisions based on God’s (their true parent) version of Love and Truth (if they desire).

***** For your interest and information, some really great information on parenting that I have found most helpful can be found at: http://www.divinetruth.com go to > Downloads > Audios and Videos Indexed > 20090307 Human Relationships – Parenting Children S1 & 20090308 Human Relationships – Parenting Children S2, There is an outline, audio and video file. Also keep checking out the YouTube FAQ page as there is an interview on Children and Parenting coming up and should be posted soon which I have no doubt with be awesome and could be challenging.

The Radical Benefits of Staying Present

Posted on April 14, 2013 by Eloisa

N.B. I woke up in the middle of the night with a couple of extra things I thought were helpful or have noticed and have added them in this morning (Monday 15 April) – like reminding myself of God’s Truth (even intellectually helps).

I have experienced for more than just a moment recently the benefits of staying ‘present’ or being in my body. This is a whole new experience and it is awesome, so (if you have a tendency to go out of body) I really want to encourage you to practice, pray and desire to stay present/in your body no matter what comes your way. Also to pray for and/or grow the desire for courage*. To practice courage to become courageous – this is my personal prayer at this time (especially when the fear come up which is still when I want to and do vacate).

The following are some of the things that happen when I am present, in my experience so far:

I want to know more about God and I actively go about finding that out for myself rather than wanting someone else to do it all for me
I actively go about a lot more things than when I am out of my body
I remind myself of God’s Truth about the situation (even intellectually helps, or with what I know in my heart at this time), and see how it differs to my feelings and thoughts and what’s happening in my life that is in error or painful
I enjoy meeting people and getting to know them
I enjoy the little souls in our care, they are SOOOOO fun
I enjoy my man
I like myself more
I can identify places that need healing and refining within myself without as much judgement
I can distinguish my desire for self punishment more easily and not engage in it
God’s universe is SOOOO amazing and I see things that I have never seen before
I am excited about possibilities and even feel that feeling my own pain could be possible (The Truth: God has made me perfectly to feel all my personal pain and I am totally capable of doing so.)
I am more able to relate to people without judgement and criticism as I am not trying so hard to avoid all the darkness within myself
I make/take time to reflect
I am more likely to take a little more time and space than I usually do if a feeling does come up (I still like to avoid feeling and be ‘busy’ instead – but when I am present I notice in the moment and go ‘okay, why do you want to be so busy about this Eloisa?’)
Life is so much better
I am not so worried about what the whole world thinks of me ALL the time and am less conscious of myself for moments
I am just not so worried period.
I genuinely laughed the other day and think I experienced a moment of joy

When I am present I am more able to feel when I am afraid and when I am wanting to live IN the fear.

When I am present the whole world looks different.

It is so much better and all I have done is choose (not sure how to explain that as I have realised that my heart and head desires don’t match up often and so when people talk about choosing, I often ‘think’ I have chosen one thing but it is proven that emotionally I have not done so. I will tell you more about this as I learn and understand it as at this time I can only say I have noticed that my head and heart do not match up).

The things I have done differently which I feel have helped me to stay Present:

Prayed more
Reminded myself of God’s Truth or how God feels on the matter (this is mostly intellectual for me at the moment but it really helps to remind myself)
Asked God, amongst other things, to show me what is blocking me giving love to God and receiving love from God
Asked God to help me grow sincere desires (for the things I want to know about or am avoiding)
I remind myself I am a Celestial in training and that I am in a process of refinement
Asked more sincerely to know about who I really am
Been more honest with myself
what I see in others I am seeing in myself, instead of judging it look at WHY I want to be that way or take unloving actions
Have drunk heaps more water**
Actually breathed. breathed into my tummy(diaphragmatic breathing)
made time and space to self reflect on issues that are coming through the Law of Attraction
Listened or Read Divine Truth even just a snippet on the loo each day
Read more information on subjects including: faith, love, truth, courage, connecting to God, wholeheartedness, the Padgett messages and stories of people with these qualities or at least exploring these qualities
Asked for guidance as to what Divine Truth’s I would benefit from hearing or focused on listening to Jesus’ Seminars on topics I am feeling challenged by or that are coming up in the Law of Attraction
journaled and honestly answered the following questions (not my own)***:

1.What events are currently happening in my life that demonstrate I am out of harmony with God’s Love and how have I attracted these events to my life?

2.What emotions within me are triggered by these events and are those emotions in harmony

with Truth and Love?

3.Do I feel any emotional or physical pain? If so, what reasons within my beliefs,emotions, desires or passions could there be for my experiencing this pain?

4.How do I portray myself to others, am I being emotionally truthful and open?

5.Am I still doing things that God or a Celestial angel would not do?

6.How do I really feel inside, and what tools am I using to deny my feelings?

7.Have all my actions been moral and ethical? If not, what is the emotional cause for my being immoral or unethical?

I realise that you may already have heard this information and if so this will merely be a reminder (which I always find helpful and hope you do too, smile).

I just thought that as it has made such a difference just to stay in my body I would like to share things that I feel have helped me out a little.

I would also like to note that I do not stay in my body all the time yet and I am noticing that I still disappear when I feel frightened, or feel that I could be potentially be afraid, when topics I want to avoid, am in denial about or feel uncomfortable about are discussed like sex or family, and under other circumstances.

Things that happen when I choose to not be present and out of body and or living in fear:

Chunks of my hair get chopped off and I don’t even notice
The children have heaps more accidents
I hurt myself more
I self punish
I punish others
I can’t remember conversations, events, experiences
I feel disconnected and alone
The house is a mess in two minutes
The kids get more demanding and needy
The kids start literally hanging off me, pulling me, whinging at me non stop
I get really angry about ‘nothing’
I can no longer think, or feel
it gets dangerous for both me and the kids – physical harm, spirit influence, harmful actions from me towards the children
I loose the children in the supermarket and they scream to find me
I can’t feel the beautiful man in my life
I get self absorbed and selfish
I no longer want to talk to Pete about anything
I want to be angry at Pete
The kids hurt and attack each other or me more
Animals attack us and chase us
The kids fall over out of the blue like someone has just knocked them down
Sometimes I go numb and if it is really bad I want to curl up avoid the world and go back to the ‘soulbank’
And many many many more things could be added to this list

I suppose you could say that going out of body for me is intricately linked with my desire to avoid my fear and terror.

I feel that staying in my body is so worth while. I feel that often I ‘practice’ doing so and reminding myself to do so but even that helps!

I encourage you to experiment and try it for yourself, or to grow a desire to do so! It is SO worth it!!

* Brene Brown on ‘Ordinary Courage’
** Mary has a great post on staying connected to your Guides and Guardians and the things she mentions also help to stay present in your body

*** These questions come from Jesus’ paper ‘Facing Personal Truth’

Thoughts on Children

Posted on December 15, 2012 by Eloisa

I have been thinking about children a lot lately and the role of being a ‘parent’. From what I understand God is our real parent and I am but a ‘surrogate’, my role really being only to disclose what I have learnt about Love and Truth and God, or maybe it is even less than that. Maybe if I just convey to the little souls ‘How to…,’ ‘How to connect to God…’ then they will discover the rest. This is obviously quite difficult if I have not learnt to do this myself and if it is not in my heart and I am merely holding it in my head. Also there is a problem if I do not feel this myself (which to be honest personally I do not – yet).

Often I feel that I am the ‘god’ in our house and that children should do what I say, when I say, how I say, immediately and without questioning me. This is pretty unreasonable behaviour when I reflect upon it and something I feel I would rebel about or seriously question if it was happening to me, so why do I expect it from the little ones in my care? Why are they any different to me? Why do boss them round, yell at them and often treat children ‘less than’? A good question.

I feel there are a lot of illogical, untrue beliefs around children, both now and historically children have been abused, violently treated, and very badly harmed*. To be honest I feel children often still are being treated in this way. Some of the behaviours I have observed in myself and other parents would not be accepted if they were done to adults or if a ‘stranger‘ did them, but due to the fact that the ‘parent‘ did it is deemed okay.

I feel that there is a problem with this.

I also feel that the only way it is going to be any different is if we begin to take personal responsibility for our actions, be VERY truthful with ourselves about how we actually feel, what we believe and what we think we are allowed to do with a ‘parent’ title. I also feel that it is going to be absolutely essential to choose Love, and by love I mean love God’s way.

I feel we need to choose to love and to give (God’s way) and to allow the pain that is within us to be expressed without projecting it on others, including our children. We also need to stop making others liable for our own unhealed emotions and to actually own them ourselves, trace them to their source /cause and take personal responsibility for what we have chosen to do in response to what was done to us and what happened to us. We need to choose Love and Peace over violence (choose love over fear and anger, and choose to stand up to violent persons lovingly). Though I do not practice this wholeheartedly -yet- I believe it is possible and I believe that it has the possibility to change the entire world.

We are the only ones that can allow our own personal pain out and we are the only ones that can be sorry and repent the harm and pain that we have put into and caused others.

Really unless we are willing to forgive those that have hurt us and to truly be sorry towards those we have hurt, the cycles are going to continue. I do not claim to be an expert at this or even to have engaged this process fully yet.

I am experiencing first hand how the cycle continues though, and no matter how hard I ‘try’ to be different or just act differently to what I experienced and what happened to me as a child, I notice I am re-creating it due to the fact that ‘trying’ doesn’t make a difference. The feelings, beliefs, emotions that are in me dictate the outcome positive and negative. The cause creates the effect and if I do not release the cause the effects are going to be the same. And I am noticing this is true in my life at this time!

I feel when I was growing up there was a certain exceptions and a ‘code of behaviour’ that I was expected to conform to. This was set up by my surrogate parents who felt they ‘knew best’. If I did not follow the ‘rules’ there were various ‘negative’ feeling consequences, often punishments. I am also guilty of setting up a similar paradigm with the children in our care of which I am not proud and am endeavoring to change. Though I can see a pattern which seems intergenerational to me, I do not feel it is ‘right’. In fact I can see how flawed and unkind it is, I personally feel how damaging it was. I feel it can be different and it can be changed in a positive direction and in a couple of generations if we truly desired it. I feel there is a different way to be, a different way to ‘parent’. Just because ‘that has been the way it has always been’, does not mean that is has to be the the way it is or will be! I believe that it can change if we have the courage to look at ourselves as ‘parents’ and what is really going on within ourselves and between us, our partners and the children in our care.

From what I have observed children FEEL, rather than grasp intellectual concepts and thoughts (especially when small). The idea of ‘do what I say, not what I do’ does not work. Children are feeling beings not thinking beings**(when they are very small). As they grow older and are conditioned by their environment often they learn to be otherwise and for myself I became very intellectual to avoid the painful feelings that were inside of me. Unfortunately this has also stunted the joyous feelings too.

What I realise also though is that children are a gift. If I am willing to be humble, open and learn I can discover a huge amount about myself and the unloving emotions that are within me. They expose those rapidly and with precision – if you want to know.

I look forward to getting to a place of just loving the little souls in our care for the sole reason that they are a gift and totally beautiful beings! Not because I want things from them, emotionally, physically, addictivly etc.

There is so much to love about children and learn from them. I love their excitement, watching them discover and learn stuff, they are naturals at that! I am realising how much I can learn from them if I can put my ‘I’m an adult and supposed to know more than you’ belief aside. Really it is being humble to being taught by them rather than the other way round. I would like to be as open, forgiving, accepting, loving, humble as they are again! I feel I’ve really grown down not up, smile.

I often feel I have more to learn from the Children in our care than I have to ‘teach’ them. If I was truly humble and owned my unhealed emotions rather than projecting them all upon the children, I feel it would be a much more enjoyable process for both them and myself.

The kids love going on adventures, they are pretty keen explorers and discoverers and are constantly finding ‘new’ species (new to them and often to me, smile). Quite amazing when you think about the process of our being, everything happens a first time, like discovering actually never ends, there is always something we do not know, we have not seen, we do not understand…. To actually embrace that wholeheartedly, that would be a place I would like to be! To be childlike with the children in our care! What a gift, what an honor, what an adventure if I choose to truly embrace that!!!

* Robin Grille’s book Parenting for a Peaceful World gives some enlightening information about ‘the history of’ childhood.

** I am beginning to feel we all actually are feeling beings if were more in touch with how God intended us to be. I have heard that God made us to be totally feeling beings and experience everything through feeling. I feel for myself I have learnt to deny my feelings, to justify, intellectualize, minimise and numb out from what I really feel in order to ‘fit in’ and be ‘accepted’. Often people encourage others to feel ‘but only so much’ and ‘only for so long’ and ‘only certain emotions that don’t make me feel uncomfortable.’ In my experience there are a lot of ‘rules’ and beliefs around feelings sometimes those differ depending on the environment that you grew up in.

DEAR GOD…

Personal experiments and experiences along God's Way

Category Archives: Parenting