The children are moving out of the house and into their first homes (a tent set up) tomorrow. Each child has purchased a tent setup that will be their home until they go through an attitude shift (an emotional change) in regards to caring for the shared environment and love of others (in basic terms clean and care for their personal and shared living environment and not expect others (mum in this case) to do everything for them, and to see how their choices and actions are causing unloving situations in their lives).
This is a natural progression in a series of changes that have been happening in my life over the past nine years. I intend to document and share the experience (experiment). All the experiments that I do are to learn more about God’s Way through action (to learn more about God’s Way visit divinetruth.com, which has many hours of material on a range of subject matter to experiment with, or find out how to connect to the source, God, for first hand information, smile). I am endeavouring to correct the immoral and unloving results of my past choices in my relationship with my partner and the children.
I have experienced that any unhealed emotion in the parent (any emotion that is stored within the parent and has not been felt and released) is reflected by the environment and when children are involved the children respond to the emotions as a way to reflect to the parent that there is an issue out of harmony with God’s Way that needs to be corrected. The parent has the opportunity to feel emotional causes and release them which results in immediate positive change in children (when they are very young) and creates less familial resistance (external) to change in older children.
All the experiments I engage with the children are designed with the knowledge that the individual (the parents in this case) is responsible to fix anything out of harmony with God’s Way that they have created, including what they have mis-educated children about. The experiment is designed to help the parent to make soul based changes (the parent is the main focus for change, please keep this in mind when you read this post). This experiment is also designed to educated the children via their own experiences about Principles of God’s Truth.
Having the children move out is a way to demonstrate to them that there is a problem with their attitude in how they are treating others and their environment. The dynamic that the parents (Eloisa and Peter) set up with the children is that if the children think it is unfair and unreasonable or if something gets uncomfortable Eloisa needs to make it better.
The aim of the experiment is two fold, firstly for the parent (Eloisa) to challenge the addictions I have, including doing everything for the children to get worth and a false sense of ‘love’ and secondly to give the children the opportunity to be educated in how to be self responsible, including caring for themselves and the shared environment and to come to learn about what moral and ethical treatment of others actually is.
- The parent (Eloisa) will learn about the current family dynamics and my emotions and addictions with the children.
- I want to find out, by taking actions, how to create a loving framework for the family to exist within that promotes Love, Truth, Morality (with a focus on loving others in this experiment).
- The children will have the opportunity to learn about God’s Way, desire, and themselves.
The children’s current attitude towards others and looking after the shared environment needs to be corrected (an issue of self-responsibility for each child).
The children have been taught to expect me to clean and tidy up for them. This has been fostered over their whole lives as I have done everything for them. I now sees what Peter (my husband) and I have taught the children is wrong (immoral from God’s Perspective). I have feelings of guilt about being a ‘bad mum’ and the children use that as a manipulative tool, they don’t think about it because it was a dynamic set up by me, the parent and has been ingrained since they were tiny children, it needs to be challenged and this experiment is one way to do that.
It is important for me to feel and experience my feelings of fear and sadness about not feeling I have any worth as a woman (among other emotions).
Some years ago (this has been an on going problem) I recognised that I had not educated the children in a lot of areas, one being how to clean up and do a job properly and so I had to teach them how to do that. Now they do know how to do the job, but they are angry and choosing not to contribute to the household for various reasons. It is the choices and attitudes that is the problem. The children are not seeing the impact their choices have on others in the shared environment. They are not being ethical, they have certain rules for themselves and other rules for everyone else (they were taught this by parents).
The children are very concerned about getting their wants (demands and expectations) met (in this case a result of parents meeting their demands and expectations but the children are now making choices for themselves that affect others and new education is needed). They do not consider the wants or needs of others. They perceive that they are hard done by and that anything that happens that is not what they want is ‘unfair’. In order to love, every individual needs to become a self responsible being (from the teachings of divine truth) and see how their choices and actions affect others. The children do not see that they are being ‘unfair’ to others by expecting them to do what they do not want to do, e.g. clean up after themselves.
Their is a lack of desire in Peter and the children to do what is moral (what is right from God’s Perspective). Pete and the children don’t want to change yet and falsely believe they don’t need to change. This is in direct opposition to what God wants and I want to live God’s Way.
I am attempting to create and uphold loving boundaries, create a loving structure for the family to exist within. I want to educate myself about God’s Way and make loving corrections with the children in all the areas I have mis-educated them in.
Aims of the experiment
For the parent:
- To attempt to correct the soul damage I have created in the children by not releasing my emotions (see Divine Truth Repentance and Forgiveness talks at this link)
- To learn about my addictive demands and where I am interacting immorally with the children and change it
- To feel the unhealed emotions exposed in my interactions with the children as they come up
For the children to have the opportunity to learn about:
- self responsibility, including personal choice, attitude, seeking to find out about love, truth, morality and answers and asking questions (grow their own desire)
- Love, Love of others, Love of self & Love of the environment
- Desire, how desire is generated from inside ourselves and is not supplied from an external source
- God’s laws and become sensitive to the rewards and correction that God provides, including morality and the rewards for making moral choices
- Their current attitude wanting to take physical actions and not change their emotional condition
Background Information on the experiment
I have had conversations with friends about ways to challenge what is happening in my household. I wanted to create an experience where the children would live on their own and feel the full results of the choices and decisions they made over a period of time. The intention was firstly to challenge addictions and demands I have on the children and secondly to correct the beliefs and attitudes I have co-created with my husband Peter, in the children.
I have a two bedroom house and the children all share a room. I end up cleaning up a whole heap of stuff because my standard of cleaning is higher than the children and I have addictions to doing things for the children that they can do for themselves.
I hold myself to a higher standard than I do others, including the children and end up doing more work for other family members because emotionally they know they can get away with not doing the right thing. This is a problem and doesn’t encourage self-responsibility. I haven’t wanted the children to be self responsible as this challenges my emotions of wanting to feel loved and needed.
One day I mentioned my idea about challenging the family dynamic to a friend, Jesus, and how I felt a bit stuck about how to go about it due to restricted living space. He asked if the children got pocket money. They don’t but they do have the opportunity to do jobs for pay (outside home maintenance and self care). Jesus commented that I could give the children two months to work and save enough money to purchase a tent and then they could move out. He mentioned various issues that I was not seeing about myself and the dynamic with the children.
I went home and thought about the idea of the children moving out and how it would work in reality and how felt about doing it. I went over the feedback about the issues in the family from Jesus and felt pretty excited about the possibility of positive change and decided to do it.
I spoke to Tristan the following day and he suggested to encourage the children to both correct their attitude and to aim towards upgrading their homes rather than moving back in with their parents.
A conversation about potentials and ‘what the children could do’ ensued with great excitement. I have friends who are very skilled in all manner of areas from spiritual truth and how to live God’s Way to building, design, video and audio production, environmental rehabilitation, scientific experimentation and discovery and so much more. There is a wealth of creativity and knowledge in the children’s lives that they do not see as opportunities. There is the potential that the children could literally learn the skills to design and build their own house within a couple of years by volunteering their time and labour and asking questions, but due to the parental emotions that they have inherited and the decisions the children are now choosing to make they do not even see these potentials or opportunities (even when they are blatantly pointed out, I have made suggestions but so far no action has been taken by the children). I feel sad about this lack of desire in the children, but I know if I works through the issues in myself that originally created and encouraged this in the children it will be better for all involved.
I considered all the aspects of what the children moving out would entail, fridge, toilet facilities, shower, washing, kitchen set up, socialising area, etc.
I decided it was a great idea.
I thought up as many different scenarios as I could that might potentially happen and came up with solutions, such as, what if the children sneak in? What if it rains? How will I feel if….? This helped me to see areas that I had emotional responses that I needed to investigate and feel through.
The Plan (made two months ago)
- The children move out on the 13th January 2019
- The children are given a jobs list that they can choose to do if they want to earn money to purchase a tent
- I pay the children for the work they do under the conditions that they have a good attitude and do the jobs well
- The children save enough money over the two months to purchase their tent set up and any other items they need to live independently
- The children set up their outside house
- The children can only come into the house if they are invited to visit by Eloisa
- The children can invite each other and Eloisa to their houses and to dinner if they so desire
- The children can come into the house once a month to swap supplies (clothes and toys) this may be reviewed and changed in future
- The children can use the washing machine (they decided that they would pay 50c per load for it’s use)
- The children have access to the outside shower and toilet facilities, it is their responsibility to keep them clean and tidy.
Once the plan was organised I called a family meeting and proposed the idea to the children.
I told the children what would happen as simply as possible, that they had 2 months to earn enough money to purchase their tent set up and that they would need to organise everything they needed to live outside for as long as it took to make a sincere attitude shift, I indicated this could be a week to years depending on their personal choices.
I gave the reasons as to why I had made the decision and why I am doing it, in a nutshell:
- Lack of love for others (including Eloisa and each other)
- Lack of love for the shared environment
- Learning about loving authority (God and then those who uphold God’s Way) (the children’s wants, demands and expectations (created, enabled and encouraged by the parents) have ruled the household at the expense of all others for a long time and I have not wanted to be responsible as the loving authority, this is now changing).
I said what I would and would not supply to the children’s outside ‘home’ setup and said that the children would need to ask questions and seek answers for them selves if they desired to know things or wanted help with anything. This was due to me continually ‘helping’ and giving information that the children don’t ever attempt to learn or find for themselves, this has created a deficiency in the children’s’ ability to logically reason and find out information for themselves without help from the parents and my want to correct this so the children can be independent.
The children were not impressed. They got angry and cried in anger, and came up with all kinds of reasons as to why is was a bad idea and why I shouldn’t go ahead with it. The children promised to change but they needed more time (they said). Eloisa reminded them that previously the boys had spent a period of months using an outside kitchen due their attitude and that they were still demonstrating that the same issues were happening which showed that time wasn’t the problem, their desire to actually change was.
They asked if their attitude changed by next week could they stay inside, the answer was yes, if there was sincere change (changing an attitude is an emotional process).
Once the children had expressed their distaste at the idea and Eloisa remained firm in the decision to go ahead regardless of their protests, they asked questions about some of the details and logistics.
At 4.30am the next morning I was woken by the sounds of buckets and feet on rocks, I looked out the window and three children were hard at work with weeding before school.
Jobs the children had not wanted to do for months got done, though they did not complain there was not a sincere heartfelt change towards work. There was more of a self serving attitude that they needed cash fast. As the mornings went on the start time got earlier and earlier, so I needed to create some work parameters such as start of work time and duration (e.g. 15 minutes of half hearted work indicated that the attitude needed to be corrected and so a discussion about work ethic naturally came about, this is another experiment that will be written about in future).
Observations about myself and the children during the morning work sessions:
- I didn’t create a good structure to begin with, this needed to be corrected and modified after the first few days. This is a lesson Eloisa needs to learn, structure is loving and simplifies things, without structure everything is harder
- The children wanted to work but on their terms with no regard for the fact they were being employed
- The children wanted to be paid for doing nothing if possible, or for doing the least they possibly could if they could get away with it (which they could else they wouldn’t have tried it)
- The children expected to be paid even if they did not do a thorougher job, follow directions or do the job requested
- The children didn’t listen to what their employer told them and didn’t follow directions
- They wanted to do the jobs their way, and pick and choose jobs
- They wanted to be the boss, without the bosses responsibilities, not the employee
- They expected to be paid no matter what, this included when they were angry at me (their employer) and not wanting to work, for this example I stopped them working and had a discussion about attitude towards work and being angry to get them to do what you want and that being angry at the person who is paying you is not a great idea as they will not ask you back to do more work, which limits employment options
- I felt guilty and let the children get away with this for a week or so which was a problem and reinforced the feeling in the children that they can get me to do anything they want.
I am planning an experiment to address the above list of issues. I am creating a structure, firmer boundaries and will monitor work more closely for a time to see how it goes (a post will be shared at another time with further details).
I have noticed that when I make a heartfelt decision and I am firm in why and what I am doing there is positive results rapidly. There is always initial resistance in the children but once they know it is ‘a for certain decision’ their physical behaviour and responses change. This is due to the fact that they know they can no longer ‘get away’ with the same things as they could in the past, it is an emotional knowledge so they don’t try. I have observed this when the children interact with other people and depending on the person’s soul condition and emotional injuries the children respond in different ways. I find this fascinating as it demonstrates that children are emotionally sensitive and reflect and respond to different people’s soul condition and intentions naturally.
Note: The children and Peter prefer to take physical actions. They believe that taking physical actions means that they have changed and are ‘proving’ that they are different. Their reluctance to make emotional change (take emotional action) is a problem because no real soul change ever occurs which means real permanent change does not occurs. I reminded the children that they were doing things the hard way and that they preferred to do physical things than correcting the emotional issues within themselves which would be far easier and less costly financially and yet they still preferred to do the physical actions. The children nor Pete see the benefits of emotional change yet. I am hoping this experiment will help educate the children about this issue, but it will be up to them to engage the process for that to happen.
Once the children realised they could make money relatively easily, they were a little less worried about moving out. But they had not yet figured out what type of house they wanted to live in or researched how much houses cost. They had some big ideas about building dwellings and purchasing caravans, I suggested they find out more information. They began surfing the web and researching, they got disillusioned due to luxury accommodation being out of their price range and their instant gratification not being met. They then researched tents, they found 2 and 3 room tents that they wanted and then again discovered that they would have to work for more than an hour or two per day in order to purchase one individually by the move out date (they could have brought a larger tent by pooling their resources but their desire to not work and not cooperate with one another meant their options became limited). After researching, the children figured out how many hours they wanted to work each day and how much money they would earn and this brought them to their budget and the tents in their chosen price range.
It was interesting to see what the children’s priorities were and their eagerness or lack of it in purchasing their tent set ups.
I have been attempting to step back from influencing the children’s decisions as much as possible so they have the opportunity to make decisions, act on them and feel and observe the results of the decisions they make for themselves (this is hard because the soul is a constant influence). This is an attempt to correct the error of influencing the children’s desires and having them do what the parents want. The correction is gradually taking place via the children learning through their own experiences, which builds faith on their decision making abilities.
The tent setup so far:
- Ground mat
- Tent pegs that go deeper into the ground
- Sleeping mat
Izzy’s brought her gear as soon as she had the money, she didn’t buy the best quality (middle of the road quality) she brought what she could afford at the time with the intention of upgrading later.
Charlie had enough savings to purchase his tent setup right at the beginning but decided to wait till the last minute. He purchased a middle of the road quality tent and a more expensive gazebo with anitpooling features. He is saving up for a $55,000AUD caravan that he saw at a caravan yard.
Archie purchased a tent, ground mat and tent pegs and is still saving for a gazebo like Charlie’s which is more expensive.
The children’s attitudes to money are very informative to parents and can help parents to see their own money injuries and emotions around money if they are open to doing so.
The children chose to purchase their tent set ups on their own, they do not often cooperate or work as a team. They didn’t think to pool their resources to purchase better gear, or about how they could have made different decisions had they worked together.
Izzy and Archie trailed their tents firstly in doors and then chose a site to set their tents up outside. They had never set a tent up before so had to learn how to do this, which exposed emotions of frustration and wanting me to do the bits they found hard. The children all decided to set their tents up a week before they were to move out so that they could test sleeping outside while still being able to come in to the house and use the kitchen and bathroom.
The first couple of nights brought up fears and worries (again reflecting their parents emotions). I encouraged the children and herself to feel how they felt and a few days later the children were loving sleeping outside.
The children have yet to engage the full outside experience. The kids swap over with Pete happens tomorrow (Sunday) and this will be their first day moving out (Pete and I share care of the children week about, the children spend one week with Pete and one week with me).
So tomorrow they will collect the belongings they need for the month from inside the house, kitchen items will be negotiated (if the children think of them), there will be a days grace to remember and figure out any forgotten essentials and then the move will be complete.
I am noticing that the children are missing skills and abilities due to the emotional injuries and addictions that the parents (Eloisa and Peter) have created in the children. They do not think about what they may need as they have never had to. They do not consider what might happen e.g. if it rains what are they going to do? They don’t think ahead. This is something that needs to change and the experiment lends it self to learning this skill.
Eloisa’s observations and reflections on the experience so far
- I felt relief when the children had brought their tent set ups, it alleviated the feeling of being a bad mum and ‘kicking the kids out’ (as a spirit influenced Charlie commented)
- I am excited about creating my own soul space, not something that I have experienced for the past 12 years
- The children feel challenged by not being allowed to do what ever they want. They don’t like that I am saying I am not going to do things for them, they don’t yet believe this is true so are not too concerned just yet. I attempt to avoid feeling unworthy and useless by meeting the demands and addictions of the children, this is not a loving relationship
- I want Izzy to love me and am creating a role for Izabella. I need to feel how unloved I feel and this will help Izzy to have her own life and make her own decisions
- The children (and Pete) do not listen or take anything I say seriously, they only consider it if it suits them to. It is not until I make a firm decision (and usually they don’t like the outcome) that the children take me seriously. This generally results in emotional resistance expressed as anger or rage in an attempt to get me to change my mind and go back to what the they want and when this doesn’t work the children usually make a behaviour change until they come against a situation that ‘forces’ them to feel something, which usually they have a tantrum about and go through the angry cycle again never getting to the real issue or emotional cause
- Taking loving, truthful action is far more effective than talking
- Words are meaningless from me, my husband and children don’t believe me. I feel firstly this is because in the past I refused to back up my words with actions and the result is now no one in the family thinks I am serious. Secondly I am working through an emotional injury where men (my dad) totally dismissed me and my husband and the children do the same believing what I say is not important. I feel like a gold fish sometimes opening and closing my mouth with no sound coming out as no one responds
- The children do not see that being loving, truthful and moral has benefits.
the children prefer taking physical actions than making emotional change. They do not understand that emotional change is real change and has positive results, this is understandable as this is modeled by their Pete (their dad).
My intention is to document this experiment from start to finish. I will share blog posts (when there is time), take video footage and write up detailed notes of the experiment to refer back to and aid with remembering everything that happens. I am noticing if I do not record data that things get forgotten and difficult to remember because a new issue arises and becomes ‘most important’.
I am hoping that the children will be interested in being interviewed about the experience throughout the experiment, if they are she will share the videos on YouTube.
This is the start of an experiment that will no doubt grow, change and evolve as more is learned each day.
As I write this I feel excited and looking forward to seeing what will happen and finding out more about myself and how to love children.
I am grateful to God for many things, including designing and creating The Way (to be at-one with God).
Thank you to all the people who gift loving feedback and who have encouraged me in my passions and desires!
Thank you to Jesus, Mary and Tristan for your ideas about experiments, your input and enthusiasm for the experiments that I do from time to time (I actually feel like I am in one big experiment). It is great to learn about loving, truth based, moral parent child relationships.
I am so grateful to the teachings of Divine Truth, as taught by Jesus and Mary, experimenting and applying those teachings has changed my life and is why I am where I am today and the Principles of God’s Truth influence every experiment that I do, thank you!
Thank you to the children for the many lessons I am learning.