Written on 15 December 2020
I think about soulmates a lot, especially mine. The concept that there is only one other person in the world who makes up our soul (one soul, two physical bodies, two spirit bodies).
Why did God create soulmates? I don’t know all the reasons exactly, but I like the idea that we have a mate/best friend to share with, to explore and learn about the universe and everything inside and outside said universe.
As I feel more about my soulmate and want to know him I find out more about myself and our soul as it is expressed through me or is impeded through me at the moment. I wonder about:
- What his expression of our soul is like, what his passions are, what his pains are and addictions are, how he has developed his character so far in this life
- Is he on the earth or in the spirit world right now?
- Will I easily recognise him?
- What will passionate love towards him feel like? What stops this full hearted expression of love in me now?
- Will I feel him before I see him and will I know him?
- What the soulmate relationship will be like
- Our soul’s nature and personality, likes and dislikes
- Our soul passions and desires, abilities and responsibilities
- What the full expression of this soul will be like.
I have fears and worries (these are merely fears and just need to be felt) as well as joys and excitement about soulmates.
I figure as I work through everything that is out of harmony with love and absolute (God’s) Truth in me, I will come to recognise my mate.
Firstly I need to recognise and embrace our soul without apology and without down playing our personality and nature. I have heard if I do this wholeheartedly and express our soul’s passions & desires and long to know our soul, letting it shine, that my mate will be drawn to me and I will recognise them.
I can feel that I have unloving expectations, demands, unloving desires, wants etc that I want a partner to fulfill. For example here are a few (there are more):
- I want to be loved (rather than feel my grief about feeling unloved)
- I want to be needed (in an addictive way)
- I want to play a support role rather than shine (most of the time)
- I want a man to do certain things – I have roles I want him to fulfill
- I don’t feel equal to a man
- I feel angry about certain subjects in relation to men and women etc.
All of these discoveries are educational. I can feel my love is not yet pure for my mate, nor do I have a burning desire to love my mate even if he doesn’t love me (I still desire to be loved and have my addictions met in some areas).
My feeling, demands, expectations and beliefs about gender and the roles of men and women in a relationship influence my relationships for example here are a few of the beliefs I have or have had about gender roles:
- men do physical work and create a physical space for women (me) to exist within, including finances
- men ‘protect’ and make women feel safe and secure physically & emotionally
- men make decisions and tell women (me) what to do
- woman ‘take care’ of others
- women keep house, look after the kids, are ‘good’ wives and mothers (read do anything for partner and kids)
- women ‘support men’ rather than lead
- women do what men want in certain situations
- men do what women want in certain situation
- There are many more not listed here.
These are beliefs not truth. They are false beliefs. And they are all unloving on my part due to the demands and expectations they create. But as I have them in me they need to be felt and released.
God’s Truth is different, for example both parties in a relationship have choices. I don’t believe God created gender roles (this attitude shift in me has begun over the past years). I believe, in the case of the above examples, that if both parties are self-responsible* they are:
- Capable and responsible for their emotional well being and emotional expression (this includes the expression and feeling of all emotions both pleasurable and painful)
- There would be no demands on the other e.g. for sexual validation, for feelings of safety and security etc as both parties would work through the reasons they require these feelings from others
- Passions and desires would be embraced wholeheartedly, no sacrifice, compromise or ‘giving them up’, so one can do what they would like at the expense of the other party
- Equality would be valued in the relationship
- They would be together because they loved one another, without demanding their desires to get codependent addictions met or barter feelings
- The time of both parties would be valued
- Both parties are capable to generate finances in an equal manner
- Both parties are capable of completing both inside and outside jobs
- There is far more that could be added to this list.
I want to aim for more love and truth in all my relationships. In my intimate partner relationship (with my soulmate) and also in my friendships and with anyone I meet even for the first time (more reflections on relationships at this link).
Every interaction with others is an opportunity to be oneself, to love, to be truthful and transparent and there is opportunity to find out about another soul, their personality, nature, their experiences and passions and desires.
There is much joy, happiness and satisfaction in connecting truthfully and loving others.
I seek truth. I want to find out how I feel about what has happened to me in the past as what has happened to me is important to be expressed, felt, and eventually the pain removed so that God’s Truth can replace it and more happiness and joy can be had in my life and relationships.
The process does not always feel ‘easy’ because old beliefs and ways of doing things get challenged and often I am in opposition to what love actually is.
It is an emotional process to change, give up long held beliefs and thus requires feeling past pain e.g. rage, grief, fear, disappointment, and perhaps the pain of denied pleasures, happiness, regret of denied opportunities etc.
To discover more about Love and God’s Truth is an ongoing education, finding out more about qualities of our soul and coming to recognise and know my soulmate (hopefully in the not too distant future) is an ongoing pursuit.
When I feel uninspired
I often feel inspired and get really excited about possibilities and how things could be. But I also have feelings in disharmony with love and truth and at times how I really feel is uninspired, the contrast to the inspiration is often exposed as I write.
When I am inspired I love the idea of soulmates of having a mate to explore with, to love, to know ,and create with. When I am inspired I crave connected relationships.
I also have injured feelings out of harmony with love; fears, false beliefs and anger through to rage to feel about. As I wrote this post I recognised:
- That I have fears and worries to work through about being rejected by my mate
- Grief about our soul’s nature and personality being rejected and the pain of that
- Fears and worries about the unloving feelings I have towards myself and towards certain types of men in general (certain aspects that remind me of interactions with my dad)
- Anger at men about certain issues
- Anger at women about certain issues
- What if I am rejected or my mate doesn’t want to love our soul or if he hates me, how will I bare it? I already avoid feeling the of feeling unloved.
- What if I don’t like him? What if he doesn’t like me?
- Will I have the courage to uphold love and truth no matter what, or will I pander and back down so we have ‘peace’, no conflict and my addictions get met?
- Do I passionately desire to love, even if it is not reciprocated?
- Do I value truth above all else and will I speak the truth (personal truth and what I discover about God’s Truth) no matter what happens between us?
- Will I be moral or will I prefer my addictions in order to avoid the painful emotions that may be exposed
- Will I truly love our soul passions and desires or give them up if he doesn’t like them
- I don’t enjoy feeling the pain of my nature and personality being pulled down and attacked, again.
These are areas to feel about and to find the truth of how I feel. I have the ability to compare it with God’s Truth (which I won’t know until I discover it and feel it in my own heart).
On many subjects in my heart is rage and fury, fears and grief, disappointment and pain and on top of that are all the ways I avoid the pain (addictions). At times, when it comes to the crunch I act on these over inspiration. That is why it is important to develop my personal aspiration. The uninspired feelings, fears, angers etc are not God’s Truth, but they originated from somewhere, are now within me and I need to let them be felt.
The beauty of the aspiration (my personal desire) and acting on truth and love in relationships is that it exposes all the areas out of harmony with truth and love and exposes the issues each individual has that prevents connection in relationships.
Self-Responsibility is the Law based requirement of self-awareness, to seek truth,
love and understanding of all principles of Love and Law, and the loving ownership
and expression of one’s will, desire, passion, emotion, attitudes, intentions,
thoughts and actions in harmony with God’s Principles and Laws.
A person’s level of self-responsibility is measured by God not as the perfect
embodiment of humility, expression of love or desire for truth but by the sincere
desire to attain this state.