The Beginning

Dear God,
Please help us to be humble, please help us to be open, vulnerable and in Truth.

Help us to Truthfully share some of our emotions and experiences while growing in love for You, God. 


Nervous, afraid, unworthy, exposed, inadequate. These are the feelings that are at the top of a mountain of feelings for me beginning this blog. I have felt judgemental at times of ‘bolggers’ and wondered how anyone would have time to actually read what is written and who would want to anyway?
 
Recently those judgements have been turned on their head and I realise that it is my own fears and inadequacies that I am projecting onto others and then judging. It is actually me who feels that no one would want to spend time on me or read what I have experienced. And maybe they don’t and wont.


Over the last few months I have become one of ‘those blog readers’ that I judged. There are a couple of blogs that I wait for because they are such gifts. 


This blog is a beginning for me, to open my true self to the world and share that as it unravels and unfolds. I don’t even know who my true self is yet, I am coming to terms with the Truth of what is held emotionally in my Soul and what I have yet to emotionally realise and release. I am beginning to FEEL and not intellectualise, justify or minimise (and many more avoidance adjectives that can go along with these too). I am beginning to TRULY want God and to feel the Love God has for me and to grow my love for God. I am beginning to want God and to have a relationship with God. In growing my desire for God I am also growing my desire for myself- my whole self, both halves of this one soul-, to actually know who I am at a soul level. Not just the ‘good’ bits or the nice, pretty bits, as I judge them. But the raw, wounded, ugly, stinky bits too. 


So this is the beginning…


Love Eloisa


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