‘Soapbox’ Drama

I feel frustrated at times about the reoccurring issues that arise in my life and I have been told often and finally am coming to the conclusion that really nothing is going to change until I release the cause of these things*. I feel like I am perpetually focused on the effects and dealing with those, which I call the ‘soapbox drama’ in order to avoid the ‘real (causal) drama’.



 

I prefer to remain caught up and exhausted by the effects I create and not dealing with the cause. 
 
The more that I discover the story of my life, images, memories, feelings, events, and (sometimes) feel them, more often at the moment just own them, I realise that the less ‘soapbox’ I need. There is ‘drama’ enough in my life without needing to create more. 

Dear God,

May I have the courage to delve into the ‘real drama’ to feel what entered me as a child and to release it ‘as a child’ would, rather than holding onto the cause and allowing it to continually create painful effects that cause more pain and damage to others.

Love Eloisa


*It is not due to not trying to change things and make them different. I have tried and it isn’t working – much to my chagrin. It is through the constant experience of having the same issues keep coming up, the same Law of Attraction revealing itself, in many different ways – incase I didn’t understand the last one that showed up – that I am coming to the conclusion that there has to still be the same emotion/s in me to cause the same outcome. And doing the same thing over and over again is beginning to be quite tiring as there is no change. So something I figure needs to be done differently. It also makes sense that due to the same thing happening that I have not dealt with what is creating it, the cause, otherwise I am suspecting it could/would be very different. Hmmm something to act about here.

Thoughts: Expression of Selfish Feelings

December 2020, note from author:

This is an archive post. A post I discovered in my drafts (from a previous blog that I shut down) that is a record of my personal progress and past feelings. This post was written eight years ago. It reflects what I was feeling at the time, as I reflected on motherhood and what I noticed I was doing in my life, it is not based on God’s version of love or truth, rather it is an expression of what I felt inside myself.

I have backdate published this post to the date I wrote it so that it is in chronological order of my personal progression.

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Reflections: On Unloving Acts

December 2020, note from author

This is an archive post. A post discovered in my drafts that is a record of my personal progress and past feelings. This post was written eight years ago. It reflects what I was feeling at the time, when I first began some self reflection about myself and how I felt about what I noticed was happening in my life and what I was doing. It is an expression of my feelings at the time.

I have backdated this post and posted it on the date it was written so that the chronological order of my progression remains intact.

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A Gift

Thank you for the gift of your time and your talents!
We had such a fun time and hope you did too!
it was pretty misty
and frosty
Thank you for your time and for coming ‘on tour’, smile!
It was cold in the woolshed, but nothing like good warm clothing and couple of gas heaters!
John and Kate
John, Kate & Jesus
Josh
Fabio & Jesus
The Band – John, Josh, Liam, Kate
we did some dancing all rugged up – some even in ski gear, smile.
We hope to see you all again soon!

Who Am I?

I have been asking this question a lot lately. Who Am I? Who am I in God’s eyes? How does God see me? How does God treat me? Why do I not do the same – or at least aspire to do as God does?

The Facades I juggle.
Which mask do I wear? When?
Why do I choose to do this?

Why am I so confused about me?
Who I am?
How do I tell when I am conditioned
to feel how others feel rather
than my own feelings. What are my own thoughts?