I have things to say
I have words to string together into necklaces to lace about you in order that you will understand me

I have feelings to express
Feelings pour out of me constantly and you respond as they flow past you
I feel some wrapping around me, pulling, churning, fighting for my attention
And I let other feelings swish on by without acknowledgment or even a raised eyebrow

What are the feelings I turn away from?
What & why do I hide them from myself and from you?
Why do I feel that somehow if I don’t acknowledge my feelings, you won’t notice either
I am kidding myself and condescending to you to even think that you will not notice the feeling conversation that is going on between us

Or maybe I am hoping, just hoping you will not open your eyes too wide, that you will want the surface conversation
And then we part and feel unfulfilled, disconnected, dissatisfied
And I wonder why I even attempted to fake it, attempted to pretend that it was anything other than what is was

I have feelings to express and I have things to say
So instead of attempting to make room, attempting to be fakely different than I am, attempting to package it just right,
Why don’t we get down to business and say it straight, say the Truth, say it bright & clear and let the chips fall where they may

Express myself, that way there will be no doubting me, who I am, what I feel, think and believe
If I were not afraid, if I did not judge the fury, I would not worry so much
I am already protected so no need to wrap a shell around me in an attempt to protect myself

These are the requirements: Be myself, feel, act, speak, express
With relief, this is me and I have things to say

Eloisa, 16 December 2020