In June I had a Peritonsillar abscess or throat abscess also known as a quinsy*.
I have been reflecting on the experience and feel it has helped me to begin to build some faith in God.
Being ill helped me to see a few of the incredible gifts of God’s creations, His perfect design in how he created the human body . The Truth that all physical illnesses are created from a refusal to feel emotional pain.
The exciting bit is that if we are willing to feel emotionally I believe all disease is curable. In fact disease is a feedback system to try and get us to actually feel and work through issues at a soul level rather than a physical one.
So what is a Quinsy?
A peritonsillar abscess or quinsy is a bacterial infection in the throat. It generally involves a pus-filled pocket that forms on or near one of your tonsils. (Thanks to Google for this definition & wikipedia for the image on right side below).
Below is an image of the abscess on the day after the pain had ceased. Unfortunately I didn’t get a picture of its development or when it was at it’s greatest size. It was really interesting, at one point pushing the dangly thing in the middle right over to the other side on a 45 degree angle, (see sketched image lower down).
Background:
In my 20’s I experienced my first Quinsy. I had a tendency to refuse to emotionally or verbally express how I felt or say aloud my real thoughts and feelings. In the end the denial & emotional build up was so great that I ended up in hospital with the throat abscess being lanced – cut and drained – on an IV drip for fluids and antibiotics for four days and antibiotics and heavy painkillers. A couple of months later it reoccurred a second time and the whole process was repeated.
Symptoms (some):
- Pain in throat, neck & face
- You may have a super migraine
- seriously bad breath
- ‘hot potato voice’ you can’t talk properly and it sounds all weird like you have a mouthful of something (you do, an abscess).
- it is so painful to swallow you end up drooling everywhere or spitting out your own saliva & waking up in a pool of it on the pillow. I had a container of saliva each day to dispose of.
- It is hard to sleep due to the pain
- swallowing hurts. Taking in fluids or solids hurts so you avoid it if possible.
Present Day:
This time I had a bit of an idea about what I was in for physically. But I set out to experiment with emotionally healing the issues that created it in the first place rather than just physically alleviating the pain. This involved a totally different approach and enabled me to avoid medical intervention and the side effects of prescription drugs.
Motivated by physical pain, which was a result of denied and suppressed emotional pain, (refusing to feel my grief about lack of love of self** and my personal reinforcement of that) I did an experiment.
The ‘experiment’ took 8 days till there was no pain at all and another five for the physical abscess to go down fully. Five or so days were just pain management and trying to get away from the pain, hoping that it would ‘get better’ and 3 or so were more sincere days which really made the difference (they kind of overlapped and I had various experiences and realisations during the other days that contributed to the more emotional ‘productive’ three days).
The most important part of this experiment was making a Will based decision to feel emotionally – whatever it took – and have a sincere go at doing it God’s Way . It was the soul based decision to give it a go God’s Way that created all the positive things that followed.
I experimented with things I had heard in the Divine Truth teachings*** and tested them out for myself. This was a really awesome experience and I absolutely recommend it. I now know for certain through my own experience that denial, refusing to feel how I feel & holding onto emotions makes you sick, causes illness, and releasing emotions (feeling) helps you to heal.
I have added some of my observations and things learned during the illness below. Some feel quite firm in me and some I feel I need more time to allow them to fully sink into my soul****.
I am really grateful to Jesus & Mary for all the information and personal experiences they share publicly about their relationship with God and feeling through emotional issues. I don’t think I would have experimented as readily without their suggestions.
I did a drawing as I didn’t get a photo of the development of the quinsy. It went from nothing to at it’s peak pushing the dangly thingy int he middle to a 45 degree angle to the other side. I didn’t think to get a photo as it hurt so much to open my mouth. Wish I had ‘cos it was really interesting.
The Process of Healing:
The Abscess grew larger and larger until it took up more than half my throat within 24 hours (see above image).
Lesson: Token chats with God, bargaining with God and hoping for ‘magic’ doesn’t make you better, it is just a way to continue to avoid the real issues and highlights the lack of desire for real change. ‘Surviving’ and ‘managing’ pain does not make it go away. Avoiding the real reason why you are ill in the first place causes you to stay sick & in pain.
I tried to manage my pain in all kinds of ways which didn’t work.
I came across a talk 20090801God’s Laws – Laws Governing Love of Self P1 Near the end Jesus speaks about the throat area storing grief. I allowed myself to sob.
Crying and releasing stored emotions is the most effective antibiotic that I have ever experienced. It is a marvel at how crying heals (feeling emotions) physical & emotional pain. I noticed that it involves both emotional and physical release when you really sob
I have a slogan now: “ As long as I keep crying about the real issues, everything is going to be okay”
I reminded myself ‘IF you release the casual emotion the pain will no longer be there’. Lots of things I reminded myself during this experience I didn’t know to be true for certain, I just held onto the possibility that they might be true.
I reminded myself of the Truth, that every time I break God’s Laws there is pain. So I must be breaking God’s Laws, I just needed to find out how I was breaking them & where.
I reminded myself that God was already trying to show me, so logically there must be something in me preventing the recognition of it. I then examined my denial and resistance to knowing God’s Truth. It always comes back to me and where I am out of harmony with Love – which means I can do something about it. YAY!
Lesson: God’s Truth is a relief! God’s Truth is always loving. God’s Truth helps us heal, it is the anecdote to fear. Find the Truth emotionally and you can begin to heal anything physically. Sincerely desiring God’s Truth on any matter highlights the contrast between God’s Love and our own error.
The more I prayed the more I felt about how my unloving choices are making me sick – literally – and how they affect & harm others negatively. Harming myself does not just harm me. It harms my WHOLE soul and it harms others around me, either by educating them that they can treat me badly and get away with it which harms me and them, or by reinforcing people treating others badly.
I had a few more good sobs – real sobbing I found is different to pain management crying. It can make pain go away very rapidly. I also experienced skipping over fear and preventing emotion immediately creates more intense physical pain.
Lesson: Develop a relationship with God and you can get through anything!
I don’t have a solid relationship with God yet, but even a growing desire sets one in the right direction.
Lesson: Prayer is Powerful. Sincere prayers are always answered. God is good and has my best interests at heart!
It is amazing that crying and releasing emotion has the power and capacity to heal any physical ailment very, very quickly; God made me so superbly that I am able to heal any ailment that is within me with God’s help and goodness.
God never does anything to hurt us. It is us who harms ourselves, us who harms others or others who harm us.
I had a lot of exciting realisations but the pain didn’t go away.
It was not until I ‘gave up’ managing and was prepared to ‘try anything’ (in harmony with Love) that things actually began to change for real. I think I surrendered.
I think surrender is when you get to a point that you are willing to do it God’s way and you let God lead rather than trying to control everything yourself. You just take direction and do the next loving thing and the next loving thing and the next loving thing that is presented to you.
When I did this my Guides were able to help me and Jesus’ ‘voice over’ came into my head with invaluable reminders:
“Pain is a result of unfelt fear. All pain is created by refusing to feel emotions.”
“Do the opposite to what the fear dictates. Do the opposite to what the fear is telling you to do”
“Every time you break God’s Laws there is pain – physical, emotional, spiritual. Find where you are breaking law and fix it by feeling it”.
“It is loving to yourself and others to feel your pain and release it. God designed you to feel, you were made to feel all emotions. Have some courage.”
“it is a choice to hold onto and store your pain. You can make a different choice.”
I thought out loud a lot of things, but in brief it was basically this (I think I finally engaged my will rather than just trying to push through it):
“Okay, I know people who have done this, it can be done, Fear creates pain. What am I afraid of?”
I began with physical things, and did everything opposite to what I wanted to do because I had decided to do EVERYTHING i could think of opposite to what the fear was telling me to do.
My body loosened, my muscles relaxed a bit and my whole body felt different. The only pain left was in my throat and ear. All other pain was gone.
I was so excited, what I had heard about I had finally experienced for myself and know it to be true (in regards to physical pain).
The next day my throat was still swollen and sore, I kept doing the opposite to what the fear dictated. I swallowed normally, and kept on doing it even though it was painful and over an hour or so it was no longer sore.
The abscess was still there but I had no physical pain. It took another five days for the abscess itself to actually go down to a more normal-ish size.
Conclusion:
The emotional experiment with a physical ailment worked!
The truth is that storing emotions is painful and refusing to release fears creates more pain. I know that for certain.
I feel pretty excited to know that you can recover from a quinsy, or any physical illness, as long as you are willing to feel what you feel for real and do the opposite to what fear dictates.
The Next Experiment:
To apply what I did for a physical illness, to my emotional pain!
*More information on Peritonsillar abscesses you can check out the following link or press on the above links near the top of this post:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peritonsillar_abscess
** A great Talk to understand more about the issue of Love of Self: 20090801God’s Laws – Laws Governing Love of Self P1
*** Press here for more info on God’s Truth – Divine Truth.
Jesus Quote, “Clever, Clever God” From what I have observed I am starting to see what he means!
**** Some of these feelings were projected, reminded to me or reinforced to me by my Guides & spirit friends as I still have attractions showing me that I don’t have a heart based knowledge of them. Some came as a ‘voice over’ from Jesus & or Mary in my head reminding me of God’s Truth.
*****Many of the things listed are things I have heard from Jesus or Mary Magdalene. The difference for me about listing them here is that I experienced them for myself and this was the awesome part. Hearing something in comparison to feeling it is quite a different experience. I look forward to learning more through my own experiences.
****** Now it is time to grow my aspiration to feel all the fear/s. I don’t want to end up being like the Croods were at the beginning for the rest of my life
Crying is SO good for you!
DEAR GOD... 