Extract From a Letter

f7090-scan0052From a letter expressing thoughts on rage, sexual abuse, and parenting amongst other things:

“Rage leaves children open to huge amounts of attack and any darkness (people with dark intentions) that desires to connect and interfere with them. Sexual abuse is attracted due to both parents unhealed emotions and the denial of emotions leaves children unprotected emotionally and physically.

Often parents say they love their children but I notice their actions show that under pressure they are more concerned about themselves and avoiding various emotions, example avoiding rage by doing what an angry person demands or not being firm when they are manipulating. Unfortunately every time we do what an angry person wants, every time we bow to fear and manipulation we reinforce the unloving behaviour. This is very damaging to ourselves and others and we need to look at why we are so afraid to stand up to these people who throw their emotions around.

The reason why we desire to not confront unloving behaviours is within us and when we don’t stand up for Love and Truth we become responsible for aiding the creation of people who abuse others – raging, overtly or passive aggressively, at another person in my experience is abusive.

I feel we need to learn to stop pandering to abusers and stop taking our emotions out on others who are not the responsible for their creation in the first place.

Each of us have the opportunity to make positive change and I encourage you to do so.



I feel sexual abuse is so insidious. It is so damaging and the only way we are going to change and stop the cycle is to find and then heal emotionally the causal reasons why it happens in the first place. Coming ‘to terms with it’ or learning to ‘live with it’ doesn’t heal it, from what I hear only emotionally releasing it does, which makes sense when it was an emotional interaction that created in the first place.



I sincerely wish you courage to stop the abuse cycle. To feel the emotions that contribute to the attraction of abuse. When sexual abuse happens to a child it is an issue for both parents to heal – between each other and also from childhood. It is not just one or the other who is responsible, it is a collective attraction for both parents.

As parents I feel we need to have the courage to be honest with ourselves about what we are really doing to our kids. Not hold onto our investments of what we would like to believe we are doing. We need to have the courage to stand up for Truth and Love and to actually be sincere in looking at ourselves as we really are rather than what we desire to believe ourselves to be.

Any feelings we are denying or suppressing get absorbed and reflected back to us by our children. We need to grow the courage to see what our children are reflecting to us about ourselves, be humble and grow the courage to love and stand up for principles rather than remaining self absorbed and marinating in our fears.

My prayer is that each individual on the entire planet grows the desire to Love!

That would be the fastest way to change the world!


 And what a world it would be if everyone honored God’s Truth and Loved!”

* Written by Eloisa 20150524

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Re-Blogged Extract From “Parenting Is Easy When We Love”

I particularly enjoyed this extract By Justin Crick. The original Post in it’s entirety can be found on Justin’s blog, Link: http://justin-crick.blogspot.com.au

Tuesday, 19th May 2015

Parenting Is Easy When We Love

“…But the biggest thing that I discovered was that parenting is easy when we love.  It is a simple, joyful, fun and effortless adventure.  I imagine that I have felt a tiny glimpse of the joy that God must have being our parent.  I realised that I don’t need to train them [the children], manage them, or turn them into anything, or force them to be a certain way. 

I just need to love them. 

Working through my own emotional blockages to love has been the greatest single thing I have done with regards to improving my relationship with my kids.

God has already created their souls, and all I need to do is to create an environment where Gods creation can be expressed.  If I think that I can create a better child than God, then I am going to eventually realise that I am very wrong.

One of the greatest joys in this process is watching the difference in the boys when I have a feeling of love instead of anger, annoyance, frustration, fear, shame or any other non-loving emotion. I have seen them change in an instant when I come from a space of love, rather than a non-loving space. 

It is a bit hard for me to describe but children bloom when love is present, and shrivel when it is absent.  In my opinion, learning about true love, and being a loving parent from Gods perspective, is the greatest gift a parent can give to a child, and I would encourage all parents and carers (and everyone for that matter) to consider learning more about love. 

Your children will thank you for it!!

Justin”

Ethical Parenting: Finding Out About Love, Starting With Ethics

 

What does it mean to Love our children?

 What would love do every moment and in every interaction we have with our partner, with children, with others?

How do we know what love would do?

 Have you heard of ‘The Golden Rule’? A Biblical term referred to by Jesus as, ‘treating others as you would like to be treated’. Notice it is not ‘how you are treated, or how you treat others’ but rather how you would ‘like’ to be treated. Or you could take it one step further and say ‘treat others as God treats me’. This is what I understand ethics (very basically) to be. The beauty of ethics is that it is easy and simple to see based on the above premiss: treat others as you would like to be treated, and in most situations this will give a good indication if you are engaging in a loving manner or not.

For me it is a process of discovery about how God treats me. I am needing to unravel a lot of false beliefs about God and have so far only heard the Truths about God not fully experienced them for myself. So I am beginning with ethics, treating others as I would like to be treated. You can do this with or without God.

What does it mean to parent ethically?

I feel we have a heap of double standards as adults especially with children. If we asked of ourselves what we ask or demand of our kids I can guarantee we would be outraged. We would feel controlled, belittled, interrupted, confined, isolated, shamed, unimportant, ignored, entitled, and probably a heap of other things not mentioned here that you probably felt yourself as a child.

I notice often that I treat kids differently to adults.

Grownups when I was a kid said things they didn’t mean, they lied and hid behind ‘nice’ facades which are not really that nice, sometimes downright terrifying. They said one thing and meant another, they didn’t explain, were dishonest and said they knew or would do things when they didn’t, wouldn’t or forgot, they made promises they couldn’t keep. Kids got in the way, were not as important as adults, didn’t get the same attention. They didn’t know what love was because they had been mis-informed and mis-educated about it also. Sometimes I wonder why people have kids if they don’t want to love them, but it seems there are many parents having kids for other reasons than love.

 I realise what I say could be very confrontational. I feel it is true though. I have been looking at my own reasons for having children, they were not pure and to love the children unconditionally. I am having to learn how to love and grow a sincere desire to want to love. I have had a screwed up version of love and a screwed up perception of parenting and I am going through a process of re-education. It feels uncomfortable often and I am coming to terms with the fact that I have not wanted to love. Rather I have wanted to be loved, to be cared for, to be seen as a ‘good mum’. I have wanted the children to demonstrate ‘good’ things about me because I have felt so bad inside of myself.

I feel sad about this because it means I have not allowed the children to just be themselves and love them for it. I have demands, expectations and investments in them. I want from them, rather than to give to them. I have manipulated, moulded and groomed them into what I want them to be, to fit my mould, rather than what God created them to be as they are.

At first I didn’t want to see what I had done. I was in a lot of denial (still am on certain issues and subjects). There are many ways to justify, minimise, deny what we have created and what we do as parents, but honestly we need to get real, get honest and see where we are unethical, where we are out of line in the treatment, especially of children, but also our partners and our brothers and sisters (other people) in general.

Many people think it is okay to shame, condescend to, belittle, hit, hurt, abuse, rage at, violently treat children to varying degrees or under certain circumstances. We say it is ‘for their own good’, ‘we have their best intentions in mind’, often we even say it is because we ‘love’ them. We blame children and excuse ourselves for all sorts of hurtful actions, not seeing that it is us who our children are reflecting in the first place and we are punishing them because we don’t want to be reminded and feel our own pains and hurt parts. It is us who children mirror and they highlight our lack of love.

Children learn so amazingly. They lean quickly and they learn from feelings not words. They reflect our true feelings not the ones we want everyone, including ourselves to believe are true about us (our facades – what we want to believe we are rather than what we actually are at this point in time).

We are responsible, we create so much of the pain in our children’s lives*** – especially when they are very young (as they get older they act out upon the injuries created by us and use their will either in harmony with love or out of it – often dependent on what we taught them until they learn or discover otherwise. Even so their actions come from things that we did to them in the first place, because we chose not to forgive our parents for their actions.), we create it by not allowing our own pain to flow and be released. We create it by suppressing our children, by teaching them to be what we want them to be, rather than be who they are as God created them. We teach our children that they are not okay as they are, they need to be something else – something we approve of, and they do that, or they rebel which ever will cause us to feel the most, and often instead of being humble and feeling our feelings we suppress and punish the child some more. What we need to do is to feel. To own how we feel as we feel it and to feel it responsibly, without taking it out on another soul. It is that simple. Feel and heal – without involving your kids, without involving others, just you and God, if you desire. That is how it is done.

We teach children that parental approval is love. I am saying it is not. Parental approval is nothing in comparison to love, it is a substitute and a poor substitute at that, and yet even as adults we are striving for it rather than seeing that the how we would like to be treated and what we would like to feel (love) from others is mostly not what we are receiving.

 

I feel that a massive, world wide, re-education program is needed that begins with Love – God’s version not ours. We need to re-educate ourselves with God’s Truth rather than the lies our parents and environment taught us as kids and the lies we continue to tell ourselves as grown ups, reinforcing our erroneous childhood educations, that keep us locked up as damaged children. We need to re-educate ourselves first and automatically this will educate our children about God’s Love and God’s Truth through example rather than theory.

If we really want to love we can begin with ethics, we can begin with treating our children as we would ‘like’ to be treated. We can stop controlling them and begin to love them. We can stop shouting at them and withholding approval of what they do or don’t do and be soft with them, teach them about love, self discovery, self responsibility and ethical behavior themselves.

We need to do this through our actions and behaviour not our words. Words are cheap and meaningless when they don’t match the real feelings coming out of us. Being honest, truthful and real is important for real relationships and friendships. To be ethical we are going to need to first be honest and see what we are doing, how we treat others and ourselves and be honest about how it actually feels. So-often we are conditioned to accept unloving behaviour and we come to feel it is ‘normal’ or ‘the only way’ or even the ‘right way’ I am suggesting there is another way (God’s Way of Love) and that we can start right now, with a first step being by simply practicing and treating others as we would like to be treated.

That means stop blaming others, including your children for your own personal pain. For example, stop getting angry at children and own your feelings as yours, find out why you are angry and what you are angry about. I guarantee that you you don’t enjoy people shouting at you, punishing you, condescending to you, controlling you, having double standards and telling you lies so why are we doing it to others, especially children. Children are honest with us, until they are taught otherwise, so why are we not honest with them?

I am noticing that how I was treated as a child is often how I treat children and it is only as I soften to the hurts within me that I am discovering that naturally and without effort I begin to treat our children and others more softly, acceptingly, compassionately. While I am hard and punishing with myself I am also hard and punishing with others.

I encourage you to explore your own behaviours and how you treat your children, I encourage you to be real and self reflective no matter how painful it feels and find out the truth of what you feel, feel it without harming others or yourself and your life will change if you are doing this sincerely. It is beautiful and a gift to both yourself, your children and those around you.

Give it a go, experiment, discover, explore ethics and see what you discover…

* For more information on Ethics and Morality go to the following link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mybby95f3vs

 ** I say ‘your’ children, though I would like to suggest that they do not belong to you at all, but are rather God’s children and your brothers and sisters. I find it helpful to think about this as I treat brothers and sisters very differently to children who I feel I ‘own’. Children are not property, though we have for many generations believed and told them they are. Children are not to be owned, enslaved, brought or sold. Rather children are a perfect gift born from desire and are the most amazing creation and perfect reflection of our soul condition, where we are at and the areas that we need to heal in love. They are a blessing and a gift and our only ‘job’ is to teach them about Love, God’s Truth and God’s Love, God Herself, and allow and enable them to discover for themselves…

***We harm children by mis-educating them about Love, Truth, God and not being truthful about so many subjects. Including not being truthful  about our own feelings and thoughts, creating addictions with children, demanding and expecting of them, inhibiting their freewill and not correcting unloving behaviours in a loving way.

Parents have a lot to answer for. I am also beginning to get glimpses though of what an incredible gift being a parent is and if we ‘parented’ more as God intended it would be friggen awesome all round – that is what I aspire to and get excited about! Children are a gift and a very fast way to learn about love, if you are willing and have a sincere desire to love, in a real way.

Fear Blocks Love

I was reading some comments from Mary on her blog in relation to her post ‘Thinking of Dogs’ that I have found very helpful for my own personal self reflection*.

Comment from Amanda on ‘Thinking of Dog’s’ Post:

Mary How decptively simple this advice is. Mostly I rush through reading valuable information to get to the next thing that might help me instead of lingering over what I’ve already heard, feeling where it might apply to my own life (I resist that a lot) and miss out on the opportunity for personal change. That becomes very wearisome eventually and thank God for that.

Amanda.

Response to Amanda’s comment from Mary:

“I’ve found it useful to begin to consider my fears from the perspective of truth and this post is kind of an encouraging word for others to do the same.

When we are stuck in fear we justify its existence and never stop to challenge our fear-based beliefs with truth. We believe we are rational in our irrationality.

‘Thinking of Dogs’ is my way of saying ‘let me consider how I would feel about this situation or this relationship if I didn’t have fear’. I do it often. I’ve found that it’s helped me to get a grip and to strengthen my faith enough to begin to challenge my fears.

Its amazing to do this ‘what if fear wasn’t driving me here?’ exercise and to recognise what a contrast there is between what I’ve been doing and what I would actually do if I wasn’t justifying my fear.

Love
Mary”

* * * * * * * *

Conversation between Mary and Shannon about fear, how it affects us as kids & dogs: (in comments section on same post)

Response from Mary to comment:

“Its funny I was also raised with the message (and experience) that animals can sense your fear. As a child I took this to mean that if you show fear around animals they sense a weakness in you and will exploit it (it is extremely predictable that I interpreted the message about animals and fear in this way given that multi-generational injuries on both sides of my family uphold that the emotion of fear IS an actual weakness that will be exploited by other people unless you hide it). But this is not what really goes on when we are afraid around animals.

If you can remember what it was like when you were a kid and both your parents became afraid you know that as parents go into fear all love is withdrawn from their child at that time, their focus is on preventing fear and any positive, loving provisions they had going towards the child and its environment are suddenly gone. As the child in that situation, you usually feel very insecure and unsafe because of this withdrawal of love and the sudden loss of any sense of security the love was providing.

I believe it is the same for animals around us – when humans are afraid of an animal, the animal senses NOT the fear but the LACK OF LOVE and they begin to feel very uncertain about what is going to happen around them. In other words, they sense danger and often they respond in defence – not because they are aggressive but because they suddenly feel insecure in their environment and fearful for themselves. Does that make sense?”

Reply from Shannon:

WOW!! Yes! That very much makes sense. This totally “flips” how I was thinking on this subject…. I was completely focused on my own fear (like a victim), instead of, my own lack of love (with humility). Thank you so much Mary, this is a very very helpful insight!

Reply from Mary:

“Yes, I think two facts are often overlooked by people in fear

1. While we hold onto fear and justify it we are simply NOT ABLE to love in relation to what we fear. In other words, while we fear something we don’t love it.

2. That letting go of our fear is a choice that we have on a moment by moment basis.

So when fear is triggered and we don’t allow ourselves to feel it we are actually making a choice not to love in that moment.
Under those circumstances we shouldn’t be surprised that people and animals around us feel unloved and uneasy.

I know how easy it is to feel like a ‘victim’ of fear but we really do have a choice to let it go. I also know how much I’ve wanted to believe that I can love something or someone while still feeling afraid of them. It really doesn’t work and just isn’t possible.

The good news is that as soon as we do start to let fear go so many things change and we begin to feel more love for others and to receive more love quite easily.

So glad that the feedback helped.
Mary”

*Thanks Mary, Amanda and Shannon for these conversations!

Sexual Abuse & Family

Hiding

Hiding

I was sexually abused by my older brother when I was under seven. I have not come to terms with all the details yet but there are two occasions that I have vivid memories of being coerced into being sexual in ways that did not feel like innocent exploration with my brother. The memories I have are filled with fear, terror, shame, physical pleasure, a painful vagina, and many other emotions and feelings.

I was also used by my Dad emotionally as a ‘surrogate wife’, * and my relationship with mum was not a very healthy or loving one.

These relationships and the decisions and actions I have taken since, due to childhood events, have left emotional scars that I have not yet let go of or worked through and are still damaging my life, sexuality, relationship with my partner and relationships in general with both men and women.

I have been very reluctant to speak about being sexually abused and to write about it as I have so wanted to avoid the pain, judgement and associations that I have with it. I just wanted it to not have happened and to all be okay. The thing is it is not all okay.

Another reason I didn’t want to ‘bring it up’ was to do with the fear I had of how my family would react and of losing my family, of the shame I would bring to them, of me being wrong, over reacting, getting into trouble, making a mountain out of a molehill and it being nothing more than child’s play.

By my family’s reactions and actions towards me since I told them I had been sexually abused, this seems to be how they do feel (above).

I told them about it two years ago and the reactions I got from them at the beginning were heart breaking. What I thought my family was – loving, supportive, caring, kind – is an illusion. How they have behaved has shown me their true feelings and natures.

Sexual shame

Sexual shame

My brother has no memories of the event and I feel he feels it is my issue and I should ‘get over it’ because it is in the past.

Both mum and dad didn’t want to know about it.

Mum has not spoken to me properly for two years now, and blames me that it is my fault that the relationship is as it is.

Dad also didn’t speak to me for almost two years (with a couple of brief interactions during that time where the sexual abuse was never mentioned). Recently I did tell Dad what had happened and his reactions towards me indicate he feels it is very much my issue only and for me to work out and get on with my life.

My other sisters and brothers have very little contact with me now – I don’t really understand why, but I feel it is due to the unspoken disapproval from mum, dad and stepmother. The family has ‘closed ranks’ and dismissed me.

I found it devastating at first with my family and realised why I had never mentioned it as a child.

To be met with total ostracism and the feeling that I am making it up would have been too much to handle as a kid and I feel that is what I felt from them at the time and so didn’t say anything.

Now I have enmeshed emotions to unravel and release but I don’t need my family. I am learning that biological family isn’t everything.

I have people in my life now who love me for real and for me – warts and all – for what feels like the very first time and I love them in the most real way I ever have.

Surprisingly I also am accepting my family for who they are and where they are at without as much rage and demand upon them. I feel I will get to a point where they are just people with pain and fear and sadness to heal and I won’t have the same emotional attachments to them that I have now. I look forward to that time when I am un-hooked from them for real.

I have really wanted my family to support me through this trauma. What I have realised is that they don’t want to. Also they actually can’t make it better. This does not discount what was done or their part in what was done and acted out. It does not excuse their behaviour or make it okay, acceptable or loving in any way.

Even if they did want to make it better, they couldn’t take the feelings I have out of me now. They cannot feel my feelings for me. I can only do that. I have been afraid to do so and I still have fears but I am seeing more and more that if I want to heal I am going to need to feel every feeling I shut down or that got shut down from my environment when I was a kid, every feeling I learnt to avoid is going to need to come out and during this process I am going to feel afraid again while I release these feelings.

But If I choose to go through this process, I have heard that at the end of it, if I truly engage it with my heart and soul I will naturally reach a place of forgiveness and be free for the first time in my life**.

Sexual abuse affects every part of my life. It affects how I think, how I feel about myself, my self perception, my emotional self (which is still a child), my perception of men, women, sex, relationships, soul mates, intimacy, my vagina, my body in general, penises, my soulmate, my beliefs, experiences and probably heaps more I am not even aware of yet.

I have been heavily influenced by both people in the flesh and in spirit and have been and am still manipulated through my shame and fear of the abuse (and will be until I release some of these emotions.)

Creating my own Prison

Creating my own Prison

I am realising that silence creates prisons. Silence doesn’t protect those that are abused. Silence protects the abusers. It protects the family that doesn’t want to feel, deal or heal the shame and error that attracted and created the event in the first place. Silence and shame keeps the one abused a victim and makes it seem that they are wrong in some way, they are to blame and they have something to hide and be guilty about. Silence perpetuates the cycle of violence and abuse – sexual, physical and emotional.

I feel that I need to be honest and open about what has happened to me. Sexual abuse is something that needs to be spoken about, not hidden and silenced.

How do we protect kids and heal when we have been abused ourselves? I don’t know Gods feelings on this yet, but mine are as follows:

We speak about what has happened, we speak about and know the people who have done it, we support our children in that what was done was wrong. We allow children to feel what they feel when they feel it, without discouragement, judgement or attack. We feel and release our personal feelings including anger and every feeling we have about it in a loving way that does not harm any other living thing. I don’t think it helps to get angry and violent towards the perpetuators (though I have feelings of anger towards them at what has been done to me, that I need to feel and heal, but I don’t feel that ‘taking it out upon them’ is going to help me or them. It will only create more harm and more violence) and that is what I want to stop. We need to stop the cycle of sexual, physical and emotional abuse, stop the cycles of violence. The only way to do it is for each of us to start with ourselves and our unloving behaviours towards ourselves and others. To feel, experience and release my fear, terror, & grief so I can love for real.

We need to believe children when they speak and tell us of these things – being bullied and abused sexually, physically & emotionally. We need to take them seriously and find the causes within ourselves that have created them in the first place – both for the kids being abused and those doing the abusing. We need to stand up in a loving way and be frank and not accept abusive behaviour. Expose it for what it is. We need to ask and answer the hard questions Truthfully. Be humble to the pain – feel it, be humble to God’s Truth and the process God has created for us to feel and heal through**. We need to Love as God Loves. To restrain*** the perpetuators (lovingly) and find out the causes of why they chose to do what they did and heal those causal reasons. We need to remove those who are being abused where we can or at least stand up for them so they know it’s not their fault. We need to let those that have been abused feel the fear, terror, harm and deep grief about the things that were done to them and allow them to heal wholly and fully.

Do You Dare to know who you are?

Do You Dare to know who you are?

Talking about it as psychologists encourage might be a first step in healing, to face the fear of saying out loud what you have been told to keep quiet, but it doesn’t do the real healing. The real healing comes through the emotional experience and release of all that was felt during the abuse. It comes through allowing emotion to flow through and out of you so that you no longer hold it in your soul, your body, your mind. It comes through asking and receiving God’s Love to change your soul****!

I don’t know yet the Truth of what this real healing is like, but in regards to all that I have heard about it, it feels like the only True healing is going to happen the way Jesus and Mary suggest in their teachings of God’s Truth (see links below). The more I explore this and the more I experiment, the more I suspect my relationship with God is of extreme importance and also that I don’t have to do this totally alone.

God cannot ‘do it for me’ but God is with me and wants to love me though the process. God has always been loving me and it is me that has not accepted God’s love or wanted to love God in return. I have a growing desire to have a personal relationship with God and then…. The possibilities are infinite!

This is where I am at: getting honest about being sexually abused. Exploring and experimenting with a relationship with God. Growing a desire to feel and know the Truth of all that has happened to me and growing a desire to Love God, myself and others as in the way that I have heard God Loves me.

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* * * * *

* An awesome book on this subject is called, ” The Emotional Incest Syndrom: What to do when a parent’s Love Rules Your Life’. By Dr Patricia Love click on title to take you to Amazon.com to find out more.

** Jesus and Mary Magdalene have awesome teachings on how to grow a relationship with God which includes becoming an 100% emotional being. There are many teachings and seminars of emotions and releasing childhood trauma and abuse emotions. All of these I have found life changing and highly recommend exploring and experimenting further. Click on the link to explore further: www.divine truth.com, Divine Truth FAQ channel YouTube, Divine Truth Channel Main YouTube

*** By restrain I mean to restrict their will in a way that is appropriate to the unloving behaviour. For example if someone is sexually abusing a child that person may need to be removed from contact with the child and those around them until they find the reason why they desire to harm in the first place and then heal through that. The restraining I feel is important so that they cannot harm others. I would also be important to help the abuser to heal also and not just punish them. Punishing them wouldn’t actually help them in any way. ( I don’t know exactly how to do this yet, but I think it is important to reflect upon because what is happening now doesn’t seem to be working very well. If my child was being abused I would remove the abuser or I would remove myself and the child.)

**** I haven’t experienced this for real for myself yet, I am only regurgitating it. I am exploring God at this time and from what I am reading, seeing, hearing, it is feeling more of a possibility that this is real based on the premiss that God is all Loving, All Powerful, and God is Good and loves me with a never ending, never changing, real, forever, beautiful and certain Love. When I know for real and have experienced it myself I will write more extensively on ‘how to’.

Other Resources on Vaginas, Sex, & Sexual Abuse – click on the links to take you to the resource pages for more information

Divine Truth – website, FAQ’s & Main YouTube Channell – Potentially life changing information presented by Jesus and Mary on God’s Truth, God’s Laws and all sorts or other interesting subjects. Including how to implement these principles and Truths in your every day life. Logical, simple and awesome especially when you choose and desire to experiment and truly put them into practice. The most valuable resource I can recommend for soul growth and true change in your life.

Parenting For a Peaceful World, by Robin Grille – an awesome book on the history of childhood and were parenting beliefs and methods have come from – a historical perspective. Also ideas on how to change the parent/child relationship in a positive way.

Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma. By Staci Haines – excellent for practical and real ways to heal sexual trauma

The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do when a parent’s Love Rules Your Life’. By Dr Patricia Love – this book put into words and gave a name to feelings I have had that I have been told didn’t exist

The Imam’s Daughter by Hannah Shah – about traumatic abusive and violent treatment of a child by her father and her journey to discovering self, God and ‘losing’ her family.

Sex and Punishment, Four Thousand Years of Judging Desire, by Eric Berkowitz – history of sexual violence and acceptable and unacceptable sexual practices. In reading it I can see where sexual shame has come from.d8c85-scan0048

Mother, you had me

Notes Along The Way

Some resources for those wishing to heal in regards to their relationship with their mother:

Click on the underlined grey text below to follow the links.

Mother ‘love’ photo collection

Book Excerpt

“Cultural norms – backed up by the Judeo-Christian tradition -require us to honor our mothers and fathers and, above all, speak no ill of them. These cultural strictures affect all daughters, including those raised by essentially loving, if occasionally imperfect, mothers. They can get in the way of the work a daughter needs to do when she moves from one stage of her own development to another – from adolescence to young adulthood and then into adulthood and motherhood, for example – and must confront the task of seeing her mother wholly and realistically. Our cultural unwillingness to challenge the idealization of motherhood combined with the injunction against criticizing our own mother can leave any daughter unable to…

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Discovery Learning: Yabby Creek Adventure

This is a back dated post and follows on from the ‘Discovery Learning’ Post (Feb 19th, 2014).


Yabby Creek Adventure, Kids checking out a water dragon's nest, 12 March, 2014

Yabby Creek Adventure, Kids checking out a water dragon’s nest, 12 March, 2014

March 12, 2014

I have been pondering and reflecting on our discovery Learning mornings lately. My efforts in a ‘teaching/learning sit down’ environment have not been working.
This is what it looks like:
I get excited. I really want to share with the kids all these cool concepts I am discovering or hearing about God, the Universe, God’s Laws and heaps more. I also want them to get it to want to grow towards God (I am disregarding their free will often). I have been creating a sit down exercise I would like. I try & get them to do it. The boys run off after a few minutes to play outside. Iz will sit with me longer but wants to just have time with me and do what she wants with me. They don’t want to do anything I ask them to do. It sometimes feels rebellious, it sometimes feels like they are disinterested, it sometimes feels like they are influenced by others (spirits) in various ways, it sometimes feels like I am forcing them rather than feeling them.
When this happens our morning end up as ‘nothings’ and I feel despondent & disappointed in myself.
So this week I reflected about these things, how I feel about them when they happen, the addictions that get exposed and how I feel frustrated they don’t want to do what do what I want them too (an addiction).
I decided that I would try something completely different.
Instead of doing what I intellectually ‘think’ & have been taught is the right way to ‘teach’, I decided to experiment with how I notice God guiding & teaching me, which is, in the moment, through personal experience, by giving me instant, personal, perfect, feedback of my loving and unloving actions, through God’s Laws and the beautiful universe He has created for us to become self aware and discover ourselves, others and God.
We went ‘bush’ (out into nature).
It was awesome.
20140402 Looking up the creek

20140402 Looking up the creek where we went for our morning adventure

The kids explored (they are genuinely wonderful explorers), found creatures, were engaged, excited for the entire time we were ‘in the field’. They didn’t want to go to school and they wanted to stay at Yabby Creek all day ‘forever’ as Archie stated.
There were a number of things that happened between the kids while we were on our adventure. Izabella took Charlie’s rock and threw it in the river without consideration that he actually wanted to keep it and she had promised him she would get it out again if she threw it in. She didn’t which is a theme at the moment – she is lacking ethics and has some morality issues also of doing things that she knows to be unloving but choosing to do them anyway, for example stealing or taking things even when someone has asked her not too.**
Charlie was really upset as he is when Iz does what she has said she wont – it is a reoccurring issue. This time Charlie cried and I waited.
Iz began justifying her actions and I spoke to her about this and pointed out in the moment exactly what had happened and what she was doing and how it was out of harmony with Love specifically.
When Charlie finished crying he spoke about how horrible it felt when Iz did that to him.
We packed up and drove to school.
Yabby Creek Adventure

Yabby Creek Adventure

On the way we had a in depth discussion about ethics (treating others as you would like to be treated) and basic morals from God’s perspective (doing things you know to be unloving but making the choice to do them anyway). I am not particularly savvy on morals yet myself so I only spoke about what I knew. We began with the rock incident but quickly moved onto issues in both Izabella’s and Charlie’s lives where these things were happening. They guided the discussion and I listened rather than imposed, gave them the Truths I understand, or have experienced personally and asked them questions about their feelings and actions.
What was highlighted to me was that I hadn’t had to ‘teach’ anything. I hadn’t needed to ‘set’ anything up. I had just needed to be present, have a genuine desire to guide the kids in the direction of Love. I was willing to talk to them and engage a discussion about why they had wanted to make the choices they had, how those choices had played out, how that related to God’s version of Love and the Laws that were in play and how they had been affected by these as far as I understood it at this time.
I realised that by just being and wanting to engage, Love, feel and be present with the kids. Being willing to give them time, it made our day so much more fun, the things I had wanted to ‘teach’ them the week before had just happened through the Law of Attraction perfectly so they had an in the moment personal experience example that I could use to illustrate what I had desired for them to know at least conceptually. It was fun, authentic, real and not fabricated and more perfect than I could have anticipated for each of us!
It was interesting to reflect upon how often I am wanting to do rather than just be & feel. But that is another post for another time, smile. Check out ‘Feeling vs Doing’ reflections post if you want to.
** The ethical issues and lack of morals in Izabella are reflecting of Pete and My lack of ethics and morality in various areas from God’s perspective. If Pete and I didn’t have these injuries they would probably not show up in the kids or if they did we would recognise them and be much more firm for love and truth than we have been in the past. We are starting to recognise the unloving behaviours in ourselves more which allows us to recognise the reflections from the children.
God is truly loving in giving us so many opportunities to learn about love with the gift of children!
20140402 kids in Yabby Creek

20140402 kids in Yabby Creek

Discovery Learning Morning

Exploring rocks & insects, Yabby Creek Adventure, 12 March 2014

Exploring rocks & insects, Yabby Creek Adventure, 12 March 2014

November 17th, 2014

A bit of background about these back dated posts.
A friend, Caroline, and I decided to do discovery learning mornings, or ‘Home Church’ with our kids as a way to introduce them about what we have heard or know about God and the wonders of God’s creations.
Our intention was to encourage the kids own desires, discoveries and curiosity in the natural world and engage with our kids in order to share with them about Love in the moment & Love in Action.
I learnt a lot about myself during these mornings.
I figured out over some months that I was wanting a lot from the kids rather than engaging in the moment with them. I wasn’t taking the opportunities of when the children had the desire and were asking the questions. I wanted to ‘make’ times to share about love, or the lack of love,  rather than do so when an opportunity presented itself through the Law of Attraction or the kids desire.
Caro and I began a shared website about our discoveries. I have since decided not to continue with the shared blog as my personal blog is beginning to overlap. (These same posts are up on the other website still, but I posted them here also as back dated posts in order that they are accessible on this blog too.)
I don’t do ‘formal’ discovery mornings any more but we do often head out into nature with the kids and in the moments when things come up I am learning to take those Law of Attraction moments and share about what I have discovered about love, lack of love or am experimenting and learning about love with the kids.
I am seeing more that the Law of Attraction is perfect and God is giving me continuous opportunity to share love and truth, I was arrogantly wanting to make and control moments (thinking I knew better) and then abdicate as a ‘parent’  the rest of the time.
So I am now experimenting with listening more and allowing things to come about through desire, the Law of Attraction & engaging will rather than my will power and by force. I am beginning to see how allowing the kids to develop their will is really important, and me ‘forcing’ stuff upon them isn’t a great way to learn. I notice that there is much more resistance when I force than when it flows or comes from their own desire to know.

Snake Story. Discovery Learning in nature

Snake Story. Discovery Learning in nature

February 2nd, 2014
( Back Dated Post)
We had our first Discovery Learning morning today. I felt so excited about it and wanted to ‘formally’ share all the cool things that I have heard about God with the kids.
I felt starting with God was a pretty cool place to start as from there everything is discoverable, possible and every question answerable. I felt that if I was a kid that is what I would have liked to know about.
As I was loosely planning the morning a few more things came to mind that I felt were pretty important:
  1. God
  2. Love
  3. Experiments/experimenting – your own personal experience of everything to find out anything you desire to find out about for yourself.
Some Guiding Questions:
  1. Is there a God?
  2. What is God?
  3. Who is God?
  4. What is God like?
  5. How do you know?
  6. What is Love?
  7. Are there different kinds?
  8. What does it feel like?
  9. Can you see it or just feel it?
  10. What is God’s version of Love?
  11. What is people’s version of love?
  12. How can you tell if it is real or addictive?
  13. What is your personal experience of love?
  14. Qualities of love
I figured that it was important to give a framework about how the universe works. We inhabit a planet in the universe so lets get to know more about it.
  • Who created it and how was it created?
  • How it works?
  • Are there rules or laws?
  • If so what are they?
  • If so who made them?
  • How do they work?
  • Etc.
I feel that the most important thing I have ever heard is the following:
Seek God’s Love First and All Else Will Be Added To You
So I figured I could share this with the kids and see what they thought about that.
It was great.
I asked them who had made the universe and they said, ‘God’. I asked how they knew that and if it was because I had told them that or that they were certain about it for themselves?
This brought me to explaining how important it is for them to discover all the secrets of the universe and everything for themselves. That it is really important for them to feel for themselves and that the only way they are going to truly know something is by feeling and discovering for themselves.
There is an answer to every question anyone wants to know and the fastest way to get answers is by growing a relationship with God as God can answer any and every question that you have – God created the universe and the potential for everything ever imagined and more.
We spoke about how God communicates with feelings not thoughts and how important it is to be a 100% feeling emotional being in harmony with God’s Love to have a full happy fun filled life.
The kids had a heap of questions about God (just a few below):
  • Where does God Live?
  • How come God is outside the universe?
  • How did God make the universe and everything in it?
  • How did God make lizards? What is inside the earth?
  • What is the earth made of?
  • And HEAPS more…
I was pretty excited and said I couldn’t answer pretty much any of their questions but Guess What? I knew a way that every question could be answered and that was to grow a relationship with God and I also had heard of a way that you could receive God’s Love and the more of God’s Love that you received in your soul the more you knowledge you would have because this was a cool thing that happened as you become more loving is that you know more.
The kids kind of zoned out as I rattled this off and I took a moment to reflect about myself.
I am not receiving God’s Love at this time, in fact for me God’s Love is still something that I have yet to experience and so no wonder there was a bit of a zone out on the part of the kids because they could feel that it was all intellectual for me at this time.
I felt a bit down within myself about this as I realised I wanted to impart knowledge that is predominantly intellectual for me at the moment. I have error and issues to work through in relation to both God and Love and the kids can feel this. It was a beautiful moment of self realisation that what I want to ‘teach’ or share has much more power if I have felt it or have a feeling or personal emotional experience about it.
I noted this and went on to Love (Divine Love & Natural love) briefly (as I had realised that I have fears, error and false beliefs about love to look at, but in the mean time I could still impart the concept and the kids can experiment with it and discover for themselves about it if they want to while I work through my issues with it).
We spoke about how God’s Love Rules and how the universe is completely based on God’s Love. It runs on love. Love is the foundation and how the universe works based on God’s Laws – Laws of Love.
We spoke about what love feels like and the concept of God’s Love and people’s love and how often people love is actually addictive not really even loving from God’s viewpoint. We used personal experiences from the kids lives and I asked them how those felt. They didn’t feel like answering very fully.
They ran off to play after half an hour.
Self Reflection: 
  • The biggest realisation was that when I have an issue with something or only an intellectual understanding not a heartfelt knowing then those around me are going to feel my true feelings not the words I tell them.
  • In my experience when stuff is going on with children, especially younger children it is actually about me/us, the parent/s and something for the parent to feel about, look at and move through. To be honest often you don’t even need to speak with a child in the moment if you actually own your own emotion or better still, feel it then and there in the moment the child’s behaviour completely and instantly changes (if you felt the real feeling). There is no need for ‘behaviour management’ if I am truly humble to my own feelings, thoughts and actions and they are in harmony with love. Even owning my own feelings actually makes a huge difference.
  • Once I have done that and felt whatever feelings I have then I have the clarity to speak with the child/ren about the behaviour if it was unloving and suggest and pose different ideas, concepts or things for them to explore in a loving way rather than from an angry controlling desire for them to do as I tell them and be what I want them to be. (This is a new exploration for me and one that I find works most successfully coming from a feeling place of Love rather than demand, expectation, manipulation or control, or merely intellectually engaging. Intellect is not helpful when you are saying the opposite words to your feelings. Kids feel your soul feelings. They listen and respond to that, not your words). It is highlighting how much I want from the kids and how ‘good’ I want them to be according to me rather than discovering their true nature and desiring to love in a real way because they desire too rather than for mothers approval.
  • I noticed that when the children ‘switched off’, ‘zoned out’ or became disinterested it was directly related to an emotion in me or when I was only intellectually spouting words without heartfelt knowledge about the subject. I found this really interesting to observe and find out about myself.
  • I feel that discovery learning days are so much about me learning and working out where I am out of harmony with God’s Love and God’s Truth through observing the Law of Attraction and being shown through the children (reflectors). The children reflect my unhealed emotions perfectly and so it is an opportunity to see myself as I truly am and an opportunity to learn about love, heal the error inside me and become more loving to both myself and the children in this process. I find that daunting when I am in the middle of it and resistive to what is being reflected by three children all at one time, and exciting and inspiring also when I am more humble and desire to love more sincerely.
  • I have false beliefs about God, Love, experimenting and self discovery. These things and some fears I have were exposed within me during this half hour and I realised that if I am going to present concepts to the kids that they are most powerful when I have emotionally engaged them myself, have a strong positive feeling within me about them or am excited or desire to explore and experiment with them myself. (Mary suggested an exercise of finding out all the things I believe about a subject – false beliefs – and contrasting them with God’s Truth on the matter, then feel the difference. It is a really helpful starting point for exploring and feeling the beliefs that stand in the way of growing closer to God – Thanks to Mary & Jesus for paying this forward!* More information can be found on the Australia Assistance Group talks on the Divine Truth YouTube Channel)
  • It was also reflected that I am the one with the blocks and the issues here.
  • The kids are reflecting me.
  • It is not the kids problem that they are not absorbing things or they get distracted. I could clearly feel the holes I have in myself and some of the feelings, disbeliefs, beliefs, false beliefs and pain I have about love and God and so of course being feeling beings children are going to pick up on these feelings more strongly rather than my intellectual instruction. This was a great lesson for me to see that more often than not it is my imposition and belief systems thrust upon the children that create blocks to understanding or even wanting to fully explore and discover something for them selves rather than something wrong or off with them. This also translates into their ‘behavior’ I find that they ‘play up’ get ‘boisterous’ demanding, interrupt me when I am denying my emotions, in fact their behavior if I allow myself to feel reveals the exact feeling that I was in denial about moments before or it leads me into something much deeper that I wasn’t aware about before. It is more about myself than it is about the kids if I am willing to actually explore emotionally & feel what is the cause of the attractions in the moment.
  • God is Good! (smile).
* * * * * * * *
*‘Keep in mind that no exercises or strategies takes the place of true emotional healing which is vital to our progress, however many of these things keep me away from negative influence and soften me to my fearful feelings.’ Mary Magdalene. For more awesome information and helpful, heartfelt stories visit Mary’s blog ‘Notes Along the Way’, mary.divinetruth.com or the Divine Truth Website www.divinetruth.com 

The Great Experiment or the ‘God Game’*

I want to tell you about the greatest, most beautiful, life changing experiment that I am giving a go.


It is called The Great Experiment. And it is truly GREAT!!! This experiment will rock your world if you engage it with sincerity.

I first heard about this experiment from Jesus. You can try it all by yourself where ever you are in the entire world or spirit world!
This is what you do:
You ask God for some love – as a feeling, with your soul or what you might call a ‘heart felt desire’ or a longing/prayer, like when you really, really want something and you feel it.
Even if you don’t believe in God you can still try the experiment.
The experiment requires you to be truthful with yourself and with God.
So you might not believe in God, or you might think or believe all manner of things about God, this is okay you can still ask God for love and this process will work through the issues that we have with God. Now when you ask you need to be sincere and it needs to be a feeling, so asking from your soul or your heart if you like. Mere intellectual thought and head asking is not going to work very well. But you can try this too to find out for yourself.
Over the last few months I have begun to actually ask God for love (over and over again**), it began as recorded below:
‘Hi God, okay so I don’t think I am that lovable and I don’t know if I actually believe you are going to give me any love but if you do have Love to give me, like I have heard you have, could I have some? Please? (I thought being polite would help, smile, it also highlighted some injuries & fears I have)
I waited.
Nothing.
I said it again.
Nothing.
I got up huffily and went and got busy for a while and then it dawned on me, ‘Ahhh I don’t receive love very well from most people or I am pretty demanding and expectant about it, I have issues with love so I probably need to take a look at my beliefs and feelings about love if I am going to actually be able to receive Love from God’.
After discovering I have issues & blocks to Love I discovered*** that I also have issues with God and so I needed to firstly find out what I really believed and felt about God. As I am longing for God’s Love, both God and Love are worth investigating about how I feel about them so I asked myself some questions.
Self Reflection Questions I wrote down:
  • What are my beliefs about love?
  • Do I want to love?
  • Do I want to be loved?
  • How does God love?
  • What is love?
  • What is God’s love like? (obviously I don’t know personally, so what have I heard about it so far from reliable sources – like Jesus, Mary, friends I know who have experienced God’s Love and people in General who seem to have a love for God and who feel God is loving – I used these as a starting point, I am going to need to feel this out for myself but I needed some positive things to begin with)
  • What do I see as Love and is it really love?
  • What do my parents see as love?
  • What do my friends -past & present – see as love?
  • What does society and the world at large in general feel about love?
  • What are my beliefs about God?
  • What do I really feel God is like?
  • What have I been told God is like from parents, friends, school, religion, society in general and the world at large?
  • What is my actual real view of God as I am now, not things I have heard but what do I really feel about God and Love right at this time? 
  • There are heaps more questions that have come up and some I have investigated and some I still need to feel about. Often I revisit the questions as often when I intellectually answer them they are quite different to when I emotionally answer them.
I Borrowed Questions (Mary’s reflection Questions):
 
  • “What beliefs do I have about God that stop me asking for the Love?”
  • “What beliefs do I have about myself that stop me asking for the Love?”
  • “What stops me longing for the Love all the time?”
 

Then I tried the experiment again, and again and again and each time I have discovered something about myself through the process.

This began as an intellectual exercise. It is growing into a feeling exercise. A first hand experience of my own, and I reckon that is what it is about, experiencing it for yourself. Not taking anyones word for it but giving it a go for yourself because you want to.
I hit points where I get frustrated as I am not getting any Love – due to blocking it out, and I feel like I am useless and wasting my time and that maybe it is all a charade. I have had self pitying tantrum cries about that and reflected back and this is what I noticed:
  • Since longing for God’s Love I have noticed more things about myself in the shortest amount of time in comparison to the rest of my life and have also begun getting memories, first intellectually and then with feelings and emotions attached to them a few days after the initial remembering. 
  • Since longing for God’s Love I am seeing that a lot of the issues I thought were God’s problems or others problems are actually about myself and feelings within myself creating them.
Reflecting on this I began to feel excited because longing for God’s Love is exposing all the things that are standing in the way of me being close to God (& ironically to others also). I feel like I have a whole heap of blocks to God and each time I ask for God’s Love I find out something more about myself and the blocks/false beliefs/fears/addictions etc I am holding onto and valuing more than an open heart ready to receive Love.
So I am figuring that longing for God’s love is the fast track and I don’t have to try, it has relieved some of the pressure I place on myself. something comes up every time I sincerely long for the Love and it feels like no effort on my part to find it out or know it, it is just immediately there, instantly. If it doesn’t happen that way now I ask myself if I was actually wanting to know or just intellectually thinking I did.
I am finding now that often I will ask for God’s love and a memory will come and I will have  tears, this is also exciting for me as I am re-learning how to feel and re connect to myself having been disassociated for such a long period of time and having been terrified to feel any of my own emotions. I still am afraid of my emotions but I am beginning to check these fears out as well and get specific with my fears rather than just have a general fear cloud that I keep my head stuck in.
I am arrogant and resistant to God and God’s process. I want, and weirdly believe, that I am some how safer and able to protect myself. I realise, intellectually, this is not true and is proved not true so many times each day to me. I have been opening up to more feelings of being sexually abused and I have realised that I am not going to be able to work through those feelings fully without God and His Love, I need God and I find that scary as I don’t want to need anyone. I also have been really demanding of God’s Love and had to realise this about myself as well as wanting God to do the process for me instead of me taking responsibility and wanting to feel through the issues inside of myself with God just along side of me.
Longing for God’s love is one seriously cool adventure and though I can’t say I am always enthusiastic about seeing my true self because I still judge her, I am excited in reflecting back at how EVERY time I have longed for God’s love I have learnt something new, realised something, or opened up to something either immediately or very shortly afterwards (the next day or so). The changes so far in my experiment seem small but they are real, they are mine, and I have even caught myself getting excited about God and wanting to tell people about the Great Experiment, smile.
I haven’t been overwhelmed by God’s Love – yet, but I don’t feel this is because God isn’t wanting to Love me now, I feel this is due to my will and that is keeping God’s Love from me. 
I wrote this to encourage you to give this experiment a go. To dive in and try the experiment and keep trying it, self reflecting as you go. 
 
The whole point of the ‘Divine Love Path’ or ‘The Way’ is our relationship with God & opening our soul to receive God’s Love. I feel that I have missed that point and wanted it to be about all sorts of other things. But God & God’s Love is key in this process and experimenting with longing for God’s Love is spectacular. It is exposing, it is immediate – when I want it, and it is real. It is taking an action and growing my desire and will. 
 
It is the only thing that has actually worked and the experiment is so simple and so easy. I have some fears and terrors that I perceive as large and I am realising that if I don’t have a relationship with God I am unlikely to actually feel through those terrors, in fact I know I wont as I haven’t done so yet. So I am experimenting with growing my relationship with God and I will see if that makes a difference with my desire to actually go through the emotions I feel most afraid to feel. 
 
Have fun and enjoy the beautiful process God created for us to become at one with Him!
*******
More interesting Information on the Great Experiment:
Personal Footnotes:
* We were speaking with a group of kids in the spirit world and they called it the ‘God Game’ after they had tried it and they wanted to know why everyone didn’t know about this and why everyone wasn’t playing the ‘God Game’
 
**  I didn’t actually try it for ages because I didn’t think I was good enough or loving enough. I thought if I wasn’t perfect and really great then how could I possibly be given any love, I don’t feel loved by my parents so how could God love me if they don’t? I believed that out of all God’s children I am the one unlovable one, so I just didn’t ask for love instead I tried really hard to be better and more loving. It hasn’t worked which indicates to me I must have something off inside of me, and so I need to investigate that.
 
***  I had been told this previous but what I found is that when I actually took the time myself and sat down and longed for the Love it was through my own first hand experience that I knew I had blocks to God and Love and I couldn’t pass them off as easily as some moments before.

The Great Experiment:

Interestingly enough I came across a really great transcript and talk Jesus and Mary gave in 2011 while writing this post called:

20110507 Relationship with God: Getting to Know God (given in Melbourne, Australia)
I cannot recommend it enough!! If link doesn’t work it can be found on the Divine Truth Website: http://www.divinetruth.com> downloads>ebooks>Relationship with God: Getting to Know God>PDF>

Also another called: Why we Resist God and there are a whole heap more I am now reading through.

In the Padgett messages we hear from spirits who show perseverance in their prayer life. 
For example, Riddle shares:
And, when I learned that prayer was the only way to this Love, and saw you praying for me with all your heart and in great earnestness, I commenced to pray also; but I must confess that my prayers were not accompanied with much faith. But I continued to pray, and every night when you prayed for me and for the many others who were with you praying, I tried to exercise all the faith possible and prayed for more faith.
This continued for some time, and one day your grandmother……. She assured me that if I would only try to believe, and pray to God to help me believe, He would answer my prayers; and I would soon find that with my earnest efforts, faith would come to me, and with faith would come this Love into my heart, and with this Love would come happiness and joy.
So I listened to her, and tried to believe that what she told me must be true, and that she was interested in me and desired only my happiness. I continued to pray, …..
At last, light came to me, and with it, such an inflowing of Love as I never dreamed could exist, either in the earth or in the spirit world. But it came to me and I felt as if I were a new spirit, and such happiness came as I never experienced before.
The Great Experiment clearly requires patience and perseverance as we develop real faith.