A Letter: Thoughts on Parenting, May 2021

Sometimes I write letters or emails as a way to clarify thoughts or feelings after a conversation. Sometimes I send them, sometimes I don’t. Here is one I drafted to a friend in regards to parents & children.

May 2021

Dear friend,

I wanted to clarify that when I speak about the children and the issues that you see them acting out, that the main issue is the parents (in my case me and the kids dad in our family).

The children have grown up in an environment that has taught/modeled via example and/or allowed, and/or actively encouraged and created the behaviours, beliefs that are being demonstrated.

As I recognise what I have done and what I am responsible for co-creating in our family I look to change myself first. Then (and or simultaneously) I aim to love the children which means I am truthful and kind about what I can see is going on for them. Not punishing or blaming them for their behaviour which would be hypocritical seeing as I am half the problem that created, encouraged, fostered or allowed the behaviours that are now acted out in our home and in the world.

The children have inherited many beliefs out of harmony with love, and there have been many times when I have not spoken up for love, truth & morality in our home. But the main issue is when I do not deal with my past experiences emotionally as then I act out of those and impact others, especially the children who are responding to my soul based feelings not my words or facade. What I model via my soul based beliefs, the things I feel but don’t say and my behaviour in various situations is what the children absorb and respond to.

I attempt to look for causes (the reasons) of why we (myself and others) do what we do and speak to the kids about what motivates their behaviour (Why they do what they do) including the reasons they feel and then act as they do. Once we can understand what our emotional motivations are (the why) then we have the opportunity to change.

I find this to be the best way to create an opportunity for change.

This is not a short term fix and not about shaming, punishment or any other emotionally manipulative technique in an attempt to force change.

Rather the aim is to educate, develop self-reflection and reasoning skills and expose to the children what is really going on in themselves and our family dynamic with the aim to find what is out of harmony with love and truth in each member of the family.

I seek and then attempt to offer solutions as to how the children (& myself) could go about making soul based change or emotional change which requires experiencing emotion (feeling, expressing, being emotional). Soul based emotional change automatically results in taking different physical actions. I discuss Principles of Divine Truth and offer solutions on how to make emotional change that will bring greater happiness to their life and more knowledge about themselves as they come to know who they are emotionally. If I don’t work through my own issues I do not understand and cannot offer solutions, it is also hypocritical to expect from others what I am unprepared to do myself e.g. tell a child to feel emotion if I am not feeling my own emotion, or expect a child to make love based change when I have not changed myself. Sadly parents often attempt to change effects (behaviours) rather than the soul based causes in both themselves and in children and so there is little or no permanent change.

Parents are often dealing with effects and wondering why nothing sticks/changes. I have found that when change does not happen it is because we do not ever remove the soul based cause (an emotional experience is required to do so).

When adults interact with children in a loving, truthful manner the children respond positively. When they are given time and space to express themselves, feel emotionally how they feel and work through issues and false beliefs (emotionally) rapid positive changes occur. For example a benefit is a child becomes self-responsibile and a sense of self can develop, which creates internal happiness.

For all children, having adults in their lives who aspire to love them and who take actions to become more loving and truthful, who are honest, forth right and who talk about real things is very helpful.

I appreciate understanding what drives behaviour. I share information about our family with you so you might gain insights into what has created the behaviour you see reflected in the children when they are in your company and so you may come to understand what is happening and some of the unhealed emotional injuries the children have inherited that currently impacts on their learning (both in a negative or positive way). Please note it is not your responsiblitiy to fix what has been done by me or the kids dad. But more truth and understanding may help you to see what is going on and where it originated.

I mention these things as I know they show up in the classroom and other areas of the childrens’ lives. I believe the more information one has the more one can understand. Also being transparent and bringing a person’s attention/awareness to things that we can see (but they may not be able to) in a firm, kind, truthful manner creates an opportunity to develop self-reflection skills which in turn enables a person to see themselves more realistically over time and make choices as to how they treat others and themselves.

I know how helpful it is to have people in my life who have a feeling of love for me and point out issues that I did not see or am not aware of in myself. It does not always feel comfortable but it has provided opportunity for me to grow and come to know myself as a person.

Parents are the first teachers in a child’s life and I feel that it is the responsibility of a parent to educate themselves about what love actually is and then demonstrate this to children. Anytime we choose not to love there are compensatory effects. Unfortunately most of us are clueless about love and how the laws of the universe (God’s Laws) work. We end up creating all kinds of problems by not working through our unhealed emotional injuries from our childhoods and the choices we made as we grew into adults. I have much compassion for each of us, as parents were also once children too and we were educated, via example, in all kinds of unloving ways that we now distortedly believe to be ‘love’. It takes courage, a passionate desire to love and a passionate desire to experience and release emotion to bring about change.

There is more I could mention, but will leave it at this for now.

Best wishes,


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