Having Children Did Not Make Me a Real Woman

Before I had children I had the false belief that having children would make me a ‘real woman’.
I thought being a mum was my only role, purpose and destiny in life. I thought that once I was married and had children my purpose as a woman would be fulfilled and life would be perfect like in a hallmark movie. I believed that somehow having children would magically fix everything in my life and make me feel great.

Having children did not make me a real woman. Having children did not ‘fix’ my life, I have had to figure out why my life is as it is and put in a lot of effort to begin to firstly want to fix it and then actually taking actions necessary to fix my life. Having children did highlight every emotional injury and false belief I was willing to see and feel, this is an ongoing gift (when I first had children I didn’t see it as a gift).

At the time, having children was the most confronting thing that happened in my life and being a mum/parent didn’t come naturally to me. I have needed to learn and grow in order to come to know what it means to be a parent and love others, including children, from a moral (God’s) perspective (Thanks to Jesus, Mary and the teachings of Divine Truth I discovered how to do this).

Once I had children I was tired all the time, I found I was not a ‘natural’ mother who ‘just knew what to do’ I wasn’t an ‘earth mother’ who loved breast feeding, in fact I felt deeply depressed at how inadequate, unloved and insignificant I was, I had a lot of rage about a lot of things, and being a mum was one of them (it wasn’t what I expected). I was terrified that the whole world could see that I was a terrible and incompetent mother who had no idea about what she was doing or how to look after herself let alone a child. I was criticized and judged by my mum, dad, step mum and my husband and his family as not being a good parent by their standards. And my husband felt I was a less than an adequate mother, who didn’t live up to his expectations. I felt totally overwhelmed and felt I couldn’t cope, (I later found out that the real reason I was not coping was due to refusing to feel the truth of all the emotions that were exposed in me through the experience of becoming a parent, thanks again to Jesus and Mary who taught me this truth).

After having a child I couldn’t avoid or pretend that things were different than I wanted them to be. I didn’t have 100% of my time to myself to meet all of my physical and emotional addictions and to avoid all the feelings, experiences and memories I had stuffed deep down inside myself hoping somehow they would magically disappear, no longer exist or resolve themselves with no personal responsibility or effort on my part. Instead, in hindsight I realise, my addictions were challenged (what felt like all at once) and feelings, experiences and memories I had kept under ‘control’ all came up and surfaced, they were raw and often I acted out in ways that I didn’t understand until years later once I had gone through some experiences emotionally.

It was 12 years ago that I was pregnant with our first child and I am so glad that my life has changed since then.
I have found out that my sole life’s purpose was not only to be a mother, there are many things I love and desire . For example I have a desire to have a relationship with God, I have begun to love the children I desired into the world in a real way, I have begun to deconstruct the co-dependent relationship with my husband, and I have now experienced what love and truth based relationships are actually like. I am learning about God’s Way, the power of desire and so many more things.

I feel that I have yet to truly understand what it means to be a parent as God intended. I have some Divine Truth principles and theory I have put into practice which I know work, and I have had experiences to know for certain that truth, Love from God’s perspective, humility, morality are essential to develop in myself in order to have loving relationships with others, including the children. I also know I must correct the sin in myself and the causes behind why I created and allowed sin to be created and acted upon in the children.

I will be forever grateful to Jesus and Mary who introduced me to a truly good and loving God and introduced to me to the possibility that I can live a life God’s Way.

Becoming a parent is an experience that I am grateful for and of which I am still learning lessons about love every day, but it is not the most important experience of my life, it is one of many experiences and it didn’t make me a real woman, smile.

Becoming a woman as God made women to be is what I would like to be. I have emotions to release and compassionately work through to truly embrace my femininity.

If you believe that you won’t be a ‘real’ women if you do not have a child, I would like to let you know that this is not true. Woman are real without having children and if you are planning to have children I encourage you to begin to emotionally open up to yourself and others in order that you know yourself and the real reasons behind the compulsion to have biological children.

Note about having children: As I have heard from Jesus and Mary there are multi generational injuries in society about women being expected to have children, this is why girls are getting their periods at younger ages and one reason why some people feel that women who do not have children are lacking in some way (the pressure on woman to have children by a certain age is intense), it is the reason why IVF is so popular – we all want to own children, we forget there are thousands of ‘unwanted’ children who we could be loving and caring for all around the world. The expectation to have children and the feeling of wanting to own children are emotional injuries we all (men and women) need to heal in order to truly love and care for each other and children rather than expect and demand children to meet our addictive demands and expectations.

Children are a gift and the purpose of a parent (biological or a person who takes up the role because they truly love children) is to teach children about love, truth, humility, morality, ethics and humility, we cannot teach what we do not know, so as adults we need to discover the truth about these things first and foremost and apply them to our own lives before and then wholeheartedly share our experiences and discoveries with others so they have the opportunity to apply them to their own lives if they so desire.

Links to Divine Truth material on:

Parenting FAQ’s

Parenting, Extended Presentations

Partner Relationships FAQ’s

Partner Relationships, Extended Presentations

That’s all for now,


Eloisa, January 2006
Eloisa, December 2009
Eloisa and baby, 2010
Eloisa, learning new things (video documentation), 2017