Thoughts: One Facade

 

I create many facades – to pretend I am one way, to myself and to others, when actually I am not. This particular image of my facade shows how fear and anger* are prunifying** my soul. I had ‘a drawing download’ (an image that appeared in my mind) after I read the notes I took during Mary’s channelling of Michael*** about how fear contracts and constricts my soul shriveling it up small and pulling in on itself. It was an image of what I am on my way to looking like or already do look like and the ‘cover’/facade that I want to believe I look like.

The contracted/prunified one probably would have more holes and be more disintegrating be less held together and could be even uglier and more shriveled. I feel this is what living in fear all the time looks like. I don’t know if this is an accurate portrayal but it was how I felt.

I still do not know what feeling and experiencing fear is like but it can’t possibly be worse than living IN the fear and feeling numb or angry/rage-ful and guilty about being angry/rage-ful all the time (which is where I choose to stay most of the time).

Dear God
 
Please can I grow my courage and humility and grow my faith and Trust in you.
 
Eloisa

*Pete thought that the fear image looked more like an angry/rage-ful ‘devil’ like in a horror movie coming out. So maybe this is more a portrayal of the anger and rage that is within me that I prefer to go to and express rather than surrendering to the fear and pain with God.

** Pete thought it looked more like a horror movie with a raging ‘devil’  or spirit emerging from the woman – that fits too at the moment. 

* I don’t think prunifying is actually a word but it conjures up an image of a dried prune, small, wrinkly, malnourished/denied of love.

**Mary channelling Michael is up on the Divine Truth website and able to be downloaded from > Downloads >14 December 2011 if you are interested in listening to it.

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