This is me terrified showing you how HUGE my wall of terror is. I can’t even open my eyes I feel it is that  big. If I did ‘open my eyes’ (Uncover the TRUTH) I might get quite a surprise that it is possible to actually feel through and get over it because  it is JUST another emotion.

Some terrors/false beliefs/false expectations appearing real that make up my wall of terror.

Due to the fact that I live in my terror and keep my terrors so close to me, ‘protecting’ them. It is very hard for me To actually see beyond them. It also prevents me being open and loving and I sacrifice those around me in order to Protect it.  If only I’d put my hands down (submit and surrender to God) I would no longer have the wall of terror. smile.

Living in my wall of terror. I sometimes feel there is no escape. That is a FALSE BELIEF.

Protecting my wall of terror/error. Rather than challenging it, acting in love and feeling my way through it brick by brick.

 A little story that came to mind in images:

I meet someone. I say how I feel (if I am courageous in that moment). The feeling coming out of me is: ‘Don’t attack me, don’t attack me, I’ll do whatever you want just don’t attack me’ (not a loving projection! And a huge expectation and demand upon the other person)

Then… Emotionally I ‘hide’, shut down, go out of body, or literally I hide, or ‘have’ to leave. Rather than staying open emotionally and FEELING whatever it is that is there to feel. (This is protecting my terror and false beliefs that I am going to be ‘attacked’. If I stayed open felt it and cried I am beginning to believe I would heal a lot faster.)

Sometimes I run and don’t look back. But when I am brave I then take a little peek (feel) to see what has happened and if what I expected to happen has (I take a breath and feel how I feel)…

Or see if I need to hide again. Which often I want to do, and do again.

Or to see if I am going to be wrong this time and surprised. Did I ‘prove’ my false belief and add another brick to my wall of terror, or has the Law of Attraction changed for me? ***********************

*The wall of Terror is borrowed from Mary. A really helpful talk I found was, 20100822 The Human Soul: Emotions and Addictions. Available to be downloaded as an MP3 from the Divine Truth Website

My Story: Love Overcomes Evil: Love is the most powerful force in the Universe. What an awesome sentence. Somewhere inside of me a light comes on and an in-built rad…

That I feel Love and am open to Love.
But on reflection I am not.
I am tentative about Love.
I am cynical and sceptical.
I bow to fear and anger more readily then I stand for Love.


Yet I cling to love. Or the idea of Love, the hope of Love.


I cling to the times when Love has been demonstrated to me. To the encounters I have had that have caused me to feel the Truth and how much easier it was to feel while being loved than through the experience of anger or fear. This was REAL Love!


I remind myself:
Love is powerful
Love is real
Love heals
Love is stronger than fear and I am open to feel when love is present.


If only it was always that way 
If only Love ruled each moment permanently in my life. (It can so why don’t I let it?)


The Truth is Love does rule!


But I am busy focusing on my fear and rage and that makes it hard for Love to flourish in my life.
I trot over Love, I dismiss the times Love has ‘crumbled my stone heart to sand**.’
I am so busy looking through my telescope focused on negativity, evil, bad, pain, that Love might be right next to me and I miss it or don’t recognise it as it Love, or often don’t even want to see it.
I want to protect the pain and hurt, anger and fear.

So busy focusing on other things than Love.

It was recently reflected to me is how often I get on my ‘high horse’ about Love. How I ‘decide’ what is and what is not love (read ‘love’ as meet my addictions and make me feel good equals love). Often I am riding over real Love in pursuit of addictive love. I also judge and condemn in the name of love.

On My High Horse about Love

Really I need to take a pause and feel about what Love is. What it really means, what it actually feels like, not what I have been told it means or feels like!

I often doubt the ‘ultimate power of Love over evil’ and often ‘believe in Fear over Love’***.


What if I didn’t doubt Love?
What would my life be like if I stood for Love above all else?
What actions would I take and how would it feel to live with Love Ruling in MY life?

*I have been reading Mary’s blog and her feelings and reflections about Love .

** Thank you Mary for this beautiful image.


*** Thank you again Mary for asking the questions:


 ‘what do I believe in? Love or fear?’

‘Do you ever doubt the ultimate power of love over evil?’

We spent a day in a garden made for collecting seed. With people who love seeds, plants and growing things. Learning about plants, seeds, collecting them, drying them, planting, transplanting them and growing them (well God does the growing, we enjoy them! smile). Thank you to Darren, Jazz, Darren’s Mum and Nevyl for having us at the Little Lady Bird Nursery for Environment Day! Thank you to those of you who gave your time and efforts. We feel blessed to have been in the company of people acting on their passions and desires! 

I AM BRAVE WHEN I DESIRE THE TRUTH.


I AM BRAVER WHEN I FEEL THE TRUTH.


I AM BRAVEST WHEN I HAVE BECOME THE TRUTH ( I have felt the emotion and it is part of me, no longer controlling or influencing me.)

Thank you Angelo!!!

I like words.


Delight is such a yummy word. It tastes*. It feels so yum on my tongue and teeth, and it has a whole emotional feeling to it also. There are things that genuinely delight me. It is this light, airy feeling almost like a small leap or a jump that happens within me when I am delighted and I feel the word sort of sounds like it feels. Delight brings to mind an image of when I was a little girl dressed all in white jumping little jumps over things I noticed on the ground**. Or a frog with it’s legs out like a star floating up to the surface of the water.


It is like the word ‘delicious’ it feels that way, and it sounds plump and juicy and delicious. like licking lips that have something tasty on them or a yummy kiss with my man – one that is all plump and luscious ‘soft lips’ as he would say, rather than my ‘sour, tight, closed, angry, uptight lips’ – my lips have a personality (read reflect my emotions), smile, actually my whole body reflects every emotion – this has just ‘hit’ me talking about lips but actually every body part reflects our emotions and I have been told that but actually didn’t even intellectually ‘get it’, but lips yep they definitely reflect emotions.


I really like lips and I really like words, and there are some that I really don’t like too. Words are quite remarkable how they can trigger feelings, how they can bring back memories, how they hold emotional charge. Or it could be that it’s not the word itself,  but the way they are said, the emotions they are said with.


I re-discovered how much I like words when I auditioned for a concert with a poem. I know poems might sound ‘old fashioned’*** but poems can be so powerful, so full of emotion and can bring so much out in such a concise set of words. Each word has been selectively chosen for a specific, precise purpose. Each word can be loaded, has meaning, has depth, depths. Each word speaks for itself, it is emotive and can trigger us to be emotional.


I love words.


I love language.


In fact I might even have a passion for it. 


How tentative I am to utter my passions and desires. I want to keep them all locked up and hidden and not tell anyone in case they don’t work out or incase someone doesn’t approve, or incase I am really ‘bad’ at them, incase they are addictions…, incase…., incase… so much False Expectations Appearing Real!!!


Another word I like is Desire – though it holds as I judge it ‘negative’ connotations for me also but I like it. I like what it implies, what it means, what it holds, it’s potential, and the sound of it on my tongue! I like Desire!!!****


The word Desire brings me to discovering some passions and desires. One being shoe making. I have actually wanted to make shoes for a long time (since I was about 13) and finally I have learnt how. I am finding that I have many ideas and thoughts and downloads and lots of help from my friend Michael (and maybe other spirits too) who was a shoe maker a couple of centuries ago. But I have yet to make up all the ideas physically and that is bringing up a number of emotions that I have had ‘hidden’ away from myself for some time. It is actually quite cool to discover what is inside me through doing something I like. And I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY like making shoes, thinking about shoes, talking to Michael about shoes, designing shoes, making shoes. 


I will write more on shoes at another time. For now I hope you enjoy exploring and discovering and adventuring into some of your passions and desires and maybe taste a few words and see how they feel. smile.

Dear God


Thank you for desires, passions, Truth, Love, for words, language, feet, shoes, spirits, for felt, nylon, investigation, ideas, never ending possibility, and a various, variety of delightful things. For kisses, frogs, sunlight, string and wonder, for people who inspire. Thank you for creating so many never ending wonders for us to discover! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!


Love


Eloisa 

*I have always liked ‘tasting’ words, feeling them around in my mouth, experimenting with how they sound and ‘feel’ and what they taste like. It is fun. I like finding words I don’t know and what they actually mean (many words ‘officially’ mean more than what we use them for), how the word has changed over time and what it mean’t in times gone by or how it used to be used and how it is now used. Words change and move. I get disappointed in myself that I don’t choose to remember all I find out about words and I don’t remember many very tasty words. What I do remember is the feeling I had discovering them and how excited I felt exploring and investigating words and their history or a ‘new’ word I had found popping up all over the place once I had noticed it (very much like the Law of Attraction). When I move through the emotion maybe I will remember it all once again. 


** interesting how words are emotionally charged, I reckon I might feel quite differently about this word when I am at one with God and maybe even in a year or two, in fact words directly influence and affect me emotionally all the time.


***I love the art of the spoken word. Poetry spoken or read aloud. Stories told, spoken, read aloud. Songs. The spoken word when it is spoken with emotion or to evoke emotion, when it is given as a gift it is beautiful! Also songs are poetry though sometimes we forget that.


****I feel like I am personifying or emotifying words, giggle, giving them personality and things that they may not be for others, so read this as very Eloisa’s emotions based and feel out if it fits for you or not.